Thursday, May 27, 2010


i'm tired of feeling guilty, it's not my fault this has surfaced.

but all i hear is "you're not the same"

"things are different between us, and I hate it"

"why are you sad all the time?"



  1. Sorry you're going through this. i wanna say I understand, but the sad fact is, having not been in your shoes, I don't.
    All I can say, and it sounds so cliche, though it's true, is: Whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
    And you are getting stronger.
    With each haircut and new fashion choice and conversation with TH, you are getting stronger.


  2. Oh Biki - I'm sorry.

    I'll send some more happy thoughts your way.

    I hope things improve.


  3. hey biki, always remember the lions in kenya!! cheer up okay? i'm sure your hubby will understand you, have faith in yourself and them. take care and i hope to chat with you again :) -BIG HUGS-

  4. I'm so sorry Biki. Maybe something good is coming out of this in the end? My thoughts are with you.


  5. Sounds like you're waiting for john too... fuck, it's just awful. X

  6. I'm so sorry to hear this, I will not say I know what you are going threw because I don't.

    All I can say is try to hang in there, things have to get better, I know that advice sounds sucky trust me I say that to my self as it is the same advice I have been giving my self for years now and knock on wood it seems to have worked. (I have survied all my down swings and not actuly acted on my disisres to kill myself)

    that and if you ever feel that you are in a bad way please do reach out for help.

  7. i think u need a hug. a nice bear hug to make u feel specil n loved. its sad that life dont aways go so nice. it isnt always easy.

    I just wana give u a bigggg hugie to give u the suport u shulda got from yur hubby. Its sad that he isnt lovin enough to love u unconditionally. i wish he culd see u an realize how much u have sacrificd for him an love. an evn if i say try not to drown in guilt cause its not yurs it wont change how u feel. Yur hearts so big that the feelins for yur hubby turn to guilt cause u want to make him happy an u kno that u cant. I think its his job to be a betr person, to be less selfish an prejudiced. To see with his heart rathr than societies crappy beliefs. He can choose to change an love u as a person or give in to fear an lose his lifes love. He is blessd enough to have been given the chance to be with u, to choose to be a bettr person.
    Dont let his blindness shadow the lovin spirit that u have.
    SO many ppl here have told me how NICE an specil u are. Feelin guilty for sumthin thats not ur fault is undeservd.
    so if u get overwhlemd with the feelins rembr that its cause u care so much for othrs not cause ur lettin them down. AND most importntly ive got lots of hugs to help ease yur sad heart.
    u r in my thughts n prayrs in these hard times. BUt i have faith that u can rise above these challnges cause u have a innnr strentgh that few of us can dream of. A strength that has helpd u cope an hide ur feelins all these years.

    WE LUVS U BIKI. always rembr ur lovd by many. its his loss if he cant love u 2.