Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Long and Winding Road

Day one

I've always wanted to see the Hoover Dam, and today I finally did. It. Was. Amazing!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

tick, tick, tick....goes the clock

tick, tick, tick....goes the clock

Wow! How on earth is it already time to leave Arizona? Where ever did the time fly away too? Didn't I just get here? Hmm, I suppose not, since TH is flying down to drive me and the car home again, home again, jiggity jog.

Am I happy to go back to Alaska? Well, sorta yes and sorta no. I'm happy here, happier than I've been in ages. My health has returned and even after a mega super busy day, the next day I bounce outta bed and am ready to go, go, go! No more limping, no more feeling like crapola. Tis beyond marvelous. I wont lie to ya all, living here alone has made me very lonely. I've worked on making friends. But ya know, it takes a while, and just as I'm starting to get comfy about maybe asking someone to meet up, I'm leaving. While looking for some yarn to make the grandbaby her birthday gift, I found a fantastic yarn shop. They have a table and ladies bring their knitting and sit and chat. We help each other out, giggle and just have loads of fun. Let me tell you, knitters are a friendly bunch of people, at least these ladies are. However....going to the knitting shop once a week has been rather pricey. Its rare I leave without yarn for a project. I now have 4 projects in my queue, but whats rare, is that two of em are for me. Its a rare thing for me to knit more than socks for me.

I've missed TH, I just hope we can get back to some range or normality. I'm not really sure that is possible. But I can hope, yeah? And thats what I'm clinging to, hope. I want us to work out, I want us to be something more than platonic room mates.

This trip alone has taught me many, many valuable things. That I can make it on my own if i have to, I don't need TH to exist. This time apart has given me space to decide how I want to present myself to others. And even though this is going to sound very shallow and vain, dressing like a butchy lesbian wasn't getting me the attention I want. I hated guys eyes sliding past me, like I was invisible when I would go out dressed very boyish. And the reverse, getting hit on by girls was nice, but not what I'm interested in. I've found a middle ground to stand on. Not really femme, but not to butch either. And most days I have some article of clothing that is from the mens department. After many hours of rooting around, finally I came to an answer to why some days I cant leave the house as a girl, its all about where I'm going and what I'm going to be doing. If Im confident, and self assured, then girl world clothing is ok. However, if im feeling the least bit uncertain, its boy clothes all the way. Truly, I'm happiest wearing guys stuff, I feel more authentically me, not a role acting doll, but honestly truly me.

Newleaf took me to Pride this weekend. It was umm.....boring? To me it reminded me of the state fair, with much less food, much more beer, and no live stock. There were very few people walking about, I thought it might have been the heat, but he said no. Twas 106 F [41C], yeah it was a bit on the miserable side. On the plus side???? I saw drag kings! w00t! They were really cute, and did a good job. And of course I have to mention the wee twink boys walking about in their undies and sunglasses. They didnt help with the heat level at all! LOL

See ya all on the flip side when I get back to Alaska!

Sent from my iPad

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Angels flying to heaven

Once again one of our younger members took his own life.

Total grief on yet another bright young person not being able to see that the whole of life isnt school, and that as bad as life currently is, once you're away from school, life does get ever so much better. And not just for the LGBT kiddos either. For the uber smart kids (who will most likely run our future world), the theater kids, the metal heads, shy kids, etc., etc, etc. Those years from 7th grade thru 12th for many of us was a painful period indeed. Where any sign of deviation from the accepted "norm" was dealt with by bullying, being ostracized, whisper campaigns and the like. The herd instinct is at its strongest during this age, and the need to be cookie cutter alike is the end all and the be all.

Superimposing that stage of human development with the general malaise of school districts refusing to take action to effect a change to stop the bullying of LGBT kiddos, is state and church sanctioned hate. We will never know the extent of harm that has trickled down into our youngest and most impressionable citizens, and I'm not only speaking about LGBT kiddos either. Children attend church where they hear the minister preach the mantra that God hates gays, they are unnatural and then even worse many cite chapter and verse the violent chapters about stoning them, plucking them from the breast of church and land. Parents watch the news and one hears politicians are railing against "special rights" for gays, and how the "gay agenda" is ruining our country. Common slang uses gay and fag as a put down for stupid or lame. Its day in day out indoctrination of hate, and children are sponges and absorb every last drop of this bitter bile. These children internalize the hate they hear, for the LGBT kiddos it erodes their fragile sense of self, for the straight kids it gives them carte blanche to relieve their frustrations by bullying the LGBT. In this unequal situation, the LGBT kiddos lose, again and again. First by the school administration refusing to see there is a problem, and two by creating a situation that highlights how little respect is shown for LGBT kiddos. Into the box of LGBT, I'm also tossing the kids who are straight as a ruler, but dont present as such.

Personally, I feel that one of the reasons that LGBT has come under so much hate within the last 20 years, was the vacuum of hate created by the Civil Rights Act of 1964. With one stroke of President Johnson's pen, it was the beginning of the end of state and church sanctioned hate for blacks. The NAACP jumped on any used of the "N" word in print, on tv or the radio, and within a surprisingly short time, it wasn't accepted word in polite conversation. And as time flows by, racial hate dims with each passing generation, no I'm not saying that blacks dont experience racism, but what racism does exist, its much less virulent and is illegal.

Societies for whatever reason, seem to need a scapegoat, and we are now it. LGBT are to blame for all our woes, for weakening marriages, turning our boys into sissies, and for inviting the end times to arrive earlier, on a side note....shouldnt religious people desire the end of time, so as to go and be one with their God? And of course the whole bathroom issue of women being raped by transsexual women....sigh. Not realizing that if the transsexual ladies entered the men's restroom their chances of being raped or assaulted are quite high.

Again and again cities, states and the federal government refuse to pass laws to protect LGBT folks. Instead of treating us like a valuable member of society, we are pushed to the fringes. When laws are passed that sanction discrimination, its a mind set changer for many. It takes an opinion that is oppressive and discriminatory and affixes a seal of approval, curtsy of our constitution, changing an opinion to fact.

The LGBT groups are trying hard to right these wrongs, to make heard to everyone that we are not pedophiles, not desiring to take over the country, not soulless beings, we are no different than they. And all we want, need and deserve is to be treated with the same respect as they demand, the same civil rights, the same as anyone else-period.

Kenneth James Weishuhn, you will be sorely missed, rest in peace little angel.

Sent from my iPad

Sunday, April 15, 2012