Packing, Driving and Maid Service PLEASE!

 Sorry I've been MIA for a while, been struggling with depression and body issues.  Part of the depression I managed to winkle out the why of, I'm going to miss my volunteer "job" like crazy.  I love working at the library, love being around the people, books and it gives shape to my day.  Here, I have around 2 hours max with TH before he leaves for work at 5 pm.  Then alone again until he gets up the next day.  There will be something to keep me busy however, more about that later.

Monday night I packed the last of the boxes and suitcases for the trip home.  Finished up on the last few cleaning chores, didn't get to the vacuuming however.  Oh, well when I get home it will need a good cleaning, and it had only been a week since the last hoovering.

Tuesday morning I ate breakfast, packed my bento for snacking on for the drive to Henderson, Nevada, washed up the dishes, put the stacks of items into George and headed out.  And promptly made an error on the freeway, didnt get over into a far enough left lane and ended up being forced off that particular interstate.  So, Martha (the GPS wife) attempted to lead me back on the right path, only for me to mistake her interchange instructions and was again off course.  Finally taking pity on me, and as the freeways filled up, she switched to surface streets and driving became less of an act of bravery and faith and more do-able for me.

Five very l-o-n-g hours later I pulled into the hotel parking lot, after a few misses with off ramps and wrong turns...sigh.  Between heavy traffic, an exhausted driver, and unfamiliar streets it was a crap shoot on how long I would make Martha "recalculate" before arriving at the casino/hotel.  They had valet parking which I took full advantage of, pulled out my overnight bag, and checked in.  Within 10 minutes of checking in, I was fast asleep, and was out for around an hour.

Funnily enough, I had to walk past masses of slot machines, and other games to get to the restaurant and coffee shop and never felt the least twinge about wanting to give it a go.  Mainly because all of the people playing them didnt look the least bit happy, and if I'm going to toss money out, it's damned well going to give me some enjoyment, like a book or a movie or a new big fish game. 

Had a great dinner of gluten free pasta, a nice salad, a glass of white wine, and after watching a bit of tv was out like a light again.  Morning found me back into George with a new location for Martha to direct me to.  Of course you know I got off on the wrong track, but the good thing was, I had forgotten to fill up the tank so the route Martha took me on was lousy with petrol stations.  With Georges tank filled I finally got my shit together and managed to get out of town an off toward Provo Utah.

TH's best friend since elementary school days wanted to drive to Alaska with his son, and he didnt have anything he felt he could trust. And! It got George to Alaska, because the drive to Provo proved that I am done done done with long distance driving at around hour 4.  I will happily sit for 10 or more hours in the passenger seat, but behind the wheel my attention span is remarkably short.

After a nice visit with the long time friend and his wife, he jumped in George and took off, the wife took me to the Salt Lake airport for the last leg of the trip home.

And I arrived home to be greeted by this.....

The entire house looks like this.  The last time he ran the vacuum was December!  The dishes were cleaned up at least.  I have been cleaning and tossing of junk, trash,  been putting stuff away and after a few days of this, the house still looks like a junk heap.  This mess is going to take me a while to win against.

Maybe I should play this song for him daily after I return to Alaska?

attic monsters

 A dark side of weight loss has reared its heavy head of late, causing anguish.

I've gone from being shaped like so,   l  l  


to this,     ) (

Being shaped like  a tube is easier to forget the whole girl body.   The whole hour glass-ish shape, not so much...............

Book Plates of Gratitude

The library I volunteer at is very appreciative of their volunteers, making this library a wonderful place to "work".   Whilst I was gone getting the youngest all married up, they had a nice luncheon for all the volunteers.  The luncheon is held before the majority of the snow birds fly off back home,  few of the volunteers live here full time.

One other way they show their appreciation is the book plate program.  A book plate is printed up with our name, recognizing us for our volunteerism.  Nice yeah? 

After some thought which LGBT themed book I wanted to adhere my book plate to, I decided on Richard Plant's "The Pink Triangle: The Nazi War Against Homosexuals".  The only trick is that they dont own the book, so I asked if they ever purchase books for the volunteers.  It turns out they do, if the book is available to purchase new and isn't X-rated.

Off to the coordinator for the volunteers to ask if they would look into purchasing this book for me.  Explaining that I am a huge history buff, and one of my studies of interest is how Nazi Germany wrestled control of the country away from the rank and file German, and the sad outcome.  And that I hate that history has been white washed of the pink of LGBT and that this is an important book.  I received an odd look from her, but let her draw her own conclusions I don't really care if she thinks I'm a lesbian.

Yippee!!  The book came in last week, and is now living on the shelf!  My only issue is that they housed it in the gay section, not the history section which is where I wished for it to live.  They dont house the Jewish holocaust books in the Jewish religion section, nor do they house any other memoirs of the Nazi persecution in a separate section.  So that is a bit of a let down.  But still they bought it, and I'm happy that one more bit of our history is on the shelf for all to read, especially the LGBT teens.

If you know of a great LGBT book put it in the comments.  If the library doesn't own it, I'll suggest the book(s).

Heroic Gusty Michael School Students Fight To Save Their School

Being homesick for Alaska, I scour the Alaskan news sites, yesterday this article grabbed my heart strings.  We hear about how selfish kids are today, how they only think of themselves.  These 6 students prove that axiom ever so wrong.

