Well! The last few days have been interesting to say the least! The out pouring of acceptance and love, yes love, from you my fellow bloggers was overwhelming to me. To say only thank you seems so very weak in response to your love, but can not find any other words that come close to expressing my feelings for you. So, until such a time as I can come up with better words for this emotion in my heart and mind, know that I am saying it with the deepest regard and friendship.
Thank you!
So, now on to straighten out some misconceptions that seem to be floating in the air. Yesterday, I spent more hours than I ever had before chatting, mostly answering the same questions from everyone. So, for those of you who read me, and do not chat with me, I'll answer the most common questions here for you.
1) Do you want a sex change operation?
No, I do not. I am transgender, not transsexual. The easiest way to describe this is thus. Sex, is about what is between your legs, gender is what is between your ears. The definition of a transsexual is a condition in which an individual identifies with a physical sex that is different from their biological one. And for the most part, I have been ok with my body, not a perfect harmony, but not ever unhappy with my physical sex. The times I am happiest with my body is when I am just me. Not having to fit some sort of cookie cutter female mold. But allowed to dress as I wish, act as I wish.
2) Do you want to live as a man?
No, I do not. If I was to live wholly as a man, then that would make me unhappy. I am both male and female genders, and they both want to be expressed. My male side is more pronounced, but I am a female also. The reason it pinches so to identify as a female/woman is that it's not really how I feel about me. If I had to identify as a male/man, it would feel as wrong.
3) Do you want to have sex with women, or threesomes?
Absolutely not! Well, ok a threesome? Sure, but only with two guys.... ;-p My sexual orientation is straight. I have no interest whatsoever in sex with women at all.
4) Do I want to look like a man?
No, no I don't. But am I comfortable in extremely frilly feminine clothing? No, I'm not. I do wear dresses and such, when the occasion demands it. But it feels like a costume, and it takes me quite a while to ignore what I have on, and relax enough to enjoy the occasion. And if I go shopping with other women they are forever forcing me into clothing that I am just not comfortable in. Sometimes, I am a doormat enough to buy what they are pushing me into. Rarely if ever do these clothes get worn.....
5) Do I like anything that is considered girly?
Yup! I have a huge, and I do mean huge, thing for Hello Kitty!! OMG! She is so cute!! Yes, I know she is pink, but cute!!! Kawaii!!!!!! I love bracelets of all kinds! Especially the thin metal type, I love the tinkling sound they make when I move my arms. Earrings are also something I love. However, I don't like the large, showy chandelier type. I do wear dangling ones, but they are fairly plain, and not showy. So, I do like girly stuff, just on a much more muted level than many girls. And for the most part can live without it, if I had to.
6) Do I do anything that is feminine?
Yeah, I do. I love to knit! So, much fun! I like to sew and embroiderer, and a few years ago learned to crochet. I only really play girly type of games on my DS and my game cube. But, rather than it being a function of femininity, it is rather more of a inability of mine, to enjoy killing things.... which most male games seem to be based on. Is my issue with killing things a gender thing for me? No, it is a byproduct of my abuse as a child. It has left me almost unable to hurt others, even with speech. The only times that I have hurt someone, is when they have hurt my boys. Because no one hurts my babies!
So, whew! I think that answers most of the questions that I have been asked. If you think of any others that you would like answered, just let me know. And if you want to chat with me to ask me more, please feel free to do so. My addy is in the side bar over there --->
And now on to the cookies!
These are the best peanut butter cookies ever!!! Why? Because they taste like peanut butter! No, I didn't forget the flour, these are flourless cookies.
1 cup smooth peanut butter, 1 cup sugar, 1 egg, 1 teaspoon vanilla.
Preheat oven the 375. Mix all together in a bowl. On a small saucer pour a small amount of sugar. Roll the dough into smallish balls. Roll really well, to make sure the cookies hold together after baking. Roll them around in the sugar from your saucer, place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Lightly flatten with a bottom of a flat glass. Bake for about 11 minutes. The tops of the cookies should be lightly cracked, and the edges are a slightly different color. Cool for a few minutes on the cookie sheet before moving them to a cooling rack. Enjoy!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I'm just a painting that's still wet.....
So, yeah now you know.... sorta, kinda. It is very hard to really explain how it feels to know you are different, and not really have the ability to express it others. Why can't I express it to you clearly? Because I have no experience as anything else than what I am, and you only have experience as to what you are.
I have been told, "What's the big deal? You're just a tom boy." Umm, no tis so much more than the enjoyment of participating in masculine activities. It isn't a physical expression, but a mental one.
"That's just weird!" Sigh. That one? Yeah, that one hurts, quite sharply actually. Don't you think I know it's weird to not be any one gender? To know that I don't 'fit' in? And, to know that I'll always feel some sense of alienation by people of the same sex as my self?
To clear things up, here is a handy way of looking at the difference between sex and gender. Sex? Basically it's what's between your legs. And gender? It's what's between your ears.
