Thursday, June 5, 2014

My Journey

In my beginning, I felt like toxic waste.  A guy living within a woman's body, with no way out.  I hated my fleshy self, and didn't want to live.

I lost the very essence of who I was, who I had been.  A blend of male and female had been who I was my entire life, but it wasnt until I "woke" up to what I had been submarineing for years, that I felt lost in the universe.

Running in circles, trying to decide what to do, lost between two unchangeable dead end paths.

 And so I began to drink to excess, shades of high school daze.....

In trying to drag myself back into some realm of life without falling further into the bottle, or to succumbing to  the lure of just ending it all.  My lifelines were blogging,



and playing with my hipstamatic app.

Learning to live with the ebb and flow of the daily pull of my two dichotomy genders, one inner and one outer, hasn't been easy, and there are times when I just want it to STOP!

By refusing to transition I became an anomaly within the trans world, a transsexual who doesn't do hormones, doesn't dress my inner gender, and has no plans for surgery.  I was lost without a safe harbor.

Thrashing about for some identity is when I came across Third Gender, and life became ever so much calmer, and every day wasn't such a struggle.  I found a bridge

leading me from maelstrom to inner peace.

TH and I have found some middle ground.  It's still not perfect by any means but at least we are looking the same way unlike before. 

Before I left Arizona for Alaska this summer I took a straight friend to my LGBTQI meetup.  She was the first person I told about being male, and she was the first one I invited into my world.  It felt wonderful!

Looking back on these past few years,

one of the main things that kept me breathing, was blogging, and my wonderful friends within the blogworld. 

At this time, I feel as though I have said everything worth saying about my life and who I am, and the forging of a new path into my personal world of living a third gender life.  Like many before me, I came to Blogger a broken and bleeding soul, and found my place within the inner world of the self and the outer world of the internet. 

Words can not fully express what the blogging world has meant to me, and many many people who were there at my first tentative steps into the warm friendly waters of blogging love are no longer in blog land, but still to one and all a loud and mighty,

                                                               THANK YOU!!!

Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!


  1. You're welcome and good evening! I'm glad I ran into you on Blogger and enjoy our chats. I also need to thank you for lending me your ear whenever I've run into my own set of problems.

  2. I think we all have to find our own path toward happiness and cannot use the path others have set if it doesn't fell right.

    Just because folks say this is how I did it, doesn't mean everyone should follow suit.

    I've always appreciated your blog, for the pictures, the different food choices, the glimpse into Alaska, but mostly because I think you've told great tales of what your struggle is like, and how you manage it, and what works for you and what doesn't, and I imagine there is someone out there reading you and thinking they feel just the same.

    So ... thank you!

  3. I'm am so glad to see you in such a good place. You've come a long way, my friend.

    You have contributed so much to my understanding of what being transgendered is all about, and I cannot thank you for sharing in such an open and uninhibited way. Working with LGBTQ kids is made so much easier because you educated me so much. THANK YOU!!!

    You know where to find me so we can stay in touch!

    Peace <3

  4. how beautifully put! I am so glad that I stumbled onto your blog, you have greatly expanded my understanding of what it is to be transgenderdered. Not only that but you have provided me so much great advice and support on my own blog.

  5. Third Gender is a relatively new concept to me, but it seems quite appropriate for folks like you who do not feel comfortable being completely male or completely female. I don't believe there is just 1 or 2 ways to live. We all must travel our own journey to live authentically. Good luck to you!