I lost the very essence of who I was, who I had been. A blend of male and female had been who I was my entire life, but it wasnt until I "woke" up to what I had been submarineing for years, that I felt lost in the universe.
Running in circles, trying to decide what to do, lost between two unchangeable dead end paths.
And so I began to drink to excess, shades of high school daze.....
In trying to drag myself back into some realm of life without falling further into the bottle, or to succumbing to the lure of just ending it all. My lifelines were blogging,
and playing with my hipstamatic app.
Learning to live with the ebb and flow of the daily pull of my two dichotomy genders, one inner and one outer, hasn't been easy, and there are times when I just want it to STOP!
By refusing to transition I became an anomaly within the trans world, a transsexual who doesn't do hormones, doesn't dress my inner gender, and has no plans for surgery. I was lost without a safe harbor.
Thrashing about for some identity is when I came across Third Gender, and life became ever so much calmer, and every day wasn't such a struggle. I found a bridge
leading me from maelstrom to inner peace.
TH and I have found some middle ground. It's still not perfect by any means but at least we are looking the same way unlike before.
Before I left Arizona for Alaska this summer I took a straight friend to my LGBTQI meetup. She was the first person I told about being male, and she was the first one I invited into my world. It felt wonderful!
Looking back on these past few years,
one of the main things that kept me breathing, was blogging, and my wonderful friends within the blogworld.
At this time, I feel as though I have said everything worth saying about my life and who I am, and the forging of a new path into my personal world of living a third gender life. Like many before me, I came to Blogger a broken and bleeding soul, and found my place within the inner world of the self and the outer world of the internet.
Words can not fully express what the blogging world has meant to me, and many many people who were there at my first tentative steps into the warm friendly waters of blogging love are no longer in blog land, but still to one and all a loud and mighty,
Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!