I finally seem to have myself back to what passes for normal. Now that I know that this will be the carapace that will be my home for the rest of my life, and there is no possible way of becoming a man with a male body, I feel much less trapped and unhappy. My joy is slowly returning, and my smiles now are in my eyes, so life is getting good again. I still have sad times, and down moments, and clothes are still my major malfunction, but am working on that as well.
I want to come out to my sons. They are all adults, and we are a very close family. They saw my struggle this summer, and have spoken to TH (the husband) about it, so they know something is up. Because TH and I are such a tight couple the only thing they could think of that would cause both of us to be this upset is that we were having martial issues. They thought we were working towards a divorce.
My therapist said no need to tell them since I'm not going to transition. Several friends said to tell them, they feel that the boys need to understand what I have been struggling with for the past 8 months. TH is against it because he is worried they wont love me any longer. But I'm tired of hiding me, and I would like to be freer around my kids with my true self. I want to be loved for who I am......all of me, not just the pretty bits and pieces that I deem worthy to show them. TH and our boys are the most important people in the world to me. I would do anything for them, and have made a huge sacrifice to keep our family intact, and worry that coming out to them would leave my family in ruins, and my sacrifice for naught.
What do you think? Should I come out to them? Do you think being transgender will cause them to turn away from me? And if I do come out to them, will they realize my sexual orientation, or should I just be upfront with that as well? Or will they be like the few people that I have told in real life, and after thinking about it, will realize the truth that was before their eyes but they didn't see it for the window dressing?
I want to take the next step, what do you think?