A Timeline of the Alaskan Battle for LGBT Rights

                     Legalizing Love: The struggle for gay rights in Alaska continues

    By Scott Christiansen and Matt Caprioli

                                            Originally printed in the Anchorage Press

Since the 1970s the struggle for LGBT equality in Alaska has taken on a one-step-forward/two-steps-back quality. Whenever gains are made, either politically or in the courts, a backlash follows. We’ve tracked some of those gains on a timeline along with some of the backlash. We’ve attempted to include those milestones when the courts, legislators or voters weighed-in and actual law was passed or repealed, and in some cases struck down or blocked or vetoed. Some lesser milestones we chose because they seem to illustrate cultural or political shift, if not an actual change in law.


The exercise seems timely because of the new court case, Hamby v. Parnell, in which five same-sex couples are suing in federal court to have Alaska’s gay marriage ban overturned. It’s not the first time this issue has been in court in Alaska. In fact, the definition of marriage in our state constitution was itself a backlash that followed gay rights gains made in court. But the current lawsuit is part of a trend that has included recent victories for gay marriage in courts across the nation. That’s not the only trend. American attitudes are changing, too. This month a Gallup poll showed that 55 percent of Americans think marriages between same-sex couples should be on equal footing with traditional marriage. It was 27 percent in 1996. Alaska isn’t likely far behind in the progress toward social acceptance.
But Alaska has lagged when it comes to legal acceptance. It was the first state to ban same-sex marriage through an amendment in its constitution in 1998, beating Nebraska by two years and Arizona by a decade. The current lawsuit tests Alaska’s marriage amendment against the U.S. Constitution and could render the Alaska law moot. Our freelancer, Matt Caprioli, caught up with the five plaintiff couples to ask them why a legal marriage in Alaska was so important they were willing to sue for it.That the five couples are brave is self-evident. That’s a required trait when someone is called upon to fight a powerful political arm of society. But in contrast to the political arena, we didn’t hear chest thumping or saber rattling from the plaintiffs. Each of them talked about personal slights and times when those two-steps-back in Alaska law hurt.


They also talked about loving each other and about commitment and caring within their relationships. And that last part is what they all had in common. What they want recognized is simple. It’s a commitment spawned of love. For those of us who now find ourselves among the majority in America, it’s baffling that anyone would want to deny their commitments exist or diminish them in any way.

The Struggle for Marriage - Article about Hamby et al. v. Parnell et al.


Gay rights milestones
1972
 The Imperial Court of All Alaska was founded. The group now claims to be the first LGBT association to incorporate as a nonprofit in Alaska. Imperial Courts operate in a fashion similar to fraternal organizations or sororities. The ICOAA grants scholarships, raises money for charity, recognizes community members with annual awards and hosts the Gay Alaska pageant each year in June.

August 10, 1974 
Peter Dispirito, a gay man, owner of a hair salon and founding member of the IOCAA, was stabbed and killed in his home. Dispirito’s killer, Gary Lee Starbard (then 22 years old), was indicted on second-degree murder and pled down to manslaughter. He served less than a year in prison. A defense attorney referred to the killer as a “victim” and called Dispirito a “wolf” during a sentencing hearing. The judge admonished the defense lawyer, reminding him the victim was a dead man.

December 1975 to January ‘76

In the first year after the old City of Anchorage and Greater Anchorage Area Borough merged, the Anchorage Assembly passed an ordinance that included “sexual orientation” in the local code banning discrimination due to race, gender, religion and disabilities. Then-Mayor George Sullivan vetoed the legislation and Assembly attempts to override the veto failed. The Anchorage Equal Rights Commission was established without the sexual orientation language.

1976 - 1977
 Mayor Sullivan deleted the Alaska Gay Coalition listing from the 1976-77 edition of The Anchorage Blue Book. The coalition sued the Municipality and lost, but the Alaska Supreme Court overruled the lower court. The government argued that the Blue Book was not a public forum and claimed it needed to exclude organizations due to lack of space, but the court found that argument lacking because the Alaska Gay Coalition had been singled-out for exclusion.

1977 
The Alaska Gay Community Center, the precursor to Identity, Inc., was founded in Anchorage. Organizers met weekly, established a helpline and eventually a newsletter, Gay Alaska, first published in 1980.

June 1978
Anchorage’s first Pride Parade was more of a demonstration than a parade, with many protesters wearing bags over their heads to protect themselves from employment discrimination. 

1983 - 1985 
An Anchorage lesbian mother lost custody of her child and filed an appeal. The Alaska Supreme Court overturned the decision. “Simply put, it is impermissible to rely on any real or imagined social stigma attaching to mother’s status as a lesbian,” the court ruled. 

1986 - 1989 
Identity, Inc. published two reports documenting gay and lesbian life in Alaska. They found that 31 percent of business owners and managers surveyed said they would not hire or promote someone they knew was gay. Twenty percent of landlords said they would not rent to lesbians or gay men. 

October 1989
 The Anchorage Equal Rights Commission, whose members were appointed by the mayor and confirmed by the Assembly, took notice of Identity, Inc.’s reporting. The Commission held hearings and struggled with potential changes to city code. It voted against recommending changes. (Appointments to AERC become further politicized, with gay rights in the center of a tug-of-war.) 

