After lancing the poison about living my life in wee segments in my last post, life is better. I took a huge step for me, and emailed the first three chapters of Break Free to our oldest son. So, far his life has been full of chaotic days and nights and has not had a chance to read it, but what was important to me, was that I took the step! And in a few days if he still hasn't read it? Am working up the courage to ask him to take a few minutes to at least TRY it. I don't really care if he enjoys the story or not. But, I want him to see a different side of me.
Blogging and chatting has caused some minor friction between T.H. and me. He is insanely jealous of my chat friends. Two of my fav chat boys, make me laugh out loud, and I often do while madly typing LOL LOL LIL LIL, and I keep getting the LOOK from T.H. He asks what we are chatting about, and I comply by reading him the funny part of the chat..... Chat Boys and my humor? Yeah, couldn't be farther from T. H.'s if we tried, so he doesn't think what I am giggling about is even vaguely funny. And has even gone to far to ask if I am having an online affair...... Yeah, let me think about this for a minute..... Chat Boys are in their early 20's, and oh, that's right, GAY. The last time I checked, was a girl. Hang on a moment......'k I checked (censored so as not to cause ewwwwww's) and yup still a girl. The only thing that my Chat Boys are interested in? Hellz yea my fabulous personality!
To a very, very, very special guy, shit dude, I can not believe how close we have gotten in such a short time. Life is so much better with you as my friend, much, much better! And let me know when you need my evil and I will be extra good!
I have gotten so much out of my short time in blogland, it is just completely unbelievable. Met some super people, shed buckets of tears for some of you, and had sleepless nights worrying about if you will be ok. Spread tons of comments around, hoping that some of my advice helps. Sometimes I think my different view as a mom, gives me a different spin on things.... course I might be wrong!
And what have I gotten back? Loads of support! Box cars full of smiles, hugs, giggles and yeah, LOVE and acceptance! Living in Hell Town was very unhealthy for my self esteem. For 29 long years, living somewhere that tore me down, made me feel bad about myself, always being on the outside, ripped my always fragile self esteem. And these last two months? I am slowly patching the rips, rents and tears. And I won't lie to you, it has been hard. Pulling out the dross that unkind and hateful people have filled me with. And as I find the dross, it goes right in the rubbish bin. A work in progress, someone that is just not going to idle in the slow lane, but I wanna cruise down the road, flirting with redlining the engine, flat out fast, out loud. Fully ALIVE.
And to a newly found friend, I want my vanilla sandwich cookie!
And sweetie boy, the first person in blogland to see me, love you! Just because you are last? Yeah, so, so not least at all! And hey, without a doubt you are cute!
*LIL = Laughing Inappropriately Loudly