Reprinted from the Alaska Dispatch

Written by Alex DeMarban

Desperate to keep their school, Stony River students raising thousands of dollars

Five schools closed this year in rural Alaska for lack of enrollment, but one on the verge of closure, in the village of Stony River, is surviving on receipts from student-run store, an effort the superintendent calls "heroic."

A student shortage led to the shutdown of four rural Alaska schools this year -- the most in a decade -- but a handful of gutsy kids in a fifth village refused to let their school die. They've agreed to contribute $18,000 to help keep it afloat, using money collected mostly from ice cream sales at the student store.
The six students, ranging from the fifth to 10th grade at the Gusty Michael School in Stony River, are "heroic," said Brad Allen, Kuspuk School District [3] superintendent.
"It's pretty phenomenal to see kids wanting to pay to keep their school open when you have so many places in the U.S. where the kids don't care about the school or are not willing to fight for it. It's definitely a welcome change," Allen said.
The store, operated out of an empty teacher-housing unit because the school building closed last year, is the only place to buy food in the community of 40 that lies west of Anchorage across the Alaska Range. Students, who also attend classes in the housing unit, sell everything from ice cream sandwiches, the most popular treat, to staples like bread and milk.

Enrollment slips under 10-student minimum

Store receipts -- plus donations -- had in recent years helped students travel thousands of miles to southern California and Washington, D.C., to visit places never seen by most of them, including zoos, museums, and urban universities.
The California excursion made minor celebrities out of the kids and their passionate teacher, Debi Rubera, as reporters witnessed them experience everything from kiwi fruit to ocean sunsets with wide-eyed amazement.
But last fall, the school was on the verge of closing [4] because enrollment had slipped below the 10-student minimum required to receive full state operational funding.
The Legislature in 1999 established that threshold [5] to reduce the high costs of education in the frigid Far North, where schools pay ginormous sums to heat and electrify buildings, ship in supplies and import teachers.
Since that law passed, 31 schools have closed as rural communities shrunk and families with kids have left town, often seeking better opportunities elsewhere.
Lacking enough students to stay open this past school year were Danger Bay School [6] in Kodiak, Clarks Point School in the Bristol Bay region, Nelson Lagoon School on the Alaska Peninsula and Pitkas Point School on the lower Yukon River, according to the Department of Education.

Accelerating closures?

The state has seen one or two rural schools close yearly since 1999, but you'd have to go back to 2003, when six schools shut their doors, to find so many closures in a single year.
The Kuspuk School District based in the village of Aniak along the middle Kuskowkim River has seen it’s enrollment shrink dramatically -- dropping by more than a third, from 500 to 320 students, in 14 years, according to Allen.
Families might be leaving because of the high price of heating fuel and gas or too few jobs, Allen said. "People practice subsistence livelihoods, but you still need gas for boats and snowmachines."
Gas in the village runs $7.38 a gallon, more than double the national average of $3.56. And heating fuel can run thousands of dollars a year per household.
Those items are expected to become more expensive in the coming weeks, once the frozen Kuskowkim River melts and the river barge arrives with the year's supply of fuel.
"It's a downward spiral," Allen said. As more students leave, the district loses more state income, and more teachers and support positions must be cut, leading to more families leaving, said Allen. The district plans to eliminate five teaching positions next year, leaving just 30.
Because the Gusty Michael School was below the 10-student minimum last fall, the district lost $30,000 in state operational funds. It expects to lose about $60,000 this coming school year and $90,000 next year. To make up the difference, the district has trimmed expenses at other schools in five other communities, including by implementing a district-wide pay freeze, said Allen.
"We're trying to do what we can to keep things going," he said.
The Kuspuk district hasn't had a school shut down since Red Devil closed in 2010.

Anticipating preschoolers' arrival

The students in Stony River -- Beth Willis and Nels, Eric, Tyrel, Michael and Nacole Gusty -- hope to make sure they're not next, said their teacher, Debi Rubera.
At the school board meeting on Wednesday, the Stony River students pleaded for another year of support from the district. The hope is that if the school can stay alive two more years, a batch of preschoolers will eventually push enrollment to 10 or more. If the school closes, people fear it will be permanent because several families will leave at once.
"I want it to stay open because it's where we learn and where we live," said Michael Gusty, a seventh grader. "It's really important because if we didn't have it people would be leaving (the village)."
At the meeting, the students told the board they would immediately donate $8,000 from the store, money they'd hoped to use for their next excursion Outside, said Rubera. They also committed to providing $1,000 a month next school year.
"They said if we don't have a school, we won't travel anyway," said Rubera.
When rural communities lose their schools, students might attend correspondence schools or travel far from home to attend statewide boarding schools such as Mt. Edgecumbe in Southeast Alaska or the Galena Interior Learning Academy in the Interior. Often, too, families pack up and move, heading to bigger cities such as Bethel, Anchorage or Fairbanks.
Rubera's doing her part to keep the Gusty Michael School open. This year, the longtime teacher has served as everything from janitor to cook to teacher aide. The only thing Rubera doesn't do is maintenance because she doesn't know how. Local handymen volunteer for that, because the person who used to fix electrical and plumbing problems is gone as well.
"It has been a massive community effort to keep this school open," she said.
Motivated by the students’ commitment, the school board agreed to dig into the district's pockets another year. And Rubera, who has a home in Oregon and one year before retirement, has promised to stay in Stony River until the school is back up to 10 students.
"I've never been in a school where kids took the money they earned to travel and handed it over," she said. "It's inspiring to see kids that are working this hard and doing everything they can to keep their school open."
Postscript: It appears at least one more rural school will close in the coming year. APRN reported that the Copper Center School, about 140 miles northeast of Anchorage, will shut down because of low enrollment. 