December 1992 - January 1993 
Progressives on the Assembly, led by Democrats, moved to add “sexual orientation” to the local law enforced by the AERC. They failed, but the Assembly passed a version that banned job discrimination among city employees. Mayor Tom Fink vetoed the law. The Assembly overrode the veto. The new law only protected city employees from job discrimination and did nothing to prevent housing discrimination

.February - April 1993
 Christian activists petitioned to repeal the watered-down gay rights law. The law was suspended after 20,000 signatures were delivered to the city clerk’s office. (Fewer than 6,000 were required.) A group sued to keep the issue off the ballot and the Supreme Court ruled in their favor. The title of the referendum—“Referendum Petition to Repeal a ‘Special Homosexual Ordinance’”—the court ruled, was “potentially prejudicial” and misleading. Opponents of gay rights took over the Assembly in the April election and the new Assembly voted 7 - 4 to repeal the law. 

1993 - 1994 
Politician Kevin “Pat” Parnell, a one-term member of the Alaska House of Representatives and former Assemblyman, told constituents in a newsletter he was switching his registration from Democrat to Republican. Parnell’s social conservatism was well known— he told the Anchorage Daily News gay rights must be kept out of local law. Parnell said he did not want the city to “stray” from its 1975 charter. Pat Parnell lost his bid to become mayor. He is the father of current Governor Sean Parnell. 

1994 - 1995
 Two University of Alaska employees, Kate Wattum and Mark Tumeo, took the University to court after being denied health benefits for their same-sex partners. Fairbanks Superior Court Judge Meg Greene ruled in favor of the couples, concluding that the University’s policy meant married employees automatically receive better compensation for the same work. The University appealed to the Supreme Court. That effort failed and the University announced in July of 1995 it would adopt a new policy. 

1994 - 1995 
Two republican state representatives, Norm Rokeberg of Anchorage and Pete Kelly of Fairbanks, sponsored legislation that made it legal to discriminate against same-sex partners when it came to employee benefits. It failed, but the following year Rokeberg and Kelly backed a “definition of marriage” bill that Rokeberg claimed was “forced” by Judge Greene’s decision in the University case. Anti-gay laws were passed, but the University continued to allow its employees to earn family benefits. 

1995
 Jay Brause and Gene Dugan, the couple who founded Out North Theater, filed a lawsuit against the Alaska Bureau of Vital statistics seeking to obtain a marriage license in Alaska. The couple argued that they had been denied equal protection under the law, a violation of both the state and U.S. Constitution. They also argued their right to privacy, protected by the state constitution, was being violated. Baptist minister Howard Bess and his wife Darlene would later join the lawsuit because it was illegal for Bess to “solemnize” a gay or lesbian marriage. 

1996 
The Legislature passed the law sponsored by Rokeberg and Kelly explicitly defining marriage as between one man and one woman. Governor Tony Knowles allowed the bill to become law without his signature. Knowles called the law “unnecessary” and “divisive” but refused to veto it. 

February 1998 
Anchorage Superior Court Judge Peter Michalski ruled that the lawsuit Brause v. Alaska Bureau of Vital Statistics should go to trial. The Alaska Legislature responded almost immediately by passing a resolution to place an amendment to the state constitution before voters. The amendment read: “To be valid or recognized in this state, a marriage may exist only between one man and one woman.” The amendment was scheduled to be added to Article 1 of the Alaska Constitution, the article titled “Declaration of Rights.”

Link to info on the Mormon Church's funding of the amendment

 November 1998 
Alaska voters passed the marriage amendment and Alaska became the first state in the union to include such language in its constitution. Sixty-eight percent of voters (nearly 153,00 people) voted in favor, while about 32 percent (about 71,600) voted against it. The Brause-Dugan case is declared moot. 

1999 
Government entities around the state refused to follow the lead of the University of Alaska and continued to deny benefits to same-sex partners of their employees. The ACLU of Alaska and nine same-sex couples sue the state and the Municipality of Anchorage. The state and city successfully defended their policies in Anchorage Superior Court, but the ACLU appealed. The case would not be resolved until 2005. 

March 2002
 Governor Tony Knowles, in his final year in office, issued Administrative Order #195. The order says Alaska’s “state workplace” should be free of “discrimination and harassment” and asserted Alaskans should have equal opportunity when seeking state services. The order talked about race and sex discrimination, but also included “sexual orientation” in its text. Despite Knowles’ order, the state continued to fight the ACLU in the lawsuit over family benefits. 

October 2005 
The Alaska Supreme Court, in a unanimous decision, ruled it unconstitutional to deny benefits to same-sex partners of public employees. The decision hinged on the equal protection language in the Alaska Constitution. Immediately afterward, ACLU attorneys told reporters this “equal protection rationale” is likely to be followed in other states where constitutional bans on gay marriage existed.

 November 2006 
After briefings from both sides in the ACLU’s employment benefits case, the Alaska Supreme Court set a deadline of January 1, 2007, for the state to begin offering family benefits to employees and retirees with same-sex partners. Conservative lawmakers had been fuming all year about a “constitutional crisis” and Governor Frank Murkowski called a special session of the Legislature. Murkowski’s administration had written the benefits plan and asked the Legislature for permission to adopt it. The lawmakers flew to Juneau and in two days did the opposite, passing a law prohibiting the administration from adopting any plan that expanded benefits to gay and lesbian state employees. Palin left intact a special election set by the Legislature during the November session. 

December 29, 2006 
Governor Sarah Palin signed her first veto, striking down the Legislature’s attempt to stop employee benefits from expanding and saying it would be unconstitutional. Palin’s administration adopted a benefits plan prepared by Murkowski with guidance from the court. 

April 3, 2007
 The special election on employee benefits had a low turnout and, at $1.2 million for an advisory vote, a high cost. About 23 percent of registered voters turned out and 53 percent voted yes to further amend the constitution in order to deny employee benefits to gay state workers. Later in the year, efforts to advance a constitutional amendment failed to make it through the Legislature. 

Summer 2009
 The Anchorage Assembly passed a gay-rights ordinance that would allow LGBT citizens to take claims of discrimination to the city’s equal rights commission. Mayor Dan Sullivan (son of the 1970s mayor) vetoed the ordinance.