Technically? I am a transgendered person. This is what wikipedia has to say about transgender. "It's a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies to diverge from the normative gender roles. It's the state of one's 'gender identity'. A self-identification as woman, man or neither." Does that mean that I chose this gender identity? No, what it means is that for some reason, people like me don't take our gender identities from our sex.
How long have I felt this way? As long as I can remember..... I don't ever remember looking at any female, ever and thinking that I wanted to look like or to be like them. It was always males that I wanted to look like, act like, to be. Tough, cool, and oozing maleness....
It has always..... pinched, itched, didn't fit/feel right to be identified as female/woman..... never been comfortable marking that box. Chick is about the only female word that I am comfortable with. Do I use she? Yeah, am cool with she, her, etc.
Until a short time ago, I had never met anyone who was like me, at least not knowingly. And finding this new friend has allowed me to talk to someone who truly understands what I feel. And he has been educating me, holding my hand and helping me come to terms with it. What his friendship has meant to me, is beyond words. I'm not sure that I have ever met a sweeter kinder gentler person, ever. There isn't enough words to ever express what he means to me. My kk lol ;-p friend.
For years, I just let it lay in me, occasionally it would bubble up to the surface and I would feel so....... stifled by my sex and without an outlet for my gender, it would lead to bouts of short temper and depression, and tears.
Does T.H. know? Yeah, he does. Understand? Not really, but how can he? When I would be upset and rather manic about it, his only response, which didn't help at the time, but was the only way he knew how to 'fix' it was to tell me over and over that he loves me just as I am, and wouldn't change anything about me, and that he loves, loves, loves me. And how much more can I want? Nothing.
This post title? It's a lyric from the song "Leave a Scar" by Marilyn Manson. Why did I choose this as my title? Because, at some level, I feel unfinished, waiting for some undefinable something...... So, I am still in the process of learning to be me. Learning what it means to BE me. Learning, well me.
I have been told, "What's the big deal? You're just a tom boy." Umm, no tis so much more than the enjoyment of participating in masculine activities. It isn't a physical expression, but a mental one.
"That's just weird!" Sigh. That one? Yeah, that one hurts, quite sharply actually. Don't you think I know it's weird to not be any one gender? To know that I don't 'fit' in? And, to know that I'll always feel some sense of alienation by people of the same sex as my self?
To clear things up, here is a handy way of looking at the difference between sex and gender. Sex? Basically it's what's between your legs. And gender? It's what's between your ears.
Technically? I am a transgendered person. This is what wikipedia has to say about transgender. "It's a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies to diverge from the normative gender roles. It's the state of one's 'gender identity'. A self-identification as woman, man or neither." Does that mean that I chose this gender identity? No, what it means is that for some reason, people like me don't take our gender identities from our sex.
How long have I felt this way? As long as I can remember..... I don't ever remember looking at any female, ever and thinking that I wanted to look like or to be like them. It was always males that I wanted to look like, act like, to be. Tough, cool, and oozing maleness....
It has always..... pinched, itched, didn't fit/feel right to be identified as female/woman..... never been comfortable marking that box. Chick is about the only female word that I am comfortable with. Do I use she? Yeah, am cool with she, her, etc.
Until a short time ago, I had never met anyone who was like me, at least not knowingly. And finding this new friend has allowed me to talk to someone who truly understands what I feel. And he has been educating me, holding my hand and helping me come to terms with it. What his friendship has meant to me, is beyond words. I'm not sure that I have ever met a sweeter kinder gentler person, ever. There isn't enough words to ever express what he means to me. My kk lol ;-p friend.
For years, I just let it lay in me, occasionally it would bubble up to the surface and I would feel so....... stifled by my sex and without an outlet for my gender, it would lead to bouts of short temper and depression, and tears.
Does T.H. know? Yeah, he does. Understand? Not really, but how can he? When I would be upset and rather manic about it, his only response, which didn't help at the time, but was the only way he knew how to 'fix' it was to tell me over and over that he loves me just as I am, and wouldn't change anything about me, and that he loves, loves, loves me. And how much more can I want? Nothing.
This post title? It's a lyric from the song "Leave a Scar" by Marilyn Manson. Why did I choose this as my title? Because, at some level, I feel unfinished, waiting for some undefinable something...... So, I am still in the process of learning to be me. Learning what it means to BE me. Learning, well me.
androgynous me
So yesterdays post, was a keeping everyone at arms length way of talking about me.... I have been slowly telling people in blogland, and sometimes it is just very hard to get people to understand what it really means, to be androgynous. And how it has made me feel..... different my whole life.
Did you know there are actually four components of gender? Identity, presentation, performance, and role. Gender identity concerns how you think about yourself. Presentation describes how you look. Performance is how you act. Role is what you do for a living, and domestically. The last three is gender expression, which is external. Identity is internal, how you feel.