Source URL: http://www.alaskadispatch.com/article/20130514/desperate-keep-their-school-stony-river-students-raising-thousands-dollars

Links:
[1] http://www.alaskadispatch.com/authors/677769
[2] http://www.alaskadispatch.com/image/stony-river-students
[3] http://www.kuspuk.org/site/default.aspx?PageID=1
[4] http://www.alaskadispatch.com/article/fading-regions-stony-river-among-rural-schools-struggling-survive-0
[5] http://www.alaskadispatch.com/article/rural-alaska-villages-fight-extinction-once-schools-close
[6] http://education.alaska.gov/DOE_Rolodex/SchoolCalendar/Home/SchoolDetails/280150
[7] mailto:alex@alaskadispatch.com

Adventures in Food Analoging

For the first bit after finding out I was allergic to sooo many foods, grocery shopping was an overwhelming excursion.  Every single stupid label had to be read before being placed in my trolley and even then quite often, just to double triple check, that I hadn't missed some ingredient, the label was re-read.  Quite often finding something I'd missed on the first round or two.  Some missteps were made as I would forget things I couldn't eat, like buckwheat.  Why I'm allergic to buckwheat is anyone's guess, tis a gluten free grain, but nope, I've tried and it makes me feel like crud.

One day while in the grocery store picking up some orange juice and rice milk, I had an epiphany of sorts, the vast majority of the items in the store I'm allergic to.  Even in the gluten free section, I'm not freed from my label reading tasks, as much of it contains dairy or egg, or tree nuts.  This made me a very sad camper for quite a while. 

After "The Mussel Incident" I realized this isnt temporary, this is a permanent.  This is the way I'll have to eat for the rest of my life.  In that moment, for some unknown reason, my sadness evaporated and I began to deal in a happier more productive way.

Who knows what is rattling around inside of our heads, but lately I've been dying for a taste of my grandmother's "Scotch Eggs".  No, not these

but her version, ran through the lens of Indiana, where food quite often takes an odd shift.  Her Scotch Eggs was an dinner to clean up some of the leftovers.  So, bits of ham, hard boiled eggs.  She would dice the ham, use the whites from the hard boiled eggs ( the yolks were used for a different dish) make a white sauce using up some of the left over spring onions, and this would be poured over toast, or yeast rolls or warmed up leftover mashed potatoes.  Thrifty cook, yeah? 

After trial and error I found a way to make tofu taste like egg whites.  Maybe not for someone that has recently had an egg, but its been 2 years since my last egg.  The trick is to cut it around 1/2 inch thick, wrap in paper towels, and press most of the liquid out.  Then salt, pepper and onion salt both sides and let sit while the Earth Balance vegan butter has a chance to melt and the onion and ham has a chance to "frizzle up" a bit.  Then i carefully added the tofu "egg" and gently cooked it until barely golden brown on most sides.  Stirred in the gluten free flour, added the rice milk, along with more salt, pepper and onion powder, when the sauce became thick and creamy looking, I poured it over some rice and carefully, hopefully took a bite.....TA-DAH!  It was all that I had been hoping for!

A few days later, I made some gluten free biscuits (from a mix) did my egg trick, and whipped up a batch of italian sausage.  Making my own from ground pork doesnt take all that long and I think it does taste better, less sodium and no scary chemical additives.  Built my breakfast sandwich, poured a cup of coffee, and quite fearfully took my first bite.  OH MY SWEET STARS!  My tongue thought it had died and gone to breakfast restaurant heaven.  The biscuits while a bit crumbly, have a good flavor, and the tofu "egg" came thru like a champ again! 

I've been reading all of the vegan cookbooks the library houses. Vegan's have already figured out how to do a work around eggs and dairy, so while should I re-invent the wheel?  I'm excited to try using tofu as a substitute for paneer in Indian cooking.

A friend came over the other day for a quick bite before we headed out, and I had made a pan of gluten free brownies (from a mix) she loved them so much she wanted two servings!  They are good, moist and very tasty, which if you ask me is some sort of miracle seeing how they have no gluten nor egg.  Nestled in my freezer are slices of brownie, and when I want a sweet, it's off to the fridge for a tall cold glass of rice milk and a piece of frozen brownie.  After trying many different plant based milks, my all time favorite is the rice.  Unfortunately, rice milk is falling out of favor and almond and to a lesser extent soy are becoming the top plant based milks.  While I can drink soy, its a total no go zone for the almond, due to my tree nut allergy.   I can make my own rice milk, but have no way to fortify it, and really would much rather buy it ready to drink.

Transformations

Bob from  I Should Be Laughing  commented on my last post, saying

I still remember the days of thinking before I answered a question because I needed to make sure I didn't give anything away.
The other day at work, a co-worker told me that had I not told her I was gay she wouldn't have known, and I said, "I never said I was gay."
"You're not gay?"
No, I am gay, but I never 'said' it."
What I said, when we first met, was something about my partner Carlos; I say things like 'Carlos and I are going to vacation next week' or 'Carlos and i bought a new car.'
I reminded her that she doesn't have to introduce herself as straight and I don't introduce myself as gay. Just talking about our personal lives tells someone what our orientation is.
So, I know how you feel about not being careful what you say and how you say it.
It's a great thing.