Spring 2012 
Petitioners got a local gay rights initiative onto Anchorage’s April election ballot. Voters rejected the measure 57 percent to 43 percent. They also re-elected Mayor Dan Sullivan to a second term.

One of the commercials that ran on air during this time period

Spring 2013
 A bill that would allow LGBT citizens anywhere in the state to have discrimination cases heard by the Alaska Commission on Human Rights was introduced in the Legislature by then-Representative Beth Kertula, a Democrat from Juneau. The bill got committee referrals, but never got a floor vote in either the House or Senate and received only one committee hearing. The hearing was held in the House committee on State Affairs, where Republican committee chairman Bob Lynn, of Anchorage, accepted only written testimony from the public. Lynn never asked the committee to vote on the bill. 

Spring 2014 
Kertula resigned from the Legislature to take a job at Stanford University and Democrats resurrected her human rights legislation. This time, the bill got a hearing in the Senate Health and Services Committee, chaired by Sen. Bert Stedman, a Republican from Sitka. About two-dozen people testified in favor of the legislation but Stedman did not allow the committee to pass the bill along. 

April 2014
 The Alaska Supreme Court ruled that a property tax exemption for senior citizens and veterans is being unconstitutionally denied to same-sex couples. Once again, the Alaska court used the equal protection rationale to arrive at its decision.

 May 2014
 Five same-sex couples sue in U.S. District Court to overturn the 1998 marriage amendment to the Alaska Constitution. The lawsuit claims the Alaska definition of marriage violates their due process and equal protection rights under the 14^th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. 

Timeline compiled by Scott Christiansen from: Municipality of Anchorage documents; records of the Alaska Court System and Alaska Legislature; archives of Identity, Inc.; Human Rights Campaign website; and, the archives of the Anchorage Daily News, The Anchorage Times and the Anchorage Press. Special thanks to Mel Green, Drew Phoenix and Jacob Dugan-Brause.  

Matt Hamby and Chris Shelden.

I dont usually do a cut/paste post, but thought this was so well written and concise there was no way for me to improve this article.

Food Dreams

Dealing with multiple food allergies makes cooking tricky.  Very few recipes are available for me that doesnt  require some sort of change-o-matic magic.  I've noticed a common thread in reading across the many allergy food blogs:
1. most of the allergy food blogs are written by moms for their children, totally ignoring adult suffers
2. they rarely cross more than one or two allergies
3. a lot of really bad recipes are out there.

Making gluten free bread is tricky at best, leave out the incredible amazing egg, and it gets tougher.  I've made loaves of bread that were yummy while still warm, only to cut a piece the next day to find it had turned to bread shaped flavorless sawdust slices.  No, I have no idea why, only that it occurs.  I have made buns from my own recipe that were stable on the counter for days, but I cant get loaves to rise without falling.  Its an either or area for me, i'm currently stuck, buns that taste good, or high rising loaves that go to crap soon after baking.

What I'd like to do is to start up an allergy food blog, that would work with most food allergies.  With built in substitutions for different allergy suffers, so people can mix and match ingredients according to their food limitations.  In many ways, I do tend to look at things from a different angle from most, and this is true of food as well.  Is my ego getting the better of me?  Or could I make a difference in someone's pleasure at what is on their dinner plate?

So, we get down to the nitty gritty of things, where I'd really appreciate feedback.  

Do you feel I have something to contribute to allergy cooking?

If I do this what should my persona be?  Do I mention the fact im third gender gay guy?  Like Bob says, "we need visibility, not invisibility".  Or would that lessen the pool of readers due to bigotry?  Do I tie it to my current blog, or strike out under a new alias?

Finding a catchy name, that hasnt been snapped up, that brands who I'm cooking for.

And finally, I'd like some recipe testers.  Any gluten free ingredients would be mailed to you, the only things you'd need to provide are things that are considered kitchen staples.  Also any specific food item that I can't mail, but the recipe requires, but I dont think you'd buy, or use normally, I could supply funds for them.  I need to know that my recipes work out of my kitchen. 

Entirely to Close for Comfort

TH, Youngest and his wife were all down on the Kenai dip netting for red salmon (sockeye), when this occurred.  They are really, really lucky to still be alive. 

A wave hit the boat swamping the front, and before they had a chance to do anything, yet another wave hit the boat, causing the front to become so heavy as to flip the boat.  TH was pushed from the boat by the strength of the water, becoming entangled in the fishing net and was unable to move, luckily he was tangled up in such a way that his head was above the water.  Youngest was thrown into the water, the boat coming down on him across the back and wrist.  Little Wife was trapped under the boat, breathing from an air pocket until she got her bearings and figured out how to get out.  As she was getting free of the boat Youngest saw her legs and pulled her up to the edge of the boat, which was now floating upside down.  Youngest got up on the bottom of the boat, ran the length to TH and held him up while getting his knife and cutting TH free.

Poor wee Pepper was in a life vest but was trapped under the boat and didnt make it.

Three saved, dog lost as boat capsizes in Kenai River

Posted: July 17, 2014 - 9:01pm

By DAN BALMER

Peninsula Clarion

A boat capsized on the Kenai River sending three people and a dog overboard Wednesday night.
Nearby boats pulled all three people out of the water but the dog didn’t survive, said Kenai Police Lt. David Ross.
The incident occurred at about 9:46 p.m. when a wave went over the bow of the boat, causing it to flip over. Police did not release the names of the boaters, but all three were wearing life jackets, Ross said.
While all boats in the water may have contributed to the waves that caused the boat to flip, having so many boats close by made for a quick recovery, he said.
“It’s a lot easier to rescue people that are floating,” he said.
The Kenai rescue boat arrived shortly afterward and transported two people back to land while the other person received a ride from a fellow boater. The three people did not suffer any injuries. The capsized boat was recovered from the river, Ross said.

