Adventures with Porn Boy

In high school, a great many of my best friends were guys.  We would endlessly debate about topics such as, quarterbacks, the NFL draft, engines and the like.  I do have to admit that the topic of basketball was a total snoozefest for me, and I would defect to the girls or to the more nerdy end of the boys table.  Science is fun!

One of the gang o' boys that I hung out with had a real thing for porn magazines.  He had some friend or other who worked at an adult store, and would give/sell him mags.  Now, Porn Boy carried all of his collection with him at school.  His mom had come across them before and tossed them all out.  When he had tired of a mag, he would sell it.  Porn Boy and I were closer than the rest of the boys were.
We had the same twisted sense of humor, and yes we both hated quarterbacks... Until Brett Favre came along that is...

Porn Boy and I only shared one class together, and I sat behind him.  For two reasons, he was a great shield and I could get in a wonderful nap, and, yeah the porn was interesting.  We had a system set up, if I touched his shoulder, it meant don't turn the page until I tapped him again.  After Christmas our schedules changed and most of his classes were at the opposite end of the school from his locker.  And yeah it was a pain to shlep from one end of the school with all of those damed books. So he shared my locker, and life was good.

Until one day he came running up in a total meltdown panic.  Turns out there was a rumor going about the school that a locker check was supposed to happen soon.  A few years before, some boys had been caught with porn mags, and the school couldn't do anything about it.  Why?  Well, there wasn't a school rule about it.  They quickly plugged that error hole quickly.  Why didn't he just take them home?  I asked him that as well, he explained that ever since the Grounding of Forever as PB put it, she routinely went thru his room.  He couldn't trust his buddies to give them back.  So, what to do??

You want to put them in my locker??  Are you insane?  No, you are right there is no rule against girls having porn......  But, still like.... yeah I like to look at them too....but nah no I am in trouble enough as it is.  So, you owe me one, who cares!  No!  You are right tho, how much trouble could I get into anyway..... no school rule against me possessing porn on school property....even if they did catch me..... what the hell, yeah put them in my locker.  Just take your school books or they will know they are yours.

You read all of that right.  I went from being against it completely to going along with the whole thing.  I swear to God, someone dropped me on my head or something as a baby.  In went the porn, out came his school books, and honestly the topic flew right out of my head.

The next day I am sitting in homeroom, when the office runner came with office notices, and my name was called.  Huh?  Why am I going to the office?  Not one clue in my head.  So, on the long walk to the office, I was going over my sins that I could think of.  No absences, so no forged notes from home.  Smoking at lunch, but that was an instant office visit.  Humm, I seem to be clean!  Must not be in trouble after all!  Yay me!  Light heart, clean conscience me, turned in my note and took a seat.  Quicker than usual I was ushered back into the Dean of Girls office.

As I entered the office my heart plunged down to the molten core of the earth.  Sitting on her desk was Porn Boy's stack, of well porn.  Time for some first class, gold plated bullshit.  And so the third degree began.  Who did the pornography belong to.  Me.  Really?  You like to look at naked women?  Now what is the correct answer to that one?  Because honestly, I only enjoyed the action shots porn shall we say.  Never was interested in looking at girls naked.  So, screwing up my courage, I answered.  Yes, I like looking at naked women.  A really funny look crossed her face.  Let me get this straight, this is your porn and you enjoy looking at naked women?  Ya know the saying about rats leaving a sinking ship?  My head was the ship and my mind, yeah the rats.  Empty of any good BS at all.  Nodding my head like some sort of moron, lack of any words available to me.  Finally some rats came running back to the ship, and I found my self telling her it was not against the school rules for me to have porn on school property.  After a good haggle, leaving me drained and limp, I got out of the office, and yeah I did try to get the porn back, before leaving the office.

Lunch time rolled around, and I gave it to Porn Boy with both barrels.  I shot him so full of holes he was out of blood to leak.  But, at least unlike other trips to the Dean of Girls, no detention!  So, yay me!  He apologized to me, we were solid again and the rest of the day spooled out.

Next morning, home room, office runner, again my name was called.  Now, if I was confused yesterday, today I was totally lost.  I get to the office, and I have an appointment with the guidance councilor.  Whatever, so I wait for my boring midyear class check.  Slumping in my seat, getting comfortable for what was usually a long wait.  Before I got quite settled in, my name was called.  Damn, I usually wait for 30 minutes or longer for a 5 minute meeting.  Humm, this does not bode well for yours truly.  Into his bomb shelled office, I sit rather gingerly, wondering what is going on, because suddenly the memory of already having my midyear class check pops into my head.

After hemming and much clearing of his throat, and never once meeting my eyes, he was seemingly fascinated with his pen.  Finally after 12 of my lifetimes, he comes out with it.  So, I am attracted to girls?  At first his sentence made no sense at all to me.  What?  Why would you think that?  Then in an explosion of understanding, I am again so full of anger at PB that had he been in there, I could have cheerfully removed every trace of his genitals!  No, I am not attracted to girls.  Why do I like to look at naked women then?  Now that was a really good question.  Digging up some diamond plated BS, I came up with that I wondered what it would be like to look like a more usual girl.  Because truth to tell, no hips and the breast fairy hadn't dropped off much of a delivery.  And then the big guns came out, and shot me down.  Why did I need I need porn-o-graphy for that?  Any women's magazine would do.  Rat-a-tat-tat, and just that quick my BS was shot down.  Did he want me to scheduled an appointment with my parents to discuss my..... individuality?  Huh?  What?  Ahhh!  No!  No!  That's fine!  Promising to not bring any more porn on campus I ran from his office.

Spending most of lunch yelling at Porn Boy, who for some unknown reason, found the idea of me being a lesbian hysterical.  I finally forgave Porn Boy, and we were solid, again.  A few days later, a new student stood with his tray trying to decide where to sit.  Oh, honey come sit with me.  An asbestos suit was needed to just look at him!  Hot! Hot! Hot!  Thinking what the hell, I jumped up and pulled him over to our table. Well, over the course of the next few days, things heated up fairly quickly between us.  Our school had a no kissing policy, one that I was always in trouble for breaking.  I served more detention for kissing than you can believe.  Pulling me into the dimmer part of the locker area, Hot Boy and I proceeded to bruise, bend and outright shatter several school rules.  Oh, but Hot Boy was so worth it!  A teacher walked by, stopped and then backed up.  As he got closer to us, he looked at me, then looked again, turned around and walked away.  To say I was confused, would be putting it mildly, he had caught me many times in the past. After kissing Hot Boy all over campus and never getting into trouble for it, I decided that they were trying to encourage me into kissing the "correct" sex!  Things fizzled out with Hot Boy fairly quickly.  I think his hotness had burned out any semblance of personality.  And after kissing several different guys, my get of out trouble kissing card disappeared.  I guess they had decided that I was "fixed".