Thats just exactly how I feel when questions about my personal life come up.  The biggest query is the lack of the usual female items, makeup, carrying a purse, manicures, the refusal to wear a dress or wear heels.  I hedge around the subject, finally ending up with a limp reply that hopefully foists their attention onto something else.

Having to hedge, prevaricate about, bothers me to no end.  One is because I dont enjoy fibbing, and truthfully am quite bad at doing so.  And two because each time I evade answering their question honestly, it hurts quite sharply.

I do feel that it is easier to work a same sex relationship into the conversation, than working trans-ness into the conversation.  The only things I can come up with is when asked why I dont act like the usual female are:  Well, typically guys dont wear/use ______.  and Except for drag queens, wearing/using _______ isnt something guys do.

The library world is filled primarily with women.  The few I have told when they work out what I'm telling them, jump right to this thought process. 
1. Gill is a guy
2. Guys like girls
3. Does that mean Gill likes me "that" way?

So, then I get to come out to them again as gay. 

And yes, Gill is my actual and true nickname.  I'm keeping my pen last name, as it fits me well.  Child of books. 

I seem to be busting out all over, yeah?

Cliff notes

Sunday I met up with the LBGTQ group that I've joined for a lunch and a movie.  Out of the 5 people who showed up, I only knew one of them,.....lets call her Annie.  We went around the table giving a thumbnail sketch of ourselves, I was the only trans person present everyone else is lesbian. 

The topic shifted to our pets and other things, when one of the ladies asked me, "How long ago did you transition?"  I then went thru my whole story, and they seemed the same toward me as before, which was nice!  The restaurant we went to had an actual gluten free section of the menu!  I had gluten free pasta and meat sauce, it was nice to be able to order from the menu, only making one change, no cheese.

After a nice lunch and a long chat, we walked to the theater, and after standing about debating the merits of one film over another, Annie suddenly said, "They have Jurassic Park in 3-D!!!"  And that's what we all went to see.  I'd forgotten over the millennium since it first came out how fun of a movie it was.

Monday morning Marlene texted me wanting to know if I was up for lunch and some shopping.  She dropped by to pick me up after her shift at the library ended and off we went to lunch, food wise wasnt nearly as successful as Sunday's was.  Anyway, we were shopping, she needs new clothing for work, when she asked me what I did this weekend.  In a very off hand manner, I mentioned lunch and a movie with a meet up group.  A while later, I could tell she had been thinking on this, she asked me who I went with.  In a very, I hope, casual manner I told her its an LBGTQ group.  Oh, she said.   Later she told me that one of her very best friends for a very long time is a lesbian.

So, Marlene thinks I'm lesbian, I'm ok with that, sorta, its not the truth about me but at least its a place to start.  The next time we are together, if it seems like the right time, I'm coming out to her.  I'm tired of hiding who I am.  The one really wonderful thing about living a zillion miles from home is I can be me, and not have to worry about it getting back to someone I dont want to know, yet.

Yes, I said yet.  I'm at the end of the hiding.  At this point in time the way I feel is if they cant accept me for who I am, fuck em.  Just straight up fuck em.  What brought along this change of heart?  This is going to sound like an odd catalysis but whatever.  The library has decided that a nice way to honor their volunteers hard work is for us to each pick a book that is important to us, and they attach the book plate to it, which has our name and that we are a volunteer.  Later that night, I realized that the only books I was researching was LGBT books.  That's when it hit me, I'm tired of not being me, of waffling around when I'm asked why I dont carry purses, wear makeup, or dresses, heels or why I've never painted my toe nails.  I'm just going to tell them, its because I'm a guy, and guys typically dont do those things. 

The book I finally picked, "The Pink Triangle; The Nazi War Against Homosexuals" by Richard Plant.  It combines my love of history, my trying to unravel the why of the holocaust, and that I too am a gay man.

Driving on Antigua

While Antigua is filled with lovely beaches, soft ocean breezes and lovely friendly people, it does have one large, glaring mark in the unpleasant column, the roads.  They are very narrow without benefit of shoulders nor center line markings, add to this for the American of driving not only on the wrong side of the road, but the wrong side of the car!

There was no way at all that I was going to drive, none, nada, zip!  TH got into the car with a bit of worry but confident that he could do this, as he drives on the right at work, abet with the workings on the "correct" side of the truck.  Our delightful taxi driver the previous day gave us a hint about how to navigate the traffic circles, she said, "If you keep the drivers door against the inside of the donut, you'll do fine!"  Later on that hint was helpful as the desire to turn the usual way was quite strong.

Within a few miles we found a giant flaw in our map.  Here look at the map a moment and then I'll continue on.

See all the delightful road names?  Ahh yes, well the funny thing is while they are named on maps, they AREN'T labeled in reality!!  No, really.  For some odd reason, the only roads with street signs were small residential roads, which when trying to get across the island shockingly enough, isn't all that much help!