Goldilocks

 Golidlocks:

Denoting or referring to the most desirable or advantageous part of a range of values or conditions (typically the center).

My tale begins 35 years ago, when I visited the Woolworth's in downtown Fairbanks with my sister-in-law to buy various items when TH and I were first setting up housekeeping.   Towels, sheets, blankets, pots and pans, and a pillow for me.  I must have bought the very last chopped chicken feather pillow in existence.  I loved that pillow, it wasn't the least bit fluffy, and stayed in any shape I punched and folded it into.   It traveled with me, weighing a ton, but it was home in a pillow "dress" as my grandma called pillow slips/cases.

As the years past, the covering began to wear thin, so I sewed up a new one complete with a zipper.  I bought cheap pillows to cannibalize their feathers to add to the ever diminishing pillow.  How much if any of the original feathers were left after 15 years?  Who knows, but I kept patching and sewing and adding to my pillow, bereft at the very idea of a new pillow.

Until....................

Right before I left Arizona, I began to notice that which ever side of my face spent the most time on my pillow would be slightly swollen.   The idea that MY pillow was making me sick was slowly leaching into my thoughts.  I tossed it into its monthly trip in the dryer, and that night I woke up struggling to breathe, with my face swollen and beet red.  This is from a person who is allergic to both eggs and all forms of poultry.....I never claimed to be brilliant now did I? 

That was the day Pillow was tossed into the trash.  But whatever was I to sleep upon?  Allergic to feathers, so thats out.  Allergic to the synthetic pillows, scratch that.  Cotton?  Wool? Gah!!!!

Remembering my Japanese daughter-in-laws fruitless search for a non-fluffy pillow, I didnt hold out a great deal of hope.  And then! Light bulb!  I finally recollected what she ended up using, two large towels folded together, and put into a pillow case.  So thats what I tried.  It took a while to get it right, folding the towels first one way and another, folding them separately and then together, but finally got something I could sleep on.  It was about half the size of a "normal" pillow, but it worked.  Wasn't perfect by a long shot but at least it was something to sleep on.

And so began the big pillow hunt.  I finally found a wool one that had no flame retardants, no fake-y crud, just natural washed wool.   Made up of small tuffs of wool, it works like a down pillow, with out the down.

It didnt make me sick, a win for sure, but was way to fluffy and soft, ugh, and much to "tall" for my short neck.  I pulled out more and more of the guts, and it was a better height but wasnt right, still to soft.   One night after many fruitless tries to find the 'Goldilocks' spot pulling filling from the pillow, putting some back in, over and over and over........ and finally giving up and putting my towel "pillow" back on the bed it struck me like a bolt from the blue!  If either one isn't right, then maybe combining the two would be!?!  I pulled the dress off my pillow, carefully arranged the towels to be the same size as the pillow, and wrestled it into the pillow dress.  Which was not an easy task at all,  everything kept slipping around, grrrrrrrr. 

Ok, finally won the pillow content and dress battle! 
                   w00t!
 I laid down, with nearly zero hope that it would be something I could sleep on. 

Oh my!  This is what I've been searching for!  I found my Goldilocks pillow.  Not to tall, not to soft, and not to hard.  It was jussst right!

  And I have enough stuffing to make a smaller travel sized pillow, complete with towel.  Life is sweet in the Goldilocks zone.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldilocks_principle
 

When Equality Isn't Equal

 When DADT was repealed September 20, 2011 a funny thing happened on the way to free our hard working, sacrificing members of the armed forces of the onus of having to hide their sexuality.  To arrive at a place that the generals would agree to remove DADT from the code books, someone had to be left behind, the transgender members.  The last time I heard the "code" of the military is to never leave a solider behind, but DADT repeal left some members behind enemy lines for three very long years.  Hostages to the fear and hate of transgender humans.

This isnt an isolated case, sadly.  Nearly every bill that protects the  LGB community from discrimination, started life with a guarantee of the rights of the T community as well.  However a grim thing happens on the way to the floor for a vote, the language including the trans folk is stripped. Because including the transgender community means the bill won't pass.  Rather than the groups fighting for our rights sticking it out in the trenches and get into a slugging match to insure that all of our rainbow brethren are protected from bigots and religious fools, they ditch the T under the bus to make sure the LGB folk are a protected community.

Usually the memo sent out by the groups who lobby for LGBT rights, say something along the lines that the trans community HASN'T been forgotten.  We will come back for you!  Keep the faith in us.  And oh yeah, can you send more funds?

But do they ever come back for us?  Sadly, the answer is rarely ever.  2014 is half over and while there has been some talk about allowing the trans service members to be out, no true forward movement has occurred.  So, our trans service members keep hidden, needing to make the painful choice of staying in a career they adore while hiding in plain sight, or leave to be able to live open and free. 

What a fucking terrible choice.

What I think is the true sticking point is that for many in the LGB community is they don't truly understand why the trans community is included as they believe the trans isn't a sexual minority.  What totally blows me away is the hate filled language they spew.  It isn't all that different from what the conservative "christians" use against the rest of the rainbow league.

Over on Queerty, a post about a trans man being voted as Mr. Gay Philly has raised a firestorm of hate and bigotry.  While I won't celebrate the haters, a sample of the hate runs along these lines:

orcanyc I’m sorry, really am, I’m sure he’s great, but unless he has a penis, is he really Gay, because being Gay, I thought, was a man attracted to a man. I wonder if we are getting to politically correct?

