Wednesday, November 14, 2012

stupid whiny me



i can't live like this any longer.   people only see a girl, but i'm not. i'm not a girl.

i'm an invisible guy.  an imaginary man.  an illusion in my head.

what i am is          

                       afraid 

afraid of losing TH, but he hasnt changed his mind, i change, he's gone gone gone


my sons who i love to death? who the fuck knows for sure what lurks in their dark spaces.

i just want this to all go away, to be whole.

what a fucking id10t i am



5 comments:

  1. Oh my God. Please don't do anything rash. I know your pain, and when it's bad it's really, really bad.

    You are not an idiot, and neither am I. We're stuck in a place not of our choosing, and in some cases the best we can do is get by regardless how much pain we're in.

    Please hang in there.

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  2. Hi Biki,
    Hang in there, I know what these thoughts are like. Can we have our life and friends and yet be ourselves.... OMG, I wish we could meet and talk in person. Life is still good, just leaves a pit in our stomach sometimes.

    R

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  3. You most definitely are not an idiot. Your feelings, your concerns and your fears are all valid. I can understand how you are feeling, and how it claws at you inside day by day.

    I dont know what to say to make it all better, but just know im thinking about you. I hope for the best for you and i hope that someday you'll be able to resolve the situation.

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  4. You are not an idiot. Please don't do anything stupid.

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  5. You are not an Idiot, it is never stupid to feel how you feel. I can't imagine how it feels to be in such a catch 22, but try not to beat your self up over your own feeling that is just the darkness talking.

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