At one point we decided to turn around and head back to a gas station hoping the other turn would prove more fruitful.  We turned off the "main" road onto a street lined with houses, and turned again onto an even smaller road to find a quiet place to turn about.  When we turned onto this small quiet road, a man was digging about in his fan and he looked up, saw us and his face split with a wide grin.  He came up to the car and said, "Ya lost man?  Where you be headed?"  We told him Jolly Harbor and he laughed like crazy, "You be way off your route!  Here follow me and I'll get you back on the right track!"  He waves his arm, jumps in his van and takes off.  We follow him thru several turnings and then he pulls over, waves us up even with him and tells us to, "Stick tight to this road and you'll be ok!"  We thanked him and after a little bit the road sorta kinda maybe-ish bent into 3.....  We didnt find Jolly Harbor itself, but did find a great place for lunchies!

The waiter kinda bothered TH, sorta.  S/He was tall and thin, and very very pretty, with large earrings, false eyelashes and drawn on eyebrows, long hair finely braided and done up in a bun sorta affair.  I'm not sure if waiter was trans, gay, dressed for a later gig at a drag show.  Whatever, waiter couldn't have been sweeter and more helpful.  The funny thing about this restaurant is there is one, count em one menu.  Written out on a large blackboard they have to carry around and prop next to the table.  With full tummies, and a revived but misguided sense of optimism we headed back out to the wild roads.

People park just willy nilly along these narrow roads, making them even more tricky to navigate.  In a particularly narrow portion of some road, there were cars and pick up trucks and a large truck parked alongside of both lanes of this road.  Making an already narrow road, nearly impossible.  Now people will stop for you, and when they do, they flash their lights, telling you 'tis ok to go.  We were behind the parked delivery truck and were awaiting our turn to go, and TH saw his moment, and started to creep forward, slowly, slowly, slowly and then he gunned it! 

                                                      CRASH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Our mirror didn't make it around the truck. 

TH was horrified that he had damaged the rental car in only about 20 minutes worth of driving.  We continued on, he was worried that he would get arrested, but was worried about calling the police.  After about fifteen pull off to the side of the road to look at said cartoon map, we finally figured out that all of the important crossings have gas stations on them, and are duly marked upon the map that we finally managed to find our way to Nonsuch Bay Resort.

After my trip to the hospital TH had to return to pay the bill as their system was down and couldnt take any form of payment.  The taxi driver as she pulled passed our car asked if that was our car.  TH sighed and agreed as how it was, causing her to laugh like silly.  Turns out her cousin was sitting on the porch of one of the houses there and saw the whole thing happen.  Small island, yeah?

Armed with a sense of how to read the map, and with firm instructions from the taxi driver who took TH to pay the hospital bill, we found the airport without any wrong turns, raised blood pressure, nor leaving any of the cars bits and bobs along the road.  When we return we are bringing Martha (my GPS wife) with us, hopefully she will work a treat there!

Luckily the price of the mirror wasn't outrageous, only $375.00 USD, or $1,012.50 EC.   The lady at the car rental place acted as if it were no biggie, and we were in and out of there in quick quick time.



                            

18° 0' 0" N / 61° 54' 0" W

Location: Antigua

We spent one night at Trade Winds Hotel.  This hotel is laid back and very rustic, it reminded me of the old fashioned road side hotels back in the day of two lane highway travel.  The food was amazing, the employees were warm and helpful and made us feel right at home.

Then we moved about a mile down the road to Grande Antigua Resort.   The beach was fantastic, as you have seen.  Miles of the softest sand I've ever stepped upon.  All of the employees were fantastic, super friendly and welcoming.  Due to all of my food allergies, I was having some issue finding food that was safe for me to eat.  One of the front desk ladies overheard me and made me an appointment with the chief at the OK Corral.  He wrote down everything that I'm allergic to and then made me a special meal!  It was the best meal I've had, maybe ever had!  The next night we ate at Kimono's and they cooked my salmon and beef before the chicken and shrimp!  Talk about service, wow.

However.....it felt as if we were on a cruise ship.  The minute we stepped foot on Sandals it no longer felt like we were on Antigua.  The resort is beautiful, well maintained, the food was good, but it felt removed from reality in some way.

We are currently at Nonsuch Bay Resort.  It's quite remote, after leaving Freetown its about 5 miles down a gravel road.  There is little to do here, so the relaxation factor is extreme.  We had hoped to do zipline (TH only) and then a snorkel/kayak trip, both of which were canceled due to my allergy episode that is still kicking my butt.

We love this island, love it!  Friday is coming way to soon for both of us.

wherein biki's day takes an unexpected turn

Last night at supper, we decided to split an order of mussels.  When they came, starvation caused me to dig right in, but after eating two of them, the sauce gave me pause for thought.  I thought the sauce had creme in it, turns out it did, so hubby sat there an was powering thru them, when my lips started to tingle, and then my tongue, and suddenly my throat had a huge lump that made swallowing nearly impossible. 

TH ran back to the room for benadryl, and i ordered coffee, but the swelling continued, and soon it was if I were massively drunk.  A very worried TH, went to talk to the lady at the front desk who told them the fastest way to the hospital was in a taxi. A taxi was called for, and after a 40 minute ride, we arrived at the hospital.  By then the benadryl had started to work, and they gave me a giant shot of hydrocortisone, and just like a Christmas miracle, in about 10 minutes I could breath again. 10 minutes after that I could open both my eyes completely.

I'm worn out, and feel as though I were in a fight, but ok.  This totally trashes the two events we had scheduled for today and tomorrow.  Today's because TH wont leave my side, and tomorrow due to the physicalness of the outing looks to be a wash as well.  Oh, well still tis paradise here.