From here on the posts degrade into these....

jayj150
She is not a gay man, simply because she is not a man. She is a straight woman with a fetish. And by the way, why do t3annies get to have their own contests, but gay people are forced to share theirs with t3annies?, same as with parades, news sites and activist groups?

 and this....

masc4masc

I agree 100 percent. People have gotten so extreme with political correctness that they’ve become delusional and/or intellectually dishonest. This story is a perfect example. How can she be a gay man when she has a vagina? Homosexual means same sex.

What is up with a small but extremely vocal minority of the LGB community? 

It's this transphobia and bigotry within the GLB world that is causing the more vocal of the trans folk to see hate and sniping when there really isn't.   To snarl at RuPaul's use of the "t" word, was she wrong to use that word?  Yes, of course every minority is allowed to label words as cruel and hate speech.  But then again, to different people, the label tranny has different meanings.  To the transsexuals it is hate in word form.  To drag performers it's a "fun" word to label themselves with!   Personally, I feel that drag is one of the reasons that trans ladies aren't taken seriously.  How can they be, when a fella dresses up as a parody of a women?  Straight humans watch RuPaul's show, and if they don't personally know any trans ladies how are they supposed to know that for the transsexuals they just aren't playing dress up?  Remember when "black face" wasn't thought to be racist, but funny? 

  Refusing to believe that  Dan Savage has evolved from being unenlightened about what it means to be transgender/transsexual, to being supportive and a firm ally.  Cast your mind back 10 years, do you hold all the same beliefs as you did then?  Haven't you evolved on certain issues, I know I have.  They hold onto the hurt long after the person who caused the initial hurt no longer holds those primitive views.  Being faced on all sides with hate, bigotry and an unreasonable and a nearly insatiable curiosity about their genitals, is it really surprising they are lashing out at everyone and everything?

The time has come to ensure that bills on the way to a vote aren't stripped of the language protecting the trans community.  To tell the gay lobby groups when they call for funds and ask what is the single most important problem facing LGBT people today, answer with the lack of protections for the transgender community. 

Now that our piece of the equality pie is growing by leaps and bounds, with support for equal marriage at an all time high, for believing that gays, bisexuals and lesbians all deserve to be treated equally, its time to share that with the less legally fortunate, the trans community.   No more buying into the bathroom canard, nor the straw man argument that surgery can't change DNA, so transsexuals can't be REAL women or REAL men.  The idea that if a trans lady can't "pass" as a believable woman, she is less than real, she is a man in a dress with poorly done up makeup and a bad hairdo.  Do people point at ugly women and claim they aren't REAL women, phfft of course not! 

For gays and lesbians in America we are living in a golden age.  Is it perfect?  Fuck no, but life has never been so sweet as it is today.  Are there still hate crimes, children being thrown away for being gay, or are forced into religious institutions to change their orientation?  To my deepest grief, yes.  But times are a changing, and for the better.  Now that the main reason for squabbling among the LGBT camps is lessened, the lack of protections and freedoms, its time to pull all of us up into the same level of equality.  Fight as though your freedom depends upon it, because it does.  If your brethren isn't free, just how free are you?

My Journey

In my beginning, I felt like toxic waste.  A guy living within a woman's body, with no way out.  I hated my fleshy self, and didn't want to live.

I lost the very essence of who I was, who I had been.  A blend of male and female had been who I was my entire life, but it wasnt until I "woke" up to what I had been submarineing for years, that I felt lost in the universe.

Running in circles, trying to decide what to do, lost between two unchangeable dead end paths.

 And so I began to drink to excess, shades of high school daze.....

In trying to drag myself back into some realm of life without falling further into the bottle, or to succumbing to  the lure of just ending it all.  My lifelines were blogging,

knitting,

reading,

and playing with my hipstamatic app.

Learning to live with the ebb and flow of the daily pull of my two dichotomy genders, one inner and one outer, hasn't been easy, and there are times when I just want it to STOP!

By refusing to transition I became an anomaly within the trans world, a transsexual who doesn't do hormones, doesn't dress my inner gender, and has no plans for surgery.  I was lost without a safe harbor.

Thrashing about for some identity is when I came across Third Gender, and life became ever so much calmer, and every day wasn't such a struggle.  I found a bridge

leading me from maelstrom to inner peace.

TH and I have found some middle ground.  It's still not perfect by any means but at least we are looking the same way unlike before. 

Before I left Arizona for Alaska this summer I took a straight friend to my LGBTQI meetup.  She was the first person I told about being male, and she was the first one I invited into my world.  It felt wonderful!

Looking back on these past few years,

one of the main things that kept me breathing, was blogging, and my wonderful friends within the blogworld. 

At this time, I feel as though I have said everything worth saying about my life and who I am, and the forging of a new path into my personal world of living a third gender life.  Like many before me, I came to Blogger a broken and bleeding soul, and found my place within the inner world of the self and the outer world of the internet. 

Words can not fully express what the blogging world has meant to me, and many many people who were there at my first tentative steps into the warm friendly waters of blogging love are no longer in blog land, but still to one and all a loud and mighty,

                                                               THANK YOU!!!

Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

Hidden in plain sight

I've been to Arizona Pride twice, and both times have felt oddly uncomfortable, and have been squirreling about to figure out why ever since.  The first time was with a local blogger and we kept being mistaken for a straight couple.  This time I went with a good friend of mine who is lesbian, and again the uncomfortable feelings were present.  So, it wasnt the company I was with, its something within me, keeping me from fully enjoying it.

There are times when the meetup group has a number of new people, who see a female shape, and assume I'm a lesbian.  Several of the people that I've informed that I'm a gay third gender guy ( or trans-man) very often say, "Hey, I'm not into labels!"  Which to me is a backhanded slap.  How would they feel if I disrespected their sexual orientation in the same manner?

