Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter Memories

Easter in Alaska looks like this.....
Hiding eggs outside isn't a good idea.  Small people bundled up in their snow gear, holding baskets in one hand and attempting to pick up eggs with a small hand encased in slick-ery mittens usually leads to tears and a grumpy family.  TH would distract the boys with something, so I could hide the eggs in the house.  Then he would look out the window casually, then leap up and shout, "There goes the Easter Bunny!"  The kids would storm to the window only to be disappointed that yet again they missed seeing him.

Third son was looking quite thoughtfully at his jelly beans, giving them a very cautious poke with one finger, he must have been around 4-ish.  After being hunkered for quite a long while, he finally gave up puzzling it out on his own and asked, "What kind of poop is this?"

jelly beans

moose poop

Causing the eldest to shout, "It's EASTER BUNNY POOP!!!!" 

"Oh!" said third son, who began to dig right into his jelly beans.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Wedding Blues

Yes, once again I'll be doing drag for a son's wedding.  Originally I had been told that a dressy pants outfit would be fine, only to be told a few weeks ago that I will be wearing a dress. 

In fuchsia no less.  Luckily that is a not to be found color outside of bridal shops.  I bought a blush pink dress, ala mad men styling, simple no frills.

Still up for debate is if I'm going to even bother to pack the dress and shoes, or just leave it behind at the resort.

Furious about being lied to about not having to wear a dress I wanted to buy boots to "liven" up the look.
Sigh, but then I came to my senses, and realized just how much it would upset my son, and resisted.  I love my son and wouldn't want to hurt him on his wedding day. 

Luckily, he is the last of the boys to marry, and this should be the last time I'm required to dress in drag for them.

When told about the change in my wardrobe, TH got very quiet and said, "I'm really sorry dear.  He doesn't understand how this hurts you." 

In a flash of anger, I thought, "Yeah, whose fault is it he doesnt know?  YOURS!"    But in my calmer moments I know he is only trying to protect me.  As time ticks by, I honestly feel that the boys would be ok with me as a trans person, and still sure that their wives wouldnt be. 

I will dress as directed, and enjoy being with my son on his big day. Hold tight to TH and hope for a tomorrow where I can finally be honest with my sons, and still keep them in my life.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

...a zillion years ago, on a far off planet

.....a zillion years ago, on a far off planet, Indiana, I was attending college.  Yes, Virgil they did have colleges in that far distant time, now where was I?  Oh, I was friendly with this girl whose brother was coming to visit her.  Now, I had no interest in meeting said brother as I was dating a guy, a professor to be exact, when she asked me she wouldnt take no for an answer.  To shut her up, I finally agreed to meet him when he arrived.  I figured what the hell, I'll just make myself scarce for a few days, and then act all sad that I "missed" him.  Well the joke was on me, he came early on a Friday morning.  I didnt have a class on Friday and usually slept until lunch time, storing up so as to party later, yeah?  She came barging into my room and woke me up, and when I resisted getting up, she ripped the covers off me, and about died of mortification as I was starkers.  Quickly flinging the covers back on me she zinged me with the arrow, "you promised!".  Sigh.  Telling her to leave so I could get dressed she left the room, and leaned on my door!  This girl has some trust issues!

The main reason I wasnt better friends with this girl is that she was hyper religious, and I've never been accused of being so, I had it in my mind that if she was that religious her entire family must be as well and had no interest in yet another person attempting to save my soul.  I wasn't dressing to impress, and so I pulled on stuff I snagged from the floor.  Looking at the extreme bedhead, my hair wont comb out in the morning it has to be washed to behave, I jammed a cap on my head and pulled on a hoodie, stomped on a pair of beat up tennis shoes and brushed my teeth and called it good. 

I straggled behind the gaggle of girls she had lined up to meet her brother, and found a nice curb to sit on and a surprisingly comfy car to lean against, and was quickly drifting back to sleep when her voice thundered out, "HE'S HERE!!!!"  And jerked me to my feet, about ripping my arm from my socket.  I was rubbing my eyes when he parked the car and walked over to his sister, and gave her a huge hug.  He made some lame joke about why didn't she bring of any her friends so he could meet them.  She ran around like a 5 year old all wound out on sugar, introducing us one by one, and then she came to me. 

Truthfully, I hadnt really looked at him, I was just biding time until my warm and comfy bed could claim me again,  ahh sleep I hardly knew ye.....   When she introduced me, I looked up, and our eyes locked and





no sound

no nothing

just him



suddenly, the world came rushing back, a congress of females all quacking, the breeze blew again, but still all I saw was

H I M 


And just like that, we fell in love.  Yes, yes I know how could that be possible?  We hadnt spoke to each other, hadnt touched each other, but still after all these years, its the truest thing I know.

It took him 2 days to dredge up the courage to ask me out on a date.  And it wasnt until I was dropping from exhaustion at 3 am that I finally figured out why he wouldnt leave the lounge and kissed him. 