 

Another day in paradise

 This gazebo was where youngest and his bride were married.  Their wedding was lovely, simple and tearful.  Her sister's husband died last summer in a horrific car crash, and when the officiant said the words, "to death do you part" she lost it.  She stood there bravely, with tears streaming down her face, not a sound left her lips, what a stalwart girl.

 

don't ya worry, i'll let ya know where i be, but just not yet!

Biki in Paradise

Pizza + Fiber = A Happy Man

Life since the doctor discovered my many food allergies has been eye opening in many ways.  I've realized that I've been sick my entire life.  Life before the diagnosis I would drag my carcass thru the day and every day was an effort.  Now?  I dart about hither and yon, my mind is constantly questing for more input, after a 4 hour shift at the library where I dont sit the entire time and am a blur of activity, I'm still full of energy.  Totally amazing to be this way.

There has been impressive weight loss as well, from where 12's were tight-ish to wearing size 8!  Well, not in Lucky jeans, but they run mega small... even in them I'm wearing a 10.  So, yeah. amazing.  When I get back from the wedding trip, I need to buy some new jeans.  All I have that fits are capri shorts.  lol lol to call them "shorts" is an oxymoron, as they come nearly to my ankles.

While I have been tempted to cheat and eat foods I know will make me sick, I have been the model patient and havent cheated once.  However, I dream of pizza....lordy do I miss pizza....wow...yeah.  Many of the local pizza places have gluten free crusts, Score!  Pizza is still out of reach tho due to cheese, sigh.  Two days ago, I was tormenting myself by visiting my favorite pizza restaurant's website, and nearly dropped my lap top, they have vegan cheese!!!  Whoo-hoooooooooo!  Yesterday that was my main bullet point on my to-do list.  I go in, check the menu, yup yup they have gluten free, dairy free.   At that point I'm minutes from having pizza again, and am praying ever so fervently for the pizza to taste like pizza!

The pizza came and smelled heavenly, looked terrific and tasted WONDERFUL!  Bite after fantastic bite, bite, bite, bite....Wow!  I took the rest home for supper.  Interestingly enough I didnt feel heavy and bloated and sleepy like I used to be after eating pizza, that in itself was an eye opener.

I started the youngest's wife-to-be a sweater back at the start of December, but finally finished!  This has been the longest knit, ever!  The pattern was tricky, and if I was tired it was impossible to knit as I really needed pay attention close attention to where I was in the pattern repeat.  For the most part I couldnt watch tv while knitting either, it was just that difficult.  Its in my suit case ready for the Wedding Trip, where I'll give it to her.  Lordy I hope it fits and she likes it.....!!!  I'm not the best knit wear photographer, so my snaps arent all the good, but at least you can have an idea what it looks like.  The sweater is a deep black, but the light from the window really washed it out.  Without the sunlight I couldnt get the stitch pattern to show up nicely. 

When Its Spring Time In Alaska

TH wanted a new camera for his b'day, as his old one had died a horrid chip death.  So, he was out and about yesterday learning the tricks of his new camera and snapped these.

This is typical "spring" weather for April.  Today it is -10 and snowing like crazy, over an inch already and still coming down.

If your interested in a web cam in downtown Fairbanks, visit here..... arctic cam.

Meanwhile in Arizona, I sat out on my porch and finished the sweater I've been knitting for the daughter-in-law to be, it was 81 and pleasant as as can be.  Walked to the grocery store and when I came home my two mallard buddies were playing in the pond.  Yeah, I know there is only one in the photo, the other one is swimming in the larger part of the pond.

When I first came to Alaska Johnny Horton was da' man! in interior Alaska.  TH used to sing me this song all the time, and it always makes me smile....now it just makes me miss him.

The pictures on the video are all the extreme north and upper northwest of Alaska.

Roe v Wade, DOMA and You

The North Dakota legislature just passed a personhood bill it now heads to the voters.  If the voters pass this law it will effectively outlaw abortion in North Dakota.  This gives an unborn fetus the status of a citizen.  This is the version the North Dakota Legislature just passed.

Provide equality and rights to all human beings at every stage of biological development.

This law could have some unforeseen effects that could play in our advantage.  I see the words, "Provide equality and rights to all human beings..." and I think that if this law is voted into their constitution it could in theory give all LGBTQI folks equal marriage within North Dakota. 

Forty years ago Roe v Wade made abortions legal in our country, and since that glorious day, the anti-abortionist have been whittling away at the rights to have an abortion with nonsensical laws and rulings.  While 68% of Americans are for allowing abortions, the antis are in full steam making it nearly impossible in many states to find a doctor, or a Planned Parenthood Clinic that will provide this service.  Here is a good link that talks about this. 

Now, I bet y'all are sitting there wondering why I'm talking about personhood bills and run arounds to Roe v Wade.  What I fear will happen is that the moment DOMA is struck down, the attacks on equal marriage will commence.  That states with legislatures stuffed with the GOP will find a loophole, a work around that will restrict either equal marriages, or access to benefits that opposite sex marriages are entitled to. 

I think the first court case out of the box in many states, will be the religious angle of not wanting to provide health care, death benefits, etc to same sex partners, just like they are attempting to opt out providing birth control under the Affordable Health Care Act, due to "religious reasons".


In states where anti-discrimination laws haven't passed, LGBTQI will suffer discrimination when trying to access rights granted by the federal government for all legally married couples, and only win their legal rights thru long drawn out court cases.  The courts are going to be stuffed full of court cases trying to wrestle rights given to us by the feds, and taken away by the states.