Many people scoff at bisexual invisibility, but I totally get it as I to feel invisible quite often when in LGBTQ spaces.  Stepping outside the trans-man accepted role of how to look and act makes me even more invisible and unbelieved. 

Humans have a built in template of male and female coded into each society as to acceptable behavior and looks.  Step to far out of that box and it makes others very uncomfortable, as several recent studies have shown.  Which could explain some of the hate the extremely femme gay guys receive, they look male, but act feminine, a dichotomy that is often to much for those who are fairly inflexible in their thinking.  The violence against certain members of our LBGTQ family is incited by the herd mentality of different is dangerous.  And while LGBTQ on LGBTQ is fairly rare, we do trend to fall into groups by skin color and orientation.

There is no way for me to project a trans-man exterior.  Dressing butchy makes me look like a butchy lesbian.  Dressing as I usually do, lesbian or straight depending upon the company I'm with.  Short of wearing a shirt proclaiming who I am, I see no way of projecting my inner self. 

Why is this so important to me to be seen for who I actually am?  Not a clue, all I know it wears on me to be invisible in GLBTQ spaces.

Been thinking about returning to the transgender conference, and not being ashamed of not conforming to the accepted way trans-men are supposed to dress or act.  Wearing a third gender shirt and not trying to act any differently than usual.  For once in my life walk proud, not slinking around corners, not being ashamed of who I am and projecting an apologetic air for not fitting into gender norms.  Part of the issue with this conference is the average age of the people who attend, 40+ so they are still operating with the olde manual where the holy grail is to "pass".  Not to live for personal happiness, but to adhere to others ideals of what it means to be trans on either side of the gender divide.

 Found this article today, and from the looks of it, the younger set has a better grasp of how to live happily as trans, third gender, etc, etc, etc. 

After reading this, article I'm giving more thought to why the fuck should it matter as to who others think/believe me to be? 

A little kitchen chemistry

I've tried nearly every vegan "cheese" available, and they are all horrible.  I did find a shredded rice cheeze that tasted really good!  Yum!  And then the grinding unhappiness from the internal combustion chamber, turns out, it had milk casein in it.  Why anyone would go to the effort to make nearly vegan cheeze but yet add a milk product to it totally escapes me.  There is one that is super tasty and totally safe and in some miraculous fashion tastes nearly the same as Parmesan even though its made with cashews, yeah I dont understand that either, screwy yeah?

Now my desire for edible pizza has been growing the longer I've been marooned on the gluten free, milk free, etc diet.  Most of the gluten free crusts, are just sad.  For the most part they are hard and tasteless.  If a restaurant offers vegan cheeze its always Daiya brand, and while it is the best thats out there I have several issues with it.  One, it has a weird nasty after flavor.  And two I have this issue with eating food with little to no nutrient content, only calories, and somehow this cheeze has little to offer in food value.

While wandering around Amazon a while ago, I came across several books on making vegan cheeze, and bought the one that had the best ratings and hoped for the best.  The first recipe out of the book was a total snooze fest, cheeze sauce.  While I hate to toot my own horn, the one I invented was light years better than the one in the book.  However, I decided to press on and try a cheeze from the book, and the simplest one was mozzarella.  I gathered up the required ingredients, one of which had to be ordered, kappa carrageenan.  "A natural hydrocolloid, carrageenan is a natural extract from specific red seaweed species that are farmed and processed. It is used as a suspending and emulsifying stablizer, thickener, binder and gelling agent."   And was ready to give this a whirl.

It was a bit tiring stirring for nearly 30 minutes of a mixture that became ever more dense and harder to stir, but at long last, it was done.  The cheeze needs to sit in the fridge around 24 hours after making before tasting, the wait was killer long!

Finally!  It was cheeze tasting time. 

                                        HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESE!  

Its mega delicious!  

I tried it out on a friend and after her first tenetive taste, asked for more!  This cheeze is OMG good. Whipping out a gluten free french bread recipe, I conjured up a batch of dough to make pizza.    This would also be my first adventure in GF pizza dough.  It was hard to not keeping cracking open the oven door, I just had to know how things were progressing.  Was the dough looking pizza-ish?  How about the cheeze, was it melting?  Finally after about 9 million hours it was done! 

                                      PIZZA!

Chewy dough, melty globby cheeze, this my friends was a pizza to enjoy.  So much so that two days later I made another one!

I finally hit the pizza wall, and froze the last 4 pieces. 

Last night I melted some of the cheeze into milk with a little vegan butter and some nutritional yeast (to give it a stronger cheese flavor) and made, mac and cheeze!  Yummy!  Soft and gooey, perfect mac and cheese, so good I reheated it and had it for breakfast. 

Next up, I'm going to give the cheddar cheeze recipe a whirl.....  Nachos here I come!

That didn't go as expected...

I came out a guy at work today.  Younger, ever so not religious and his response? 

"Well, what ever floats your boat."

Needless to say I feel hurt and sorta kinda violated, and now don't know how to deal with him.

Really?

Last Friday a friend and her friend and I met for lunch.   Now you have to know that my friend....Polly is a funny lady, one is never bored when she's around, add in the fact that Polly knows zillions of folks, and one of those she knows came along for lunch.  I was remiss and didnt do a preview of their menu online, and went into this place cold, stupid me.  I requested a gluten free menu and began to study the offerings. 

Hmm, chicken, ok no.......  Pasta, umm no tis all dairy based, shoot.  Salad!  Umm, not that either.  I refuse to pay 15$ for a salad that after I get done leaving off all the items I can't eat, is nothing more than a sad pile of lettuce and a few stray veggies.  Ok, they have burgers....and gluten free buns.  Hmm, ok I shall check out to see if egg makes me sick.   Yum!  What a nifty great tasting burger!  Nummy!

