I'm sick and tired of winter. The snow is no longer pretty, and it will be unwelcome guest until around the beginning of May. Yeah, you read that right, May.......sigh. The temps will rise though up enough for me to be out of the house, by April. But from here? That is a hell of a long way away.....
I want to runaway and open up my mind......................
To be very truthful here I have been battling depression the last few weeks. Being cooped up in the house is really starting to get to me. And to make matters worse, the condo that we live in has a two story ceiling in part of it, so no matter how high up you crank the heater, it's cold downstairs. So, I am living primarily in our bedroom. So, not only am I a prisoner of our home, which is bad enough on it's own, I am stuck in an even smaller place. If the weather is kinda warm, I do layer up and go down and cover up and watch some tv and visit with the family. But on the whole? It's just me up here alone, and I am well tired of it.
The next few days are supposed to be warm, and I intend to make the most of those days! Will be out of the house as much as possible! Tomorrow of course is the super bowl, Go Saints!! So, no going any where tomorrow!! But come Monday?? All bets are off as to being one minute longer in the house than I have to be! What will I do?? I don't have a clue to be honest! All I do know is the truth to this equation:
biki+out of the house = happy!
So, all I can really do, is to live for the minutes where I can be out of the house. Storing up each and every minute of sunshine, blue sky that I am not seeing it through the glass of my bedroom window.
Hey, there is nothing to worry about, I am ok, just very sad. Am fighting the good fight against the dragon of depression, but am well tired of it. What happens if i loose my battle? You just won't see me around much, until I can climb up out of my grave of grief. It has been many years since that battle was won by the dragon, so no worries, ok?
monotony, solitary confinement, lack of sensory stimulation - it's pretty crippling for those of us who have less than a quota of imagination and escapism inside us.
ReplyDeleteBut even my childhood-learned ability to switch off and daydream (to escape loneliness and worse) is a skill I'm very glad I have.
Even so I don't think snow for all that time or just sand in a desert or unchanging savannah lands would be places I could easily cope with either.
That ability to be elsewhere is probably the most important thing I've kept from childhood. What started as a defense mechanism is now the thing that inspires my music rather than getting me into trouble for 'woolgathering'
ReplyDeleteHaving said that I need my real landscape to change, I can't abide the sameness of being trapped in one view for too long so I can understand your feelings.
Love
Mac
The good news is that you understand it, and know that it's a temporary thing. There are people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder who seriously think winter will actually never end!
ReplyDeleteBut I know what you mean. we rarely get snow--and if we do it's an inch and gone in a day--but I'm over the cold weather!
Biki as I just talked to you about this last night I really do not have much more to say. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for lots of sunshine and warm days for you and that I did read your post!
ReplyDeleteLots of love and a super warm hug!
Ryan
PS: Secret word is scoses! lol