The blue print to fight against equal marriage is in place, they only have to implement it.  Unless the justices word their ruling against DOMA very narrowly we could be in for a very very long fight.  By allowing the states input into abortion they handed the religious right a law that is as permeable as cheese cloth. 

Easter Memories

Easter in Alaska looks like this.....

Hiding eggs outside isn't a good idea.  Small people bundled up in their snow gear, holding baskets in one hand and attempting to pick up eggs with a small hand encased in slick-ery mittens usually leads to tears and a grumpy family.  TH would distract the boys with something, so I could hide the eggs in the house.  Then he would look out the window casually, then leap up and shout, "There goes the Easter Bunny!"  The kids would storm to the window only to be disappointed that yet again they missed seeing him.

Third son was looking quite thoughtfully at his jelly beans, giving them a very cautious poke with one finger, he must have been around 4-ish.  After being hunkered for quite a long while, he finally gave up puzzling it out on his own and asked, "What kind of poop is this?"

jelly beans

moose poop
 



Causing the eldest to shout, "It's EASTER BUNNY POOP!!!!" 

"Oh!" said third son, who began to dig right into his jelly beans.

Wedding Blues

Yes, once again I'll be doing drag for a son's wedding.  Originally I had been told that a dressy pants outfit would be fine, only to be told a few weeks ago that I will be wearing a dress. 

In fuchsia no less.  Luckily that is a not to be found color outside of bridal shops.  I bought a blush pink dress, ala mad men styling, simple no frills.


Still up for debate is if I'm going to even bother to pack the dress and shoes, or just leave it behind at the resort.


Furious about being lied to about not having to wear a dress I wanted to buy boots to "liven" up the look.

Sigh, but then I came to my senses, and realized just how much it would upset my son, and resisted.  I love my son and wouldn't want to hurt him on his wedding day. 

Luckily, he is the last of the boys to marry, and this should be the last time I'm required to dress in drag for them.

When told about the change in my wardrobe, TH got very quiet and said, "I'm really sorry dear.  He doesn't understand how this hurts you." 

In a flash of anger, I thought, "Yeah, whose fault is it he doesnt know?  YOURS!"    But in my calmer moments I know he is only trying to protect me.  As time ticks by, I honestly feel that the boys would be ok with me as a trans person, and still sure that their wives wouldnt be. 

I will dress as directed, and enjoy being with my son on his big day. Hold tight to TH and hope for a tomorrow where I can finally be honest with my sons, and still keep them in my life.

...a zillion years ago, on a far off planet

.....a zillion years ago, on a far off planet, Indiana, I was attending college.  Yes, Virgil they did have colleges in that far distant time, now where was I?  Oh yeah......so, I was friendly with this girl whose brother was coming to visit her.  Now, I had no interest in meeting said brother as I was dating a guy, a professor to be exact, when she asked me she wouldnt take no for an answer.  To shut her up, I finally agreed to meet him when he arrived.  I figured what the hell, I'll just make myself scarce for a few days, and then act all sad that I "missed" him.  Well the joke was on me, he came early on a Friday morning.  I didnt have a class on Friday and usually slept until lunch time, storing up so as to party later, yeah?  She came barging into my room and woke me up, and when I resisted getting up, she ripped the covers off me, and about died of mortification as I was starkers.  Quickly flinging the covers back on me she zinged me with the arrow, "you promised!".  Sigh.  Telling her to leave so I could get dressed she left the room, and leaned on my door!  This girl has some trust issues!

The main reason I wasnt better friends with this girl is that she was hyper religious, and I've never been accused of being so, I had it in my mind that if she was that religious her entire family must be as well and had no interest in yet another person attempting to save my soul.  I wasn't dressing to impress, and so I pulled on stuff I snagged from the floor.  Looking at the extreme bedhead, my hair wont comb out in the morning it has to be washed to behave, I jammed a cap on my head and pulled on a hoodie, stomped on a pair of beat up tennis shoes and brushed my teeth and called it good. 

I straggled behind the gaggle of girls she had lined up to meet her brother, and found a nice curb to sit on and a surprisingly comfy car to lean against, and was quickly drifting back to sleep when her voice thundered out, "HE'S HERE!!!!"  And jerked me to my feet, about ripping my arm from my socket.  I was rubbing my eyes when he parked the car and walked over to his sister, and gave her a huge hug.  He made some lame joke about why didn't she bring of any her friends so he could meet them.  She ran around like a 5 year old all wound out on sugar, introducing us one by one, and then she came to me. 

Truthfully, I hadnt really looked at him, I was just biding time until my warm and comfy bed could claim me again,  ahh sleep I hardly knew ye.....   When she introduced me, I looked up, and our eyes locked and

the

world

stood

S T I L L

no sound

no nothing

just him

and

me

suddenly, the world came rushing back, a congress of females all quacking, the breeze blew again, but still all I saw was

H I M 

himhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimhimmmmmmmm

And just like that, we fell in love.  Yes, yes I know how could that be possible?  We hadnt spoke to each other, hadnt touched each other, but still after all these years, its the truest thing I know.

It took him 2 days to dredge up the courage to ask me out on a date.  And it wasnt until I was dropping from exhaustion at 3 am that I finally figured out why he wouldnt leave the lounge and kissed him. 