Holy Fuck Nuts!  Within about 20 minutes I was itching, itching, itching!!!  Ok, ok calm down, thats the egg, no worries.  Then the world started to go all smeary and drunk.   I took a antihistamine, and thought that would solve things.  Umm, that would be a big negatory.  By then my tummy was protesting, and it was giving warning signs of flipping the switch from input to vomit.  I made it thru doing the pull/holds at "work", but left them the job of running the reports and getting them in their boxes.

I went home, and luckily never did flip the switch to vomit, whew!  By Monday I was beginning to feel mostly human again, but still weak and shaky.  By now all the dishes were dirtied and I didnt feel well enough to hand wash em.  So I jammed the dish washer full, poured in the soap and started her up and went to bed. 

Next morning, feeling better!  w00t!  Ate some breakfast, then some lunch, and life got really bad again in the stomach department.  I thought a bowl of simple broth would help me, and pulled open the dishwasher all the way and laying on top of all the dishes was a layer of dishsoap... sigh.  So, that's what was killing my tummy, the poor thing was soaped! 

Today beginning to feel human again!! 

Just in time for Friday.  What's happening Friday you ask?  Something I've been putting off for over a year, and now due to losing around 30 lbs...I cant avoid it any longer.  The worst thing ever for a third gender guy to buy                                                 a bra

Hey, I need some info please

As you have noticed my blogger account has been hacked numerous times lately.  I keep changing my google password, and all of my other email accounts passwords, and it keeps happening.  Anyone have any idea at all what to do about it? 

Surfacing

It's been awhile again, and really didnt have enough ideas or time to expand-o any one idea into a full post. 

Here in no organized way are the thoughts that keep swimming to the surface, again and again....

The Dallas Buyers Club
     After watching the movie, I searched the web for more information about Ron Woodroof, only to discover that he was a homophobic guy.  The character of Rayon was nothing more than a flickering light on the screen.  Ok, so Hollywood takes liberties with stories, we all know that.  In fact they quite often take perfectly wonderful tales with a ginormous following and alter the story so that very little remains of the original tale.  What upsets me so about this movie is the fact that while many straight people did die during this time period of AIDS, the vast majority of humans reaped in the 80's by AIDS were gay men and trans ladies who were in the sex trade.   Was this man's story choosen to make the subject more palpable for middle America to show that not only gay men caught this horrific disease?  Or is this yet again another white washing of GLBT history? 

There was a hue and cry about hiring a fella to play the part of Rayon, a hand wringing of epic proportions ( at least in the transworld ).  To be quite honest, I'm rather torn on this subject.  Yes, it would have been terrific to see a trans lady actress play a trans lady on screen!  She would get how Rayon felt, however....  Rayon hadn't transitioned, nor started taking hormones, and was extremely ill with AIDS and ravaged by her drug abuse.  The only way the part of Rayon could be believable was to have been played by a tooth pick thin fella, without breasts, without any extra ounces on his skeleton.  Yes, breasts can be bound down, but its never going to have the same look as a bony rib cage, there will be a thickness that wouldnt ring true to the knocking on deaths door.


TH
   Two Wednesday's ago we went to his 2 week check up and the doctor was extremely pleased with how quickly TH had healed.  Now that all of his numbness and heaviness and pain is gone gone gone, we realized just how long he has been suffering the effects of constricted nerves.  He flew home on Friday and returns to work on next week.

One thing that we both realized is that these past six months is we have so much fun together!  And even tho we celebrated our 36th anniversary, we still enjoy each others company, are fairly compatible on most things, and laugh like silly bunnies over the smallest things.  So after he left, the apartment felt much to large, and sadness came to visit, along with more soul searching along the themes of;  how long should he work, should I pack up when my lease is done and move home?  For a few days we mulled the idea of me moving home full time again, and finally TH did something he rarely does, he made a decision for both of us.  I won't be moving to Alaska full time, but maintaining the current status quo of splitting my time between both homes.  Which truthfully was a relief, the specter of being marooned in the cold and dark again for months and months wasn't something I was sure I could handle again.

Arizona's Olde People
     I'm rather confused by the actions with many of the older people here.  TH and I went to Arizona Sonora Desert Museum, if you're ever in Arizona its a must see.  All of the plants edging the walkways are labeled, but for the most part its pristine desert, with only a small portion accessible by the public where all the displays are located.  While we were walking along, I stopped to take a photo of a flowers and several times TH over heard oldies complaining, "I don't know why they allow children in!"  Now these were NOT screaming kids, nor the running loose causing mischief and mayhem sort.  Yes, most all children do have issues with volume control, but the three times we visited this museum, we never ever saw a child who was misbehaving. 

The oldies have motor home parks and entire communities where you must be over 55 to reside within.  Several of these communities have petitioned their local government to be allowed to opt out of paying school tax.  Their argument is they don't have any children attending local schools why should they support them?

The very things they accuse children of being, loud, rude and having no manners, they themselves are quite often guilty of.  I've seen them cut in front of people waiting in line at the movie theater, demand the tech person at the library to check their materials out, rather than asking.  I just don't get it.

And now for reading this drivel here are some pictures taken by TH himself.

A "shoot out" at Oatman Az.   Its a tiny touristy sorta place, but we really enjoyed it.  And these fellas really made this shoot out fun!  They perform this for charity to raise money for crippled children.