We couldnt stop kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing

A week later he asked me to marry him

3 months later we married

its been 35 years now

Saint Patrick's Day has always been our anniversary, others think I'm cracked, but really if we hadnt met, how could we have ever gotten married?  Honestly I do have trouble remembering the actual date of our wedding, and rarely remember that date, TH is the one to remind me.  But this is the day that gets the big celebration, this is the day that means the most to us.  Sadly we are apart on our big day.  Next year we will find some way to be together on our anniversary.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Of Tonka Trucks and Dolls

By this late date, everyone and their dog knows who wee sweet Coy Mathis is, and the struggle her family is in with their school board over allowing her to use the correct restroom at school.  I've been reading, reading, reading the comments posted after the stories, and it would be nice to say that I'm  surprised by the hate pouring out over this issue, sadly however there is no surprise at the depths of hate and ignorance on display.

Yes, I know for those lucky humans whose genitalia and gender match, transgender its a hard concept to grasp, adding to this swirl of confusion is Coy's age.  Unfortunately most humans dont remember being 6, and just how much children this age understand about themselves.  Stir into this mix ignorance of gestational science, and a forest fire erupts.  Building an entire new being from scratch isn't the easiest task, and it does go awry.  About 2,000 babies a year are born with indeterminate genitalia, until quite recently these children were operated on with days of their birth to "normalize" their genitalia, which is thankfully no longer the rule.  I have felt that being transgender/transsexual is a birth defect and should be added to the category intersex.  We aren't crazy and shouldn't be listed at all in the DSM, but should be listed in the medical manuals.

Here are a few of the comments that grabbed my attention....

This commenter wasn't being mean, simply does not understand what the family, nor the child are going through on a day to day basis. 
This is a topic that most people are really struggling with what should be done.  The of supporter for LGBT and the most "traditional" voices see to be equally struggling with this issue........As a parent of a 7 year old boy, I sit back back and try to think of how my wife and I would deal with such a situation......first I will love my child regardless, but it seems to me, that based on the anatomy of the child that all aspects/attempts to "be a boy" should be explored........We say no to our kids all of the time for a wide variety of things...not to be mean, but to protect them and hopefully steer them to make the best choices.........It would seem to me that by the time of Puberty would be when the time to really start evaluating the transgender aspects..............Some kids will "grow out of it" as a phase or will "grow into in"..................It will be interesting to see out this one plays out
Then there were some that were more misguided
I ask again: if we expect all the girls to be comfortable using the girl's room with a boy who identifies as a girl but is still male, why can't we ask Coy to be comfortable using the boy's room? See how that works? Why is the burden on all the girls in the school instead of him/her? 
 Into the complete and utter stupid
What have the school and its employees said except they want no part of this child abuse.

The none of your business raises the issue of "who speaks for the child"

You know of course, before she made herself and Coy an international celebrity, the mother could have simply moved her child to another school, and introduced the child as a girl. Told Coy to use a stall.

But really wears the fun and excitement of all that?

You, no doubt would support the notion if a child believed he could fly like Superman, he shouldn't be told he CAN'T DO SOMETHING. 

and this, which  surprisingly cropped up quite a bit
Maybe we have a mother suffering from Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.

We don't know about anything except what the mother tells us. 

Our society has become more open and welcoming for LGB adults, laws were changed to allow gays in the military, marriage equality is slowly creeping across the land, and gays and lesbians arent the villains in crime tv shows.  Due to this wonderful new openness, children are coming out to their parents at ever younger ages because they now have a word that describes themselves, and for the most part the children know from the chatter around the house that their parents are ok with gays/lesbians/bi's. 

No, I'm not wearing rose colored glasses, I know that most of the religions world wide really hate LGB and if they could would go all nazi on our asses and "cleanse" the world of our evil.
They scream, and while they all prattle on about "hate the sin, love the sinner" we all know thats a load of shit.  As much as they despise gays and lesbians, they froth at the mouth when mentioning trans folk.  Saying that DNA can not be changed no matter how many surgeries are performed, the "sex" of the person hasn't, can't change.  What I think is interesting is how anti science these types are, until they trot out bits and pieces to "prove" their point.  The yell about mutilating G_d's gift in ways s/he never intended.  Which really is their usual spiel about stuff that scares them about the ever changing, evolving society we live in.

The amount of blame for the parents, but especially the mother was outrageous and uncalled for, but sadly typical of haters and blame whores.  What I did find fascinating was the dichotomy between "he's to young to know who he is" and "he has a penis, and will show it and use it" groups.  On the one hand they are claiming that "he's to young to fully understand himself, which is akin to being an innocent child.  Straight to the olde fear of public restroom rape, from a 6 year old?  Is this wee girl an innocent being led astray by her evil mother, or a possible rapist? 

Personally, I feel that trans folk are the new whipping child of the ultra religious.  Due to including trans rights in bills makes them hard to pass, we are often left out of the safety zone of law.  It was a great day when LGBT were included in the Violence Against Women law.  Here and there sprinkled throughout our country are laws that protect the trans, but many times they end at the city limits or county line.  It will be a equality battle for trans folk, of fighting our way clear of not only legal issues, but the right to not be considered to be mentally ill, and having the medical establishment treat us with respect and compassion.  It will be considerably less in duration due to the increased understanding of trans folk.  Thank you Chaz Bono, Lana Wachowski, and Alexis Arquette, you have stood above the laughter and the crude jokes and I salute you.