Monday, July 11, 2011

Links of Love by T

Hi y'all.

I dont know if any of you read Links of Love but if you don't, you should.  T is a wonderful person, whose outlook on life is filtered through the lens of love, acceptance and understanding.  After my post yesterday, T wrote a post for me on Links of Love.  T shone a light on my journey and how it is seen by others in a way I've never thought of before.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Life Should Fit to a T

One of the few things in life we all struggle with is finding who we are and then accepting ourselves. Its not always easy or glorious. It is what it is, a journey of many roads and destinations. One surety along the way is our life needs to fit us to a T, as the old saying goes. For those who are Trans, even more so.

I can't say I understand everything that it means to be Trans but I know it has to be a constant struggle. Being stuck in a body that does not match your sexual identity can be depressing and frustrating. Even more so to those around you who care.

As one begins to be more confident in themselves and sure in who they are it can cause those around us to question themselves. This is probably more so true for the Trans community. I can see a parent, a child, a spouse questioning not only their relationship but themselves. Its not an easy thing to deal with for anyone.

Just as a Trans person struggles to find their identity the ones around them struggle to find theirs. A mother might question how she raised her child. A child might question their relationship, since they see a new person emerging. A spouse may question their own sexuality or relationship.

The reasons may be countless but the struggle is the same. A great upheaval or change is occurring in peoples lives. When you change yourself in life you change how you deal with those around you. You may not realize it but you do. Others see it even if you don't. Maybe not always consciously but they feel it.

When we make changes in life we have to remember those around us. The bigger the change in us the bigger the change in those around us. It may take time for its ripple to impact but it will hit and it will ripple back. Hopefully those in our lives can absorb change and the ripple is love and accepting.

Regardless of outcome our journey does include those around us. So if one of us falters or questions along the way maybe we should stop and take the time to reassure or help them as best we can. If people matter to us then our struggle is their struggle and that is our relationship.

I don't want to say this is a magic answer for things but it is an important step if we want to try and keep special people in our lives. It may not work and the issues may be ultimately to large or personal for someone to accept. Not everyone is strong enough to accept core change in themselves or those around them. But we should know if we change who we are, we change our relationship with those around us.

We may be the same person to ourselves but simply expressing it more outward. The problem is our view of change and that of those around us is usually far different. What may be simple or logical to one may be unfathomable to another.

I wish I had a magic answer but there isn't one. People are people and they have to adjust. Some will bounce back freely and others will never absorb the hit of change. That is true of any relationship in life. But I do believe if we truly try and extend patience and love to those who matter to us we can at least maintain a level of connection if not make it stronger.

With all that I have said one must be ones self. Our journey in life may need camp sites to allow those around us to rest but it it should not stop the journey. Because life should fit you to a T.

Love is Never Wrong


  1. Wow, powerful. Touching. Amazing insight. I learned a lot from this.

    Peace <3

  2. Beautifully expressed.

    I recognise so much from gay struggles with identity which can lead to kids being sent to 'christian reformative camps' and even suicide as people struggle to accept that they (or others) don't seem to be quite like they thought they would/should be.

    I'd venture to suggest that racial struggles come pretty close to the same problems in some places on earth at some time or another.

    And I know that the historic 'male society' has oppressed many women beyond our usual understanding of these things - and that's still going on in many countries of the world - and in the catholic church of course.

    But being trans is doubly difficult because although the themes of gender and gender orientation are well enough known to many of us there is still the question for all trans people as to where their sexual orientation lies. This is, of course, one of the biggest areas of uncertainty and upset for those who are close to trans people.

    "Will s/he still love me after the change?"

    But actually, you know, I've never yet met a trans person who didn't answer 'yes' to this question.

    The Big One is maybe much more whether we will still love a post-op person who seeks to make love to us in a different way because their physical gender as at last caught up with their psyche.

    Who said life was easy?

  3. A good and poignant post. It's not a difficult journey but certainly one that has to be undertaken, at some point.