Gandhi Thoughs

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win."
                            Mahatma Gandhi

If Mahatma is correct, and this is indeed the path one has to travel to win against an oppressor, lgb are almost at the finish line.  By my best guess we are in the "they fight you" turn.  I think we have turned the corner from the ridicule portion of the program.  Why?  Well, really when was the last time you heard anything different from the right?  Yeah, me either.  The last few years, its all been recycled stuff.  Oh, look at how good earth stewards the right are, they are recycling even their shit.

Walking Gandhi's path of non-violence has been a hallmark of glbt.  Every violent encounter has been met with passive resistance.  It's been the glbt that has been on the end of bats, fists and death, not the straights. Even though we were denied access to the hall of civil rights, we never thought of burning it down.

I dont know if you noticed the absence of the "t" at the end of glbt in the first paragraph.  Yeah, while there is light at the end of the tunnel for gays, lesbians and bi's, trans folk are still stumbling along in the dark.  While there is an "ick" factor for many straight's when they think of same sex people enjoying sex, it doesnt even come close to how many people feel about trans folk.

I've given the "ick" factor about trans people a great deal of thought.  I think what bothers most people is the mutilation of the body that many trans folk under go to allign their inner selves with their outer shell.  The idea of cutting off penises, testicles, or breasts is a vision for cis people that is akin to a horror movie. But to trans these body parts mean nothing, only a hindrance to be able to be seen as who we truly are.

Lately the label of trans is pinching me.  Why?  Because if you want to talk to a group of people who are totally wedded to gender norms, haul up a chair at any gathering of trans.  The transwomen really are cruel to the T-ladies who no matter what, will never ever pass.  They give each other shit for leaving the house without make-up on, or not dressed up, their hair not styled, their nails not done.  And before you sit and shake your head thinking, "Well of course they are like that, they are women after all", there is more to it than that.  Transmen are just as bad at judging each other.  The worst thing in the transman world is to be femme.  T-men have to be uber macho, have large muscles, have some righteous ink, and never flip a wrist, or forget and cross their legs.  To be a femme T-man is to be ridiculed, and to be honest after all these years living as a woman, there is no way I could ever be a totally masculine guy if I transistioned.  I could pass as male, but never as anything but a femme gay guy.  And while I'm ok with that, it leaves me out of the loop in the T-man world.

While attending the conference this last January was liberating on many fronts, it also illuminated that this was yet another area where I didnt fit in totally.  I was met with odd expressions, and was asked several times, "What or who I thought I was"  Now this really took me aback.  I was being asked what I was at a trans conference?  One of the T-men I met told me later that he uses me as an example of "there is more than one way to be trans."  Isn't that the saddest thing ever?  To have to hold up someone else as an example to defend who you are, not to the straights, but to other transmen, is beyond ridiculous.

So what label am I looking at now?  Well, I could fall back onto my original label of androgynous.  Or, I'm toying with genderqueer.  They seem to be a more fluid group.  I belong to a yahoo group for genderqueer, and many of these people are living my life, having the same problems finding a way to express their true selves without being pigeonholed as one sex or another, which is something that is becoming more and more important to me.  There is no way to keep my current life with TH and my boys if I trade out my girl shell for a boy one.  And I'm ok with that.  Just not comfortable being squashed and twisted so as I can fit into the box labeled female.  I'm sick and tired of living my life in a labeled box.  What I want to be is.........ME.  Damn the labels.  So the Gandhi quote at the start of this applies to this gender and label journey I've been on.  I've won against my own self war,  I'm fuck all tired of walking that path, and am going to strike out on my own, forging my own path.  If ya wanna, you are most welcome to come with.*

*if you're from the midwest, that last sentence is a complete sentence, yeah it really is.