Wednesday, November 14, 2012

stupid whiny me

i can't live like this any longer.   people only see a girl, but i'm not. i'm not a girl.

i'm an invisible guy.  an imaginary man.  an illusion in my head.

what i am is          


afraid of losing TH, but he hasnt changed his mind, i change, he's gone gone gone

my sons who i love to death? who the fuck knows for sure what lurks in their dark spaces.

i just want this to all go away, to be whole.

what a fucking id10t i am


  1. Oh my God. Please don't do anything rash. I know your pain, and when it's bad it's really, really bad.

    You are not an idiot, and neither am I. We're stuck in a place not of our choosing, and in some cases the best we can do is get by regardless how much pain we're in.

    Please hang in there.

  2. Hi Biki,
    Hang in there, I know what these thoughts are like. Can we have our life and friends and yet be ourselves.... OMG, I wish we could meet and talk in person. Life is still good, just leaves a pit in our stomach sometimes.


  3. You most definitely are not an idiot. Your feelings, your concerns and your fears are all valid. I can understand how you are feeling, and how it claws at you inside day by day.

    I dont know what to say to make it all better, but just know im thinking about you. I hope for the best for you and i hope that someday you'll be able to resolve the situation.

  4. You are not an idiot. Please don't do anything stupid.

  5. You are not an Idiot, it is never stupid to feel how you feel. I can't imagine how it feels to be in such a catch 22, but try not to beat your self up over your own feeling that is just the darkness talking.