Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Coming Out Questions

Between the volunteer work at the library and the beer/book club, I am slowly but surely gathering friends.  I find myself at a cross roads of a sort.

 Do I continue to live a life in the closet, or do I crack that door open out here in the real world?

What about at "work" in the library?

When should I come out to my friends?

I have already slipped several times and referred to myself using male pronouns, used King of the World rather than Queen.  The longer I'm away from the multi connection town in Alaska, the freer/looser my tongue becomes.

I would like to stop hiding, but am needing some help/advice with this please.


  1. I'd like to be able to say there's A Right Time, but the right time is when you're ready to do it.
    When I was ready, maybe others weren't and when others were ready, maybe I couldn't.
    Coming out is deeply, deeply personal and can, and should, only be done when the person coming out is ready to do so.
    That said, it's amazingly freeing to come out and be out and live out.
    I highly recommend it.

  2. Only you can say when it's the right time. And from my experience, it's okay to pull back if you tread your foot too deep in the waters. Do it at your own pace.

    Also keep in mind your circumstances. Are you willing to lose friends and family? And which ones would stick around and support you?

    There are a lot of people out there who think "Who cares what people think?" but coming out gay is one thing. Coming out trans is entirely different and bigots may NOT have the same responses to both situations.

  3. And coming out as gay and trans is even more confusing to most people.

    I guess I can be pragmatic (read: perhaps play the Devil's Advocate), you know me pretty well. My question is, does it really matter? Is it important for others to really know your orientation and attractions? What is gained by that? You're not in the market to date, others don't talk about their desires in bed (I assumer), and you seem very happy around these people.

    I admit that with only a couple of slips of my own, I've been very careful as to whom I've come out to. Some very close friends. One family member.

    I think you have to feel out the situation. What, if anything, do these people say about the LGBTQ community? Do they discuss gay marriage? I admit it's easy to come out to a friend whose father came out when he was 17, and a friend I've know since he was 14 and spending about as much time at my house as his own, so he does not subscribe to the "gay=guilty" mindset of so many of the bigots.

    All that being said, it is also so very nice to be out and able to just be you. If your head swivels at a good looking guy, no one cares. All that.

    It's a conundrum. And there are no easy answers.

    Peace <3