Gender should not be thought of as binary construct, because everyone is a blend of both masculine and feminine traits. Some of express more from one end of the continuum, some are more blended, and some like me are in the middle. Neither quite female nor quite male, but somewhere in the middle, but for the most part I lean more towards the male side.
I had two dolls that I loved to death, Suzy and Scotchy. Suzy was a baby, and she was fairly small. Scotchy was a toddler type of doll, and I loved him to death. But, to me? They weren't dolls, but my babies, and every day I would wash their faces, and change their dresses. Yes, Scotchy was a boy, but he wore a dress.
My favorite toys though were cars of all sorts, mud, the woods and my bike. I loved climbing trees, jumping the fence to get away from the cows that we had riled up. We loved to throw cow patties at each other! My aunt hated it, made us stink like you wouldn't believe, cause we didn't always use the dried ones.....
In high school there was no dress codes, unlike in junior high. Needing school clothing I started looking at the clothing, and nothing seemed right to me at all. To flowery, to frilly, to pink (shudder), and then I found a cool tee shirt. Had a graphic design on it, in shades of black and grey. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly! So, back to that area again and started picking up shirts and pants, and everything not only fit my outsides, but made me happy as to what I looked like in them. They were all boys clothing. In fact I saw several of my shirts on guys at school. And everyday was happy to get dressed, unlike in previous years. I ended up getting boy tennis shoes and several jackets.
This was a bad time period for me at home, and I was drinking quite heavily. There were several times, I allowed guys that I had just met to take me home with them. Yeah, home. I usually dated out of high school aged guys. And several of them, were surprised as hell that I was a girl, when they got my clothing off. Some of them got my clothes back on just as fast, and others, well....... The one thing this group of guys all said, was that I didn't seem or act like a girl. And I took that to be a compliment.
Through out all of my years of school, including my year of college, I have been severely bullied by girls. I have no idea why they don't like me, maybe they sense the difference in me? I don't make friends very easily with women, and the few that I have had, all have turned on me, in a very cruel and unnecessary manner. To be honest? I don't understand women at all! They for the most part are a complete and total mystery.
Most of my true friends have always been male, always. I understand guys, they make sense to me. And when I am with guys? I am at ease, and my full personality comes blooming forth. I am relaxed and happy, and that is a very unusual state for me to be around women. After knowing me a little bit, most all guys tell me that I am not like any other woman they have ever met. They say I make sense, and why can't all women act like me. Maybe because I'm not fully a woman?
The only full on female part of me? Is being a mom. And yes, I know guys can be very nurturing, but honestly? I think those men, have a great amount of female in them. I love and cherish my job as a mom. It is the most important thing I have ever done or will ever do. And funnily enough? All the boys have told me that I am not a woman! And then they feel the need to fix it up, thinking they have hurt my feelings, and they add, your just mom to us.
Do I hate my body? For the most part no. I out grew that when I had my first baby. I came to love my female body at that point, and was totally awed and amazed at the wonder of growing a new life inside of me. Before? Yeah, I was never fully comfortable in my body, it always felt not wrong, but not right either.
So, that is me.
Did you know there are actually four components of gender? Identity, presentation, performance, and role. Gender identity concerns how you think about yourself. Presentation describes how you look. Performance is how you act. Role is what you do for a living, and domestically. The last three is gender expression, which is external. Identity is internal, how you feel.
Gender should not be thought of as binary construct, because everyone is a blend of both masculine and feminine traits. Some of express more from one end of the continuum, some are more blended, and some like me are in the middle. Neither quite female nor quite male, but somewhere in the middle, but for the most part I lean more towards the male side.
I had two dolls that I loved to death, Suzy and Scotchy. Suzy was a baby, and she was fairly small. Scotchy was a toddler type of doll, and I loved him to death. But, to me? They weren't dolls, but my babies, and every day I would wash their faces, and change their dresses. Yes, Scotchy was a boy, but he wore a dress.
My favorite toys though were cars of all sorts, mud, the woods and my bike. I loved climbing trees, jumping the fence to get away from the cows that we had riled up. We loved to throw cow patties at each other! My aunt hated it, made us stink like you wouldn't believe, cause we didn't always use the dried ones.....
In high school there was no dress codes, unlike in junior high. Needing school clothing I started looking at the clothing, and nothing seemed right to me at all. To flowery, to frilly, to pink (shudder), and then I found a cool tee shirt. Had a graphic design on it, in shades of black and grey. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly! So, back to that area again and started picking up shirts and pants, and everything not only fit my outsides, but made me happy as to what I looked like in them. They were all boys clothing. In fact I saw several of my shirts on guys at school. And everyday was happy to get dressed, unlike in previous years. I ended up getting boy tennis shoes and several jackets.