We couldnt stop kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing

A week later he asked me to marry him

3 months later we married

its been 35 years now

Saint Patrick's Day has always been our anniversary, others think I'm cracked, but really if we hadnt met, how could we have ever gotten married?  Honestly I do have trouble remembering the actual date of our wedding, and rarely remember that date, TH is the one to remind me.  But this is the day that gets the big celebration, this is the day that means the most to us.  Sadly we are apart on our big day.  Next year we will find some way to be together on our anniversary.

Of Tonka Trucks and Dolls

By this late date, everyone and their dog knows who wee sweet Coy Mathis is, and the struggle her family is in with their school board over allowing her to use the correct restroom at school.  I've been reading, reading, reading the comments posted after the stories, and it would be nice to say that I'm  surprised by the hate pouring out over this issue, sadly however there is no surprise at the depths of hate and ignorance on display.

Yes, I know for those lucky humans whose genitalia and gender match, transgender its a hard concept to grasp, adding to this swirl of confusion is Coy's age.  Unfortunately most humans dont remember being 6, and just how much children this age understand about themselves.  Stir into this mix ignorance of gestational science, and a forest fire erupts.  Building an entire new being from scratch isn't the easiest task, and it does go awry.  About 2,000 babies a year are born with indeterminate genitalia, until quite recently these children were operated on with days of their birth to "normalize" their genitalia, which is thankfully no longer the rule.  I have felt that being transgender/transsexual is a birth defect and should be added to the category intersex.  We aren't crazy and shouldn't be listed at all in the DSM, but should be listed in the medical manuals.

Here are a few of the comments that grabbed my attention....


This commenter wasn't being mean, simply does not understand what the family, nor the child are going through on a day to day basis. 

This is a topic that most people are really struggling with what should be done.  The of supporter for LGBT and the most "traditional" voices see to be equally struggling with this issue........As a parent of a 7 year old boy, I sit back back and try to think of how my wife and I would deal with such a situation......first I will love my child regardless, but it seems to me, that based on the anatomy of the child that all aspects/attempts to "be a boy" should be explored........We say no to our kids all of the time for a wide variety of things...not to be mean, but to protect them and hopefully steer them to make the best choices.........It would seem to me that by the time of Puberty would be when the time to really start evaluating the transgender aspects..............Some kids will "grow out of it" as a phase or will "grow into in"..................It will be interesting to see out this one plays out

Then there were some that were more misguided

I ask again: if we expect all the girls to be comfortable using the girl's room with a boy who identifies as a girl but is still male, why can't we ask Coy to be comfortable using the boy's room? See how that works? Why is the burden on all the girls in the school instead of him/her? 

 Into the complete and utter stupid

What have the school and its employees said except they want no part of this child abuse.

The none of your business raises the issue of "who speaks for the child"

You know of course, before she made herself and Coy an international celebrity, the mother could have simply moved her child to another school, and introduced the child as a girl. Told Coy to use a stall.

But really wears the fun and excitement of all that?

You, no doubt would support the notion if a child believed he could fly like Superman, he shouldn't be told he CAN'T DO SOMETHING. 

and this, which  surprisingly cropped up quite a bit

Maybe we have a mother suffering from Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.

We don't know about anything except what the mother tells us. 

Our society has become more open and welcoming for LGB adults, laws were changed to allow gays in the military, marriage equality is slowly creeping across the land, and gays and lesbians arent the villains in crime tv shows.  Due to this wonderful new openness, children are coming out to their parents at ever younger ages because they now have a word that describes themselves, and for the most part the children know from the chatter around the house that their parents are ok with gays/lesbians/bi's. 

No, I'm not wearing rose colored glasses, I know that most of the religions world wide really hate LGB and if they could would go all nazi on our asses and "cleanse" the world of our evil.

They scream, and while they all prattle on about "hate the sin, love the sinner" we all know thats a load of shit.  As much as they despise gays and lesbians, they froth at the mouth when mentioning trans folk.  Saying that DNA can not be changed no matter how many surgeries are performed, the "sex" of the person hasn't, can't change.  What I think is interesting is how anti science these types are, until they trot out bits and pieces to "prove" their point.  The yell about mutilating G_d's gift in ways s/he never intended.  Which really is their usual spiel about stuff that scares them about the ever changing, evolving society we live in.

The amount of blame for the parents, but especially the mother was outrageous and uncalled for, but sadly typical of haters and blame whores.  What I did find fascinating was the dichotomy between "he's to young to know who he is" and "he has a penis, and will show it and use it" groups.  On the one hand they are claiming that "he's to young to fully understand himself, which is akin to being an innocent child.  Straight to the olde fear of public restroom rape, from a 6 year old?  Is this wee girl an innocent being led astray by her evil mother, or a possible rapist? 

Personally, I feel that trans folk are the new whipping child of the ultra religious.  Due to including trans rights in bills makes them hard to pass, we are often left out of the safety zone of law.  It was a great day when LGBT were included in the Violence Against Women law.  Here and there sprinkled throughout our country are laws that protect the trans, but many times they end at the city limits or county line.  It will be a equality battle for trans folk, of fighting our way clear of not only legal issues, but the right to not be considered to be mentally ill, and having the medical establishment treat us with respect and compassion.  It will be considerably less in duration due to the increased understanding of trans folk.  Thank you Chaz Bono, Lana Wachowski, and Alexis Arquette, you have stood above the laughter and the crude jokes and I salute you.