At the Sonora Desert. Their raptor show is the best we've ever seen.  As you can tell its out in the desert and birds are allowed to do as they wish.  One of the birds gets put out sometimes and goes and sits on a rock and waits for the handlers to come and get her!  A few times the birds have gotten very territoral when wild birds have flown by, and they chase them away.  Only to realize they dont know how to get home and so they just sit and wait for the handlers to come and get them!  The owl was rescued as a chick from a nest his parents built at Home Depot.

Yes, that me at the London Bridge in Lake Havasu.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog

TH came thru the surgery with flying colors.  He is home today and starting yet another slow recovery period of him driving me insane.....

A Bad Month

About a month ago, I began to feel exhausted, no matter how much sleep I managed to get each night.  Even after 7 hours of sleep each night, sleep of the dead I might add, in order to get thru each day required the application of 2 naps.  My chest felt heavy and all my joints hurt, and an ear ache kept coming and going.

I came home one night from Table Talk ( helping new Americans with their conversational English ) with a feeling of being slightly tipsy, the world was smeary and vague.  TH took me to the emergency room, turns out I had two infected teeth.


These two dental offenders were scheduled for removal anyway, they just went septic before my appointment came around.

Antibiotics were applied along with an anti-nausea med.  This was the first antibiotic I've manage to sorta tolerate for around 20 years.  But as the week wore on my body slowly lost the battle against the reaction, and more and more benadryl was required to allow me to swallow.

Last week the two non-compliant teeth were fired from their positions.

 Dr. Dentist man gave me more antibiotics, sigh.  This time only 2 days passed before the war within escalated to the point where I ran up the white flag and called a truce.  Hopefully, this was enough to kill the last vestiges of infection. 

During all this fun and games with pharmaceuticals TH had several different appointments with doctors and a surgeon.  He is scheduled for more surgery on Tuesday.  Hopefully this will fix the last of his pain and numbness.

Tales from the Stove

Chocolate chip cookies.....

is there a better cookie known to human kind?  If there is I sure don't know it.  Warm from the oven, melty chips, soft yet slightly chewy cookie, maybe with a scattering of nuts....ahhhhhhh.

After reading a zillion links looking for the perfect gluten free, egg free chocolate chip cookie recipe, that didnt have oatmeal or buckwheat both of which my body has declared as enemy soldiers, or coconut or almond flour.  I already have an entire shelf of stuff needed for gluten free cooking, at this point I'm refusing to buy yet another flour.  Last year anything coconut was the superstar, this year it seems to be almond, whatevers.

So, I settled on a recipe, TH sat at the table and read the recipe off to me as I measured and stirred and blended.  Like a silly trusting heart, I loaded my cookie sheet up with a batch of the cookie dough and set the timer and wandered away.  About 2/3 of the time until done, I went into the oven to get a glass of water, and heard an odd "frying" sound coming from the oven.....  Greatly worried, I ripped the oven open to be greeted with this sight.

They had spread and had turned to brown sugar lace around the chewy centers.  Not a bad cookie, just not a chocolate chip cookie of dreams.  Not knowing what else to do, I added more "flour" to the mixture in the bowl.  These did indeed look like a more traditional cookie, but were TERRIBLE!  I refused to eat any of those.

A week went by and I decided to give cookie making a second chance and tried peanut butter cookies.  Holy Cow!  These were terrific!  Peanut buttery, chewy, perfect cookies!

Strange fact about these cookies, is the egg was replaced with unsweetened applesauce.  Yeah, who knew applesauce could make such fabulous cookies!  I'm going to try the applesauce trick with my next batch of chocolate chip cookies. 


I've had the same crashes and burns with gluten free bread.  It all seems to be so hit and miss.  After several major failures, Ive given up trying to modify gluten free breads that are written with verboten ingredients, particularly the incredible edible egg.

This bread looked perfect and smelled heavenly.  The moment the pan was removed from the oven it sank and when I ripped it apart to see what the malfunction was it was gooey and weird inside.  I ripped off a tiny piece of the crust and it tasted great, sigh.

I finally found a few great recipes for vegan gluten free types and made some burger buns.  Holy Edible Bread Batman!

See how puffy and light these are!

Sliced open they are soft and yummy!  These make great sandwiches but even better is that they make perfect.......

                                Toast! 

 Yeah, these sliced into thirds and toasted turn out perfectly crunchy warm and tender insides toast.  Something I haven't enjoyed since last January.  An entire year without perfect toast.  And as someone who ranks toast in their top 5 favorite foods, that has been tough indeed.

Next up is yet another run at trying a loaf of bread.  I've got a few recipes, with my adjustment replacing the xantham gum which my tummy complains mightily about, with psyllium husk.  Yeah, the stuff of many laxative brands.  To understand the why, heres the best video I've found explaining its cooking magic.

Butterfly Wonderment

I went to a butterfly "zoo" with several friends two weekends ago.  This was the most amazing thing EVER!  There were butterflys everywhere, they flitter about, often landing on people, hitching rides on us very warm humans.  They keep the room around 80-ish and its very humid.  Even cold all the time me, was happily warm and after a while trending towards hot.

There is a display case showing the cocoons, where the conditions are perfect for them to hatch, but neglected to snap a photo of that.  Hopefully this next weekend, TH and I will take a trip and  I'll snap a photo of that.  They also had a bee area, which was actually cool, as the bees had a "tunnel" to the outside where they gather nectar and then return to their hive within the "zoo".  Also on had were ants and scorpions and shudder spiders!  Needless to say I gave these last three insects a very wide berth.  They also had a fairly large aquarium which didn't seem to mesh with the insect kingdom thingy, but twas major coolness.

The blue one landed on my back, and my friend's hair and sleeve.  I have no idea what each one is named, I had their brochure which lists them, but alas lost it most likely the last time the clutter patrol was on duty I filed it into the trash. 

Salutations!