This was a bad time period for me at home, and I was drinking quite heavily. There were several times, I allowed guys that I had just met to take me home with them. Yeah, home. I usually dated out of high school aged guys. And several of them, were surprised as hell that I was a girl, when they got my clothing off. Some of them got my clothes back on just as fast, and others, well....... The one thing this group of guys all said, was that I didn't seem or act like a girl. And I took that to be a compliment.
Through out all of my years of school, including my year of college, I have been severely bullied by girls. I have no idea why they don't like me, maybe they sense the difference in me? I don't make friends very easily with women, and the few that I have had, all have turned on me, in a very cruel and unnecessary manner. To be honest? I don't understand women at all! They for the most part are a complete and total mystery.
Most of my true friends have always been male, always. I understand guys, they make sense to me. And when I am with guys? I am at ease, and my full personality comes blooming forth. I am relaxed and happy, and that is a very unusual state for me to be around women. After knowing me a little bit, most all guys tell me that I am not like any other woman they have ever met. They say I make sense, and why can't all women act like me. Maybe because I'm not fully a woman?
The only full on female part of me? Is being a mom. And yes, I know guys can be very nurturing, but honestly? I think those men, have a great amount of female in them. I love and cherish my job as a mom. It is the most important thing I have ever done or will ever do. And funnily enough? All the boys have told me that I am not a woman! And then they feel the need to fix it up, thinking they have hurt my feelings, and they add, your just mom to us.
Do I hate my body? For the most part no. I out grew that when I had my first baby. I came to love my female body at that point, and was totally awed and amazed at the wonder of growing a new life inside of me. Before? Yeah, I was never fully comfortable in my body, it always felt not wrong, but not right either.
So, that is me.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
What's your gender?
"Gender identity (otherwise known as core gender identity) is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological fact, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may choose from include: male, female, both, somewhere in between ("third gender"), or neither."
Are you curious now? Take the test, it's very simple, fairly quick, then tally your score. Ready? Bem Sex Role Inventory test
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas, Everyone!
Merry Christmas!!!
I hope you have a wonderful day, and that all of your heart wishes came true!
Hugs and best wishes!
Biki
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Four Delicious Hours of Freedom
Ok, here is my dirty little secret, I am housebound for much of the winter. Several years ago I noticed that as the temps dropped I felt less and less well, and yes that IS staying in the house. Going outside at cold temps stiffens my muscles up, hurts to breathe, and makes my mind super sluggish. But, what is even weirder is that the cold temps bother me in the house as well. Warm house, warm clothing, still not feeling well. Anything above 0 for me is a day to celebrate! And life below -25 is not much of a life. So... yeah.
Anyway, the temps have kept me in the house now for around 6 weeks. And let me tell you that is a very long time not to leave your house. But, yesterday, oh glorious yesterday! I have a little routine in the morning, turn on iphone, check to see if I have mail, and then to the temps. Mail, read...read...... humm interesting. Opened the weather app..... great wonders of wonders! It is above 0!! OMG! I am so leaving the house today!!!
So, here is my wardrobe to leave the house, underwear, long johns, jeans, heavy sweater, snow pants, heavy parka, boots, mittens, hat and scarf! As long as I don't fall down? S'all good!!!
So, off to the movies it was. Hum what to see, what to see........ I decided on A Christmas Carol. I love Dickens, add in animation, yeah then add in Jim Carey? That was just the whipped cream on my sundae of yummy! The movie was wonderful. The animation honestly just blew me away. And they made Scrooge look old, not like sorta old, but actually old. Knobby fingers, long nose, wrinkles, and the back of his hands were perfect, ropy, wrinkly and definitely old. Some movies are meant to be seen on the big screen and thought that movie deserved to be seen LARGE.
After the movie, T.H. and I went out to eat. There is this totally funky, completely Alaskan restaurant on the edge of town. And while some Alaskan places put on a show of rustic for the tourists? Yeah, this place just is home grown funky.
Anyway, the temps have kept me in the house now for around 6 weeks. And let me tell you that is a very long time not to leave your house. But, yesterday, oh glorious yesterday! I have a little routine in the morning, turn on iphone, check to see if I have mail, and then to the temps. Mail, read...read...... humm interesting. Opened the weather app..... great wonders of wonders! It is above 0!! OMG! I am so leaving the house today!!!
So, here is my wardrobe to leave the house, underwear, long johns, jeans, heavy sweater, snow pants, heavy parka, boots, mittens, hat and scarf! As long as I don't fall down? S'all good!!!
So, off to the movies it was. Hum what to see, what to see........ I decided on A Christmas Carol. I love Dickens, add in animation, yeah then add in Jim Carey? That was just the whipped cream on my sundae of yummy! The movie was wonderful. The animation honestly just blew me away. And they made Scrooge look old, not like sorta old, but actually old. Knobby fingers, long nose, wrinkles, and the back of his hands were perfect, ropy, wrinkly and definitely old. Some movies are meant to be seen on the big screen and thought that movie deserved to be seen LARGE.
