Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Our Anniversary

Our anniversary...hmm well it depends on who you ask, as to what answer you'll get.  If you ask TH, then you'll hear the date of the day we married.  Ask me, and you'll get the day we met.  Yeah, time challanged me, remembers THAT date.  Saint Paddy's day.  When we locked eyes with each other, it was as if the world stopped spinning, time itself held her breath.  For someone who didnt even believe in love, lust hellz yeah, love pfff no!  Falling into love between one breath and the next, blew my windows out.  Slowly, step by step I learned what it felt like to be cherished, to be wanted, and that love, real love isnt laced with fists, cutting words, or the hot end of an iron.  Yeah, life wasnt pleasant growing up with my female parent.


 We have been married now for 33 years.  Whoa, what a huge ass number of years!  And while it hasn't all been perfect, it's been an unbelievable ride of companionship, affection, love, lust, and support.  I mean really, how many "women" could tell their husbands they are guys inside, and still have them around a year later?  Most of TH's friends all told him to leave me.  Or at the very least get drunk, and screw every female around.  We both have a different view of monogamy, we have both offered each other the ability to go and have sex with others, something that so far hasnt been followed up on.  However, it's always on the table.  We came to this after I stepped out on TH in a very dark era of our marriage.  Me having sex with someone else, woke him up as to how unhappy I was with him.  Before that?  Yeah, he totally didnt get what his attitude during that time period, was doing to me, to us.   The "infidelity" wasn't even an issue, it was what brought me to that point.  So in a weird ass way, me having sex with someone else, saved our marriage.

This weekend was spent opening our hearts to each other, something that we had stopped doing for fear of hurting each other, fear of breaking our bond for good and all.  This past year hasnt been kind to our marriage at all.  This past year was a mine field of hurt feelings, mixed signals, and not knowing how to help each other over the mud puddles.  The hard questions were asked, and openly answered, no hedging, no softening the answers, but the boldly lit truth.  We talked about sex, and the lack of it in this past year, and I think we are to the point again where the energy should start flowing again.  Fantasy's were discussed, and when TH asked me mine, I told him he already knows my fantasy.  When he realized what my fantasy is, to be a flesh and blood guy, he looked sad, but agreed with me that transitioning would be hard on my relationship with our sons.  Losing TH is still beyond my ability to grasp what shape my life would take without him in it.  He isnt able at this point in time to be with a guy, sexually or emotionally, and I totally get that. 

So our marriage has again weathered a storm, battered but very intact.  TH and I are in this for the long haul it seems.  How we managed to find each other in a sea of others is beyond me.  We fill each others needs, we are more together than we are separate.




8 comments:

  1. Many congratulations to you both!

    A marriage is something like a deal, perhaps?

    For those of us who are lucky enough to have found someone to love it can be a matter of never pushing things so far that we begin to erode that love.

    So it's a deal between his soft and cuddly, generous and smiley bits and then dealing as best and as tolerantly as we can when the opposite side of him shows through.

    And we make it our business to help him not show it too often, eh? and I'm sure that goes for both of us!

    Leastways - that's maybe one way to describe what Pete and I have - so maybe you guys do too?

    Well done, anyway!

    Coz it's really cool to still be in love with the one who has become your very best friend.

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  2. I'm glad you found real love with TH. Congratulations on your 33-years of success. It's really nice that you have begun (resumed?) communicating fully with each other. That's the secret to longevity in my opinion. I hope the energy does start flowing again.

    I'm very glad you two found each other. Very nice post, thanks.

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  3. Congratulations on the 33.
    And through it all, you've changed and adapted and stayed together.
    Not many couples can say that.

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  4. You know, in all this I see a deep respect for each other. That's definitely something to admire and cherish.

    Congrats to the anniversary!

    Love
    Daniel

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  5. To survive all you've survived shows me the deep and abiding love that you and TH share. How awesome is that?

    Congratulations on THIRTY-THREE years! WOOT!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  6. Congrats ..... btw that is one of my other all time favorite songs .... lol and so understand that song .... miss ya

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  7. Congratulations on 33 years! Marriage these days is difficult enough, that you're still together is a testament to the respect and love you have for each other.

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