Sunday, October 31, 2010


How many times are we asked to describe ourselves, on job applications, college forms, etc?  And why is it always so hard to do? Why do we struggle so to put words to something as highly personal as our very own self?  Ok, how about we try it now, yeah?

Ready?!  Alright, let's go!

Use only one word to describe you.

 Let me guess, you picked some version of male. Isn't that interesting that we are so tied to our sex?  Something that for the vast majority of us is easily distinguished by looking at us.   But why is it that we all feel that our sex is THE most important thing about us?  Why do we identify so strongly as either female or male?  I don't have a clue, do you?

Moving on, let's add one more word to our description. If you're an adult i would guess that your job is what you have chosen to add.  If your still in school then the range becomes wider but still describes what we are doing, rather than WHO we are. Is what we do, who we are?  Is being a student, a programmer, etc that tied to who we are inside, or are we describing ourselves for others and not us?

How far down the list if we keep at this is our age, weight, or other physical characteristics?  Still for the most part we are using external cues to describe ourselves.

What does this say about our society and it's views on summing us up for public consumption?  Is that why it's so vitally important for others when they discover our sexual orientation?  Could it be because supposedly we are out of where "normal" lies, and some of the interest in us is nothing more than the juvenile need to group everyone into "alike" groups, and when we are no longer in the "correct" group it throws off their world view?  Considering how adaptable and intelligent humans are, why is different such a fear ladened word?  Which makes me wonder if this fear of  the different, the unusual, hardwired in?  If that is true then at some distant point in our past fearing the different instead of being drawn to it must have served some kind of self preservation function. However, we can be taught to accept, embrace and perhaps even love the different among us, and that to me is the true definition of evolve.

So if we can't use external words, how do we describe ourselves if only to our selves?  I know that I all to often fall into using only the negative adjectives, rather than positives. Let's give using positive adjectives a go, shall we?  Words that paint us with a brush full of good will towards ourselves, rather than a boot full of gloom.

If you ask a child to describe themselves, they will usually only use positive words. They see only the good in themselves and others. When do we lose that ability, and why?  Is the loss of being able to paint ones self with positive imagines the beginning of when being different becomes bad?

When we can't see the good in our own person, how can we see the good in others?  To protect us from others we begin the hideous slide into picking on others hoping no one will look at us twice.  Unless of course you're already a victim of bullies, then it steadily becomes harder to describe yourself with any positive words at all.

Would we learn how to describe ourselves more clearly, using positive words rather than negative, if we at least attempt to see the good in others?  Accept the differences, embrace where we do meet up well and let the rest go?  If in looking for the good in others, would we find the good in ourselves?  Learn to love our quirks, accept ourselves as we are, and not as we want to be.  And in doing so, allow us to really love life, eager to greet each day so we can wring every drop from it. Propel our selves with purpose, listening to our true desires and interests, rather than just listening to the popular culture noise.

Ok, so let me take a crack at describing myself, using only positive words.  I'm loving, talkative (yes I do think that is a positive trait), funny, optimistic, curious and full of life.

Your turn!


  1. Well put, Biki, so here goes:
    One word: Friendly
    Two words: Friendly, curious
    Three words: Friendly, curious, helpful
    Four words: Friendly, curious, helpful, empathetic
    Five words: Friendly, curious, helpful, empathetic, smart
    Six words: Friendly, curious, helpful, empathetic, smart, and yes, talkative, too!

    Well good post, very, very thoughtful!

    Peace <3

  2. One word: responsibility

    I feel like responsibility incarnate. And I often hate it. I want someone to absolve me of my responsibilities - I want to be a little kid again when days dragged on (in a good way) and everything was taken care of for me.

  3. The first self-description I thought of was 'gay' and then 'man'. God! I've a one track mind!

    Don't kids only say the positive things about themselves because to do otherwise might invite reproof or punishment?

    Don't forget how often we stop kids/censure/correct/teach in a negative way.

    Like the prisoner kids are going to admit to anything they don't have to!

  4. I would call myself Witty, Sarcastic [in a positive way], Curious, Optimistic, Happy and Smart.

  5. Haha when I focus on the positive things they are what I want to be, what I not quite am. When I focus on the negative things, they are the things that I am, and I'm going to change.

    Calling myself gay, or queer, is important because that is what put me outside the normal when I was a kid and has kept me there ever since. That's important because it puts me together with all the other people who are outside the normal. It helps me understand their journey and makes me want to help them in their struggle. When I have to choose, I am on their side.