After the movie, T.H. and I went out to eat. There is this totally funky, completely Alaskan restaurant on the edge of town. And while some Alaskan places put on a show of rustic for the tourists? Yeah, this place just is home grown funky.
Don't you love the top of the tree running across the ceiling? Total lack of anything that could be called pretentious, but hella good food. Burgers, cheese steaks, pizza and really good steak. To celebrate the out of the house me, I had steak. T.H. had crab stuffed chicken. I had some really yummy Black Butte Porter, so great with a steak and baked potato!
On the way home, we dove around and looked at the Christmas lights. A few were really car stopping wonderful! But, then tired and full of wonderful things to remember, home we went. A very, very happy girl indeed. Oh, and don't feel sorry for me, honestly. Every day is a gift, and I treasure it!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Getting ready for Christmas
This week T.H. and Son #4 went hunting for the elusive perfect Christmas tree. It was a typical early winter day, -16 f or -26 c, with crystal clear blue skies, and for us? That is warm weather for this time of year While driving around the woods, up one trail and down another, they enjoyed a nice visit. After finding two trees that fit the bill, home they returned with red cheeks and sparkling happy eyes. They helped each other get the trees in the stands, first at Sons home then ours. Teasing, laughter, happiness!
Son #4 gave us the best gift ever when he told his dad on that tree hunting trip how wonderful his childhood was. This is an edited version of what he said. No no, not edited for content, but for typing on my phone.
"Dad, I admit I'm a selfish person, I want for my kids to have what I had growing up. And until I can afford for Lovely to stay home with our children, I dont want any. We didn't have as many toys as other kids, or the expensive clothes, but what we had was so much better. You came home everyday day for lunch. No matter how bad the day had been, coming home to you and mom, made the rest of the day bearable. After school, mom was always home and wanted to hear about our day. We knew within a few minutes when you would come home after work, and no matter how bad your day had been, we took priority. Dinners were almost always at the table, and were filled with spirited debates, but what I remember most was the laughter. We knew that the most important thing in yours and moms life was us boys. Being loved like that, how can I want anything less for my kids?".
Like I said earlier. Best. Gift. Ever.
Cookie baking season is upon us! Hopefully we can get a start on it today. I think we'll start with gingerbread, which is my fav. But that's not the reason I make those first, letting them sit well wrapped up, allows the flavors to mingle better, and makes for a better cookie. And then to iced sugar cookies. Which by the way, I despise, but everyone else in the family loves. Why don't I like them? Way way way to sweet. And then off to shortbread, killer peanut butter cookies, and pecan puffs.
Update on the computer... Twas the hard drive, one is ordered, e.t.a. for the finished computer looks to be right before Christmas, or immediately after.... sigh......
{}(^_^){}. ( me in ear muffs )
The Biki weather report.... currently it is -32 f or -36 c.
Yeah that IS cold! Cars need to be either kept in a garage or plugged in. Oh, plugged in? Well, all cars here have a block heater, which is a heating coil that fits into the block of the engine. When you park, an extension cord, heavy duty, is ran from an outlet to the grill of your car. It keeps the engine from being so hard to start, or allowing it to start at all! We also have a battery blanket, and an oil pan heater. These really add years of life to an engine.
Christmas hugs to all of you! Your friendship means the world to me!
Love and hugs,
Biki
Son #4 gave us the best gift ever when he told his dad on that tree hunting trip how wonderful his childhood was. This is an edited version of what he said. No no, not edited for content, but for typing on my phone.
"Dad, I admit I'm a selfish person, I want for my kids to have what I had growing up. And until I can afford for Lovely to stay home with our children, I dont want any. We didn't have as many toys as other kids, or the expensive clothes, but what we had was so much better. You came home everyday day for lunch. No matter how bad the day had been, coming home to you and mom, made the rest of the day bearable. After school, mom was always home and wanted to hear about our day. We knew within a few minutes when you would come home after work, and no matter how bad your day had been, we took priority. Dinners were almost always at the table, and were filled with spirited debates, but what I remember most was the laughter. We knew that the most important thing in yours and moms life was us boys. Being loved like that, how can I want anything less for my kids?".
Like I said earlier. Best. Gift. Ever.
Cookie baking season is upon us! Hopefully we can get a start on it today. I think we'll start with gingerbread, which is my fav. But that's not the reason I make those first, letting them sit well wrapped up, allows the flavors to mingle better, and makes for a better cookie. And then to iced sugar cookies. Which by the way, I despise, but everyone else in the family loves. Why don't I like them? Way way way to sweet. And then off to shortbread, killer peanut butter cookies, and pecan puffs.
Update on the computer... Twas the hard drive, one is ordered, e.t.a. for the finished computer looks to be right before Christmas, or immediately after.... sigh......
{}(^_^){}. ( me in ear muffs )
The Biki weather report.... currently it is -32 f or -36 c.
