Sunday, April 25, 2010

Knife fights and Pokemon Dreams

I was late getting home from the hair salon, where I had my hair trimmed up a bit, and colored again.  This time along with the dark auburn base, I had added bright red highlights along with a bit of gold as well.  So, I'm flying around the kitchen at double speed, I had dinner done and on the table, and was on the last stages of getting his lunch together, I hate having to hurry like that, but didn't have much  choice.  So today I wanted to pack a fruit salad to go in his lunch box for midnight.  I had the flat bread all wrapped up, the sausage was draining and cooling, the sauce was in its packets, and a pasta salad waiting to be dished up in the fridge.  I chopped up the banana, the peach, poured some frozen blueberries in the container, and began to chop up an apple (who for the rest of this story will be called E.A. for evil apple)  I had E.A. almost cut up when, still moving at lightening speed, E.A. rolled, my finger slipped and the knife went to where it was supposed to go.  Only E.A. was no were to be seen in the vicinity of the knife, only my finger.  It wasn't a happy occasion for my finger, I haven't asked the knife yet....

So, after a time at the sink running cold water over my finger T.H. (the husband) decided I needed to have it looked at.  E.A.'s evil plan for making T.H. late to work is a success!  Bwaaa Haaaa!  On the way to the emergency clinic, a thought wiggled it's way into my head.  Son #4 is off today!  Maybe he could come and wait with me and you could go home and get ready and still make it to work in time?  A call was made, he could come, and just like that, E.A.'s reign of terror is at an end!

As it turned out, I didn't need stitches, as I filleted my self, and there is nothing to stitch or glue.  I just have this lovely piece of skin that will have to die and peel off.  I'm hoping I don't loose my fingernail, as I cut it fairly deep and hard as well.

I am totally and completely addicted to Pokemon.

Hello!  My name is Biki, and I'm a Pokemon addict!  Hello Biki!

Would you like to know how bad I am?  I'm playing while I chat.... I took it when we were out and about running errands, just in "case" I might have a few minutes...  I carried it into the kitchen with me and would work on it while making supper....  Played while I ate!

I have been super busy the last 24 hours and haven't managed to play at all.  I had a backlog of things I needed to get done, so I have decided to gut out today, and get those items done and crossed off my to do list.  I did get half of the garage cleaned before E.A.'s entry into my life, but that was only two hours away from it.  T.H. says until my finger is healed, no getting it dirty, so that means I have to wait to clean the rest of it out, which means???  Yes!  You in the back!  Correct!  More Pokemon playing time!

I managed to get a ton of stuff crossed off my list today so that means tomorrow I'm going to be in Pokemonville!  See ya there!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) needs YOU!

Hello All, Ok, it looks like ENDA is finally going to be up for a vote, soon-ish, and it needs you! The steps are super simple to follow and will take very little of your time. This is your chance to stand up and tell congress that you deserve to have your civil rights honored. No more complaining, no more whining, just drag that cell phone out of your pocket and make a few calls.  

This is the body of the email that I received today from National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund.  

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is moving in Congress again — and in a few short weeks we’re going to need your help to ensure that, this time, there are no more delays.  

Elected officials focused on health care reform for months. Now that it’s passed, we have to act to make sure millions of LGBT people aren’t left out in the cold when it comes to equality in the workplace. ENDA has been delayed time and time again, but now it looks like it will be up for a vote very soon. Now is the time to act — our elected officials need to hear that further postponement just isn’t an option. 

Right now people can be fired in 29 states for being lesbian, gay or bisexual and in 38 states for being transgender. It’s wrong — dead wrong. There’s no excuse for this kind of backwards discrimination in this day and age. ENDA can’t wait.  

Help ensure that we pass ENDA once and for all. Please make a short phone call now to your legislators to keep the pressure on. They need to hear loud and clear from people who support equality. Even if you’ve called before, and even if you think your representative is supportive of ENDA, it’s critical that they hear from you again today.  

Just follow these three steps:  
1) Call the Capitol Switchboard at 202.224.3121 and ask to speak to your representative. (If you’re not sure who your representative is, simply give the operator your zip code and they will connect you.)  

2) Follow this script: My name is _____ and I live at (say your street address) in (say your city and state). I am calling to ask that you please pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act now! Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people can't wait any longer for protection from job discrimination. So, please — no more delays. Pass ENDA right away. Thank you for your time.  

3) Go back to step 1 and call at least one of your senators — we need to make our voice for equality as loud as possible.  

It’s a quick, easy way to make a real difference in the fight for equality today. And in a few weeks, when ENDA finally goes to a vote, we’ll be calling on you to take action again. We’ll need to mobilize every last supporter we can to make more calls, send e-mails, and get friends and family to do the same. This legislation is being fought tooth and nail by the right wing, so no supporter of equality can afford to be silent.  

Thank you for acting with the Task Force today.  

Sincerely, Rea Carey, Executive Director National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund © 2010 National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund Contact us at or call 202.639.6312.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Twisted Transistor

Hey you, hey you
Devil's little sister
Listening to your
Twisted transistor

Hold it between your legs
Turn it up, turn it up
The wind is coming through
Can't get enough

A lonely life
Where no one understands you
But don't give up
Because the music do

Music do, music do
Music do, music do
Music do, music do

Because the music do
And then it's reaching
Inside you
Forever preaching

"Fuck you too!"
Your scream's a whisper
Hang on you
Twisted transistor

Hey you, hey you
Finally you get it
The world ain't fair
Eat you if you let it

And as you're tears fall on
Your breasts, your dress
Vibrations coming through
You're in a mess

Hey you, hey you
This won't hurt a bit
This won't hurt a bit, this won't hurt

Says who, says who
Anesthetize this bitch
Anesthetize this bitch, anesthetize

Just let me be
Between you and me, don't fit
Lyrics by Korn

Yeah, and that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling.  

Things are better with T.H. (the husband) however it's because I'm self editing in a large way.  I'm having a hard time dealing with me, and at the same time trying to placate him.  And my usual way of making things calm, is to back down and as I have been told, act as a door mat to everyone else.  Why do i act this way?  FFS I have no idea, only that I hate living with strife.  So, my inability to deal with upsetting others, has me stifling myself.  I only have my own self to blame for not getting what i want.

Have you even noticed that if you repeat any word quickly enough times it loses it meaning, and shortly doesn't even sound like an actual word?  Yeah, that's kinda how I feel.  I have dug around in me so much, I'm no longer sure who in the hell, what in the hell I am, or even worse what I want.  I seemed to have lost my meaning.....

I was gushing over a pair of really cute  plaid trainers, and later that day in a rather smug voice T.H. said, "You certainly sounded like a girl earlier when you were drooling over those trainers."  Sigh, yeah I do sound like a girl at times, I'm not completely a boy after all, hence the whole androgyne that I've told him I am.  So, anytime I do anything remotely feminine, it is held up and shook at me.  

To keep the peace I'm wearing clothes I dont like wearing, and had hoped not to have to wear again.  So, I'm wearing the feminine tops that I have and have never liked or felt comfortable wearing.  I've never enjoyed carrying a handbag, but now I feel like I have to. 

I feel that to get what I want, a less feminine life,  I'll lose what I have, a husband who loves me.  I hate this see saw life!  There are times I wished that I had never figured me out, never understood who/what I was.  I'm happier inside of me, but my life is so much more complicated, and full of angst and at times despair that my life will ever get any happier.