Thursday, August 12, 2010

Cement shoes

I'm just about used up.  Nothing left.  Empty.

T.H. is being a total ass.  If he whines one more fucking time about how hard this is for him, I swear to god I'll walk away for good.  All I hear from him is, "Boo hoo!  You're going to leave me!  I'm so upset and depressed."

Like what the fuck does he think I am?  Giddy with delight?  Overflowing with happiness?  I've gotten to the point where I can't hardly leave the house for fear of breaking down in public.  And when I do have to go out, I'm frozen afraid that any emotion will cause me to crack open and tears to pour out of me.

All during all of this, I'm still playing the part of Happy Homemaker.  Making his lunches, cooking his suppers, laundry, dishes, bills, etc........  One day when it was just all to much and he had to go and pick up stuff for both his supper and lunch (he works nights so much carry a lunch) he acted all put upon.

    I wanted to do 5 on the fifth.  The theme was "on the road"  and my mind filled in "to destruction".  And planned pics of a handgun, beer, a syringe, a rope, and a bridge.........My thoughts are getting darker, as I sink ever deeper into depression.


  1. Hey Biki I'm sorry things are so tough on you and your husband.

    No matter what I'm still your friend
    take care

  2. biki! hope to chat soon again okie? in the meanwhile, be strong! do not what you think is right, but feel. take care and more gazeboys talk soon, HUGS.

  3. Hoping you know , which I know you do this is only temp... and not a permanent situation. You are just finding your place. Yes we know things gotta change! I wish you could just get away from T.H. for a couple of days ... ( damn sure not alone either) ! So what if he feels put out upon!!!! Hoping you get a break .... wishing I had more to give you... other than ... you damn well know I don't like the dark .... and it doesn't suit you either! .... So before it sucks you in please reach out .. change what you got to but remember to get your rest nothing good happens overnight!

  4. no box could hold you .. and your not a ketchup bottle .... so you just got out of the cage... and your freaking out .... you know my number !

  5. I am sorry to hear things have been so tough for you.

  6. :-( I'm so sorry to hear. I have to be quick here though, hopefully we can chat later!!