Yeah that IS cold! Cars need to be either kept in a garage or plugged in. Oh, plugged in? Well, all cars here have a block heater, which is a heating coil that fits into the block of the engine. When you park, an extension cord, heavy duty, is ran from an outlet to the grill of your car. It keeps the engine from being so hard to start, or allowing it to start at all! We also have a battery blanket, and an oil pan heater. These really add years of life to an engine.
Christmas hugs to all of you! Your friendship means the world to me!
Love and hugs,
Biki
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Swan Dive
Well, yesterday morning T.H. said "The computer has this weird spinny
thing and won't let me do anything.". Now I do love that man of mine,
but honestly? Yeah, he is so not good with computers. After a brief
check, I realized it didn't look good.
thing and won't let me do anything.". Now I do love that man of mine,
but honestly? Yeah, he is so not good with computers. After a brief
check, I realized it didn't look good.
Eldest son, who used to fix Apple computers for a living, took a look,
did some stuff including wiping the hard drive, and yeah the hard
drive has suffered an early death. I have three things going in my
favor! ! !
1. The computer is still under warranty! So, free fix! I do love the
word free!
2. I have a back up, so all of my data is saved!!!
3. I can Internet on my iPhone! So won't need to be hosiptalized for
extreme web withdrawls, and can still chat!! While reading blogs can
be a pain, due to slow loading, some times commenting can be a pain.
See ya soon!!
iPhone blogging Biki!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
For me? Really? Thanks!
Family - Ahh, my family..... they are really the center of my world. The four boys are just so much fun to be around! And yes, they are all my favorite! No, really! This summer my youngest took me for a short ride on his crotch rocket motorcycle... telling me to hang on tight, he punched it and we went from a slow poking speed, to flying along the road! The sheer exhilaration of the speed pulling at me made me so happy, that I couldn't control my laughter. When we got home my joy of the ride made his eyes twinkle. I couldn't stop hugging him and kissing his cheek! Such a happy mom! Each of the boys have taught me so much of their world of work. What have I learned from them? Super computers, servers, basically anything computers, he is the one who taught me to love computers and what they can do. Sat me down and helped me get my first email account, and how to use it. And he was the very first person I ever chatted with! son #1. Life in Japan and all of the interesting differences, do you know it's rude to eat or drink while walking in Japan? son #2. What it is like to live and work on the slope at Prudhoe Bay. He has worked outsides at temperatures as low as -70 below, for 14 hours! He has seen arctic fox, musk ox, polar bears, and caribou. Welding, being a server, and what it is like selling cars. son #4 And T.H. he shared his love of the great outdoors, how to read footprints left in the mud, took me white water rafting, camping and shooting. Your Biki is a hella good with a rifle! And, he taught me my worth and how to love myself.
Laughter - I love to laugh! Love to make others laugh. Hopefully they are laughing with me and not at me, they claim they aren't but who knows. We have this one friend, and when he gets down in the dumps he calls up T.H. and says to him, "Is Biki busy? No? Then let me talk to her." Which means what he really wants is for me to make him laugh, and so I do. He laughs and laughs, becomes happy again, and then off he goes until the next time.
Games - I love card games, board games, video games, ds nintendo games, and yes even games on my iphone. Now having said that, I totally crash and burn at any game that is strategy based, chess, checkers, and that sort. And I do not mind in the least loosing, unless you are a cut throat player, and are mean and nasty about it. I will finish the game, but that will be your last with me. I play to have fun, to laugh and visit, not to annihilate fun.
The need to know - Reading, watching something on t.v,. a question someone asks me, and I need to know! I have been known to jump up off the sofa during a commercial break to pick up more info about ... the subject, the director, an actor.... really just name it, the need to know burns in me bright and hot. And a fellow blogger had a giant email from me answering his questions about Alaska. My dream job before moving from Hell Town, was as a librarian. It was a dream job for the intersecting of many of my loves. Kids, books, gathering info for patrons, and leading kids to books that 'fit' them, and then seeing the joy in their faces when they discovered the love of reading.
Life - I love life, period. Meeting new people, going places, trying new foods, watching the wind blow the summer leaves on the trees, and listening to the song the wind coaxes out of the trees. As one of my boys says, "S'all good!" And it is! I honestly can not remember the last time I was bored. I find pleasure out of just being alive. Waking up in a warm and cozy bed, soft pillow under my cheek, blankets so cuddly comfy. Peeling apples for a crisp, opening the dryer to the wonderful scent of fresh clean clothes.
Washing dishes, chatting on the phone, chatting on the web, watching sunsets, hearing water chuckling along a rocky creek bottom. All of this feeds my soul, feeds my heart, and gives me joy. Giving hugs, holding someone close, letting my arms tell them how much they mean to me. Kissing, cuddling, spooning and other fun couple sports with T.H. Waking up each morning wondering what this day will hold. Where will it find me at the close of the day? Who will I have met? What will I have see, or accomplished? Every day is open with possibilities, that I just can't wait to begin.
So, and now without further ado..... my blog list!
Gay family values blog, you might remember them from their videos they made and posted on Youtube during the fight for marriage rights in California. I like their blog, their family, and I always seem to learn something.
I Should Be Laughing Bob is a very interesting guy. There are often many posts each day, some long and very thoughtfully written, and others just plain fun. Stop on by for a laugh, listen to his the music videos he embeds, read what he has to say.
The Twins and the Sailor Bigct is one hell of a great, fantastic writer. Go. Read. And drop him a comment. I can almost guarantee you will not be disappointed.
The Black Man Next Door Kevin is a very interesting guy. Stop on by and give him a read. He always has something interesting to say. Part political, part personal, and the rest? Just a great read. Stop on by and give him a visit.
Funny Odd Thing How on earth to describe David's blog? Humm, he is never boring, and you will never know what he is going to post next! The last two videos he has embedded were the Muppets, and Stephen Colbert.... yeah he is all over the map. Stop on by and give him a try.
Enjoy!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
6 new random things
When my blog first hit 10 followers, I did a 10 random things about me. And thought since there are now a robust 6 new followers, it was time for an update! After sitting looking at a blinking curser for endless moments, have decided that I am just not that interesting! Nothing to see here folks, keep moving, you in the back, yeah you! Back in line! No stragglers..... Cliff notes would be nice! Then I could just read what others would find interesting.... but until that date, I will have to go it alone!
1. When T.H. asked me what I wanted for my 30th birthday, I was ready, had a list and everything! Go Me! And was promptly shut down! No! Bad Wife! Bad! What did I want, that would have caused so much excitement, and a total shut down? I wanted to pierce my lip, nose and eyebrow..... Needless to say, my face is hole free..... sigh sigh
2. To say that I am sarcastic would be putting it mildly. I have been know to rip, rend and completely eviscerate with it, when the target completely deserves it. I usually do play nice, but some people!
3. I get totally addicted to one musical artist, and while under the thrall of that artist, just don't even try to listen to someone else. The time of addiction varies, really without a rhyme or reason, seemingly. Right now, it is Marilyn Manson 24/7. I did listen to some Korn yesterday, so maybe my current addition is waning..... we shall see.
4. Cooking is a passion. Not so much desserts, maybe because I really don't have much of a sweet tooth? I enjoy reading cookbooks from cover to cover. My current go to cuisine is Thai. The complex layering of flavors fascinates me. What don't I like to eat? Hominy and stewed okra comes right to mind. A friend tells me hominy is good with green chili and cheese..... is that to hid the flavor???? And any food that produces it's very own snot, like okra does? No thank you! If you are a lover of rice? Find a Japanese rice cooker. No really, best rice ever!
5. The title of my blog a reference to the fact I get lost while out driving all the time. Not as in, wtf where am I? But, as in always in the wrong lane, thinking I need to turn left at a cross road, instead of right..... sigh. So, to make it sound better, I am always taking the scenic route every time I leave the house! "No, really I usually always go this way. Why? Umm, this is the scenic route...." And I normally don't plan on getting lost, so my getting lost is.... unscheduled!
6. I would love to travel! Where? You name it, and most likely it is on my list of places I want to go. If I had piles of unused money just laying around, it would be spent on travel. Where would I want to go first? Ireland, UK, New Zealand, Australia, Spain, Egypt, China. Why these? All of those places are a triple threat, scenery, history, and food.
Curious about me? Wanna know something that you have been wondering about? Just ask me. I might not answer your question, but chances are I will. So, ask away if you wish!
spiffy day everyone!
Biki
1. When T.H. asked me what I wanted for my 30th birthday, I was ready, had a list and everything! Go Me! And was promptly shut down! No! Bad Wife! Bad! What did I want, that would have caused so much excitement, and a total shut down? I wanted to pierce my lip, nose and eyebrow..... Needless to say, my face is hole free..... sigh sigh
2. To say that I am sarcastic would be putting it mildly. I have been know to rip, rend and completely eviscerate with it, when the target completely deserves it. I usually do play nice, but some people!
3. I get totally addicted to one musical artist, and while under the thrall of that artist, just don't even try to listen to someone else. The time of addiction varies, really without a rhyme or reason, seemingly. Right now, it is Marilyn Manson 24/7. I did listen to some Korn yesterday, so maybe my current addition is waning..... we shall see.
4. Cooking is a passion. Not so much desserts, maybe because I really don't have much of a sweet tooth? I enjoy reading cookbooks from cover to cover. My current go to cuisine is Thai. The complex layering of flavors fascinates me. What don't I like to eat? Hominy and stewed okra comes right to mind. A friend tells me hominy is good with green chili and cheese..... is that to hid the flavor???? And any food that produces it's very own snot, like okra does? No thank you! If you are a lover of rice? Find a Japanese rice cooker. No really, best rice ever!
5. The title of my blog a reference to the fact I get lost while out driving all the time. Not as in, wtf where am I? But, as in always in the wrong lane, thinking I need to turn left at a cross road, instead of right..... sigh. So, to make it sound better, I am always taking the scenic route every time I leave the house! "No, really I usually always go this way. Why? Umm, this is the scenic route...." And I normally don't plan on getting lost, so my getting lost is.... unscheduled!
6. I would love to travel! Where? You name it, and most likely it is on my list of places I want to go. If I had piles of unused money just laying around, it would be spent on travel. Where would I want to go first? Ireland, UK, New Zealand, Australia, Spain, Egypt, China. Why these? All of those places are a triple threat, scenery, history, and food.
Curious about me? Wanna know something that you have been wondering about? Just ask me. I might not answer your question, but chances are I will. So, ask away if you wish!
spiffy day everyone!
Biki
Friday, December 11, 2009
Gianormous Hugs and Thanks!
I entered the blogger world as a lurker.... reading, reading, never ever commenting. But, then one day, I became brave and left a comment. I left my first comment with Dodger, he was my first chat too! So, I guess you could say that Dodger deflowered this virgin blogger of her cherry! But, as time wore on I got some brave in my pockets and started leaving more and more comments, and a few emails. And if you are wondering, yeah, Dodger got my first email too!
What have I gotten out of blogworld? Wonderful friendships that I couldn't now imagine living without. I am someone who loves to talk, loves to learn what others think and feel. The sharing of lives and hopes, sadness and joy, is what gives our life flavor, a flavor I can not image living with out now.
Thank you so very much for all the blog love!
With much love,
Biki
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
A fleeting moment of freedom
Well all, the stories of my capture and imprisonment are all true. Now, now don't get all upset with him, to be fair I did bring this on myself. He had cracked the global weekend weather conspiracy, and had to disappear. Even though I was ever so carefully disguised as a gentle grandmother with a pair of oh so innocent knitting needles, he has a keen mind and sharp eyes, and my evil was discovered.
So this then was to be the end of my long career, I am still ready and able to serve my leaders, but at least was meeting my end by a very worthy adversary. I was ready to lay down my life for the cause, when a question rang out from across the dungeon, with my eyes blindfolded the voice sounded even more menacing, than when he had captured me.
"Can you cook?" The dark voice growled from across the length of the dungeon.
"Why are you asking?" It was hard to reply thru my cracked and bleeding lips.
"My last cook had an unfortunate accident, shall we say."
This was not sounding promising at all, an accident? Yeah, right. But, it would at least give me a chance to escape at a latter date. And maybe find a way on my way out to finish him off.
"Yeah, I can cook. What do you like to eat?"
"Well, just the usual things actually. I am very particular about my apple pie. You are to make me an apple pie, and if it isn't up to my standards, you will be a pile of moldering bones at the bottom of the nearest ravine. And no funny business. I will be watching your every move."
I made him his apple pie, he was well pleased, and that is why I am still alive. While the merc is out completing nefarious deeds, I have decide to sneak onto his computer to let you kno
So, this is my attempt at being funny...... so just a flight of fancy..... just wanting to post something with really nothing to say really....
So this then was to be the end of my long career, I am still ready and able to serve my leaders, but at least was meeting my end by a very worthy adversary. I was ready to lay down my life for the cause, when a question rang out from across the dungeon, with my eyes blindfolded the voice sounded even more menacing, than when he had captured me.
"Can you cook?" The dark voice growled from across the length of the dungeon.
"Why are you asking?" It was hard to reply thru my cracked and bleeding lips.
"My last cook had an unfortunate accident, shall we say."
This was not sounding promising at all, an accident? Yeah, right. But, it would at least give me a chance to escape at a latter date. And maybe find a way on my way out to finish him off.
"Yeah, I can cook. What do you like to eat?"
"Well, just the usual things actually. I am very particular about my apple pie. You are to make me an apple pie, and if it isn't up to my standards, you will be a pile of moldering bones at the bottom of the nearest ravine. And no funny business. I will be watching your every move."
I made him his apple pie, he was well pleased, and that is why I am still alive. While the merc is out completing nefarious deeds, I have decide to sneak onto his computer to let you kno
So, this is my attempt at being funny...... so just a flight of fancy..... just wanting to post something with really nothing to say really....
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
How I am going to die!!
Death through Sex!
You are going to die by having a heart attack during sex. This is probably because it fills up so much of your time now that if you died doing anything else, it would be going against the odds.
Well now, that was kinda a no brainer huh? Now I am wondering if I should expand my horizons and at least try some new hobbies. Hum, what on earth else is there to do? Quilting? Those needles are sharp! If I prick my..... ok no. Cooking? I do love massaging meat... well damn! READING!! There! I could read as a hobby.....ohh look at all the yummy porn stories..... There is no hope for me at all.... Wanna see how your going to die? Take this quiz!
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