Sunday, January 2, 2011


Ok, life is pretty damned perfect!  TH (the husband) watched "Taboo" on Nat Geo, the topic was "The Third Sex".  The trans people on the show were m2f's, but seeing their faces when they talked about being trapped inside the wrong body, explained more to him in the length of the show than I have managed to explain to him over the course of nearly a year.  When he saw the relief in one woman's face after having completed her surgery, now at long last her body conformed to her gender, he finally understood what its like for me.  I really believe that was the turning point for him, his pivot to really and honestly getting it.

Since that show, our lives have changed dramatically.  He is much more open with me now, and I no longer feel so tongue tied around him.  So, I'm opening up more to him, and he is at long last willing and able to listen to me.  This is such a relief you cant even imagine, part of my depression has been the gulf between us, that I didn't know how to bridge.  While we don't have the same taste in many things, we do mesh well together in life.  Having that large and silent wasteland between us, that I didn't know how to fix or if it could even be fixed, was cutting me off from my best friend, my confidant, my love.

We talked long into the night several days in a row.  But what really meant the most to me, is when he told me he would love me forever, no matter what body I'm in.  And that if I changed my mind, and transitioned, he would move stateside with me.  He didn't promise anything more than trying.  And yeah, I'm ok with him possibly not being able to deal with me in a man's body, I know that there is no way I could deal with him a girls body.

I have the ticket, the room reserved, and have paid for my place at the conference.  So, everything is all set for me to go.  I have looked at the workshop chart and there are a few places where I'm truly divided about what to attend.  If you are curious about the conference here is their link.

So, for all of you bloggers out there I would need to ask you for help.  They are holding a dance, and at first I wasn't going to dress up for it, but have since changed my mind.  So, here's the question.  Its being called a Decade Dance, and I'm supposed to dress up as my favorite decade.  Now, first off the idea that someone could/ would even have a favorite decade rather surprised me to no end.  I mean come on, really?  A favorite decade?  Anyway, I need clothing help.  I have no idea what to wear at all.  Remember that I need male clothing, yeah?  And please, no suggestions of disco clothing.  Cause I really don't like my clothes to shout HERE I AM LOOK AT ME!  Any suggestions?


  1. You've got someone special there, Biki. I so hope you can stick it together for the whole journey, wherever that may take you.

  2. It's nice to hear that TH is finally coming to understand what you're feeling, and how and why you're feeling it.
    That's truly great news.
    As for clothes, I couldn't pick a favorite decade, so why not pick a favorite style, and then attach a decade to it.
    Suit and tie?
    Jeans and a T?

    At any rate, this was welcome news, and enjoy the conference.

  3. Hey man, congratulations on closing the gap with your husband! That must be a relief.

    I'm the guy who coordinated the FTM programming at the First Event conference that you're going to be attending in a little over two weeks. It's awesome that you will be coming to join us. Please be sure to look me up when you arrive! I'll introduce you to some of the other guys. (Just ask for Anderson.)

    Safe travels.

  4. By the way, please let me know if your husband will be coming with you. (I assume not but want to be sure.)

    We have a Partners in Process program for spouses/partners that he might be interested in. I can make sure there is another husband of an FTM there for him to talk to if he's attending.

  5. That is truly great news, I'm so happy for you. You know, I can't even imagine how amazing such a drastic sudden and wonderful turning point must feel for you *hugs*

    Unfortunately I'm the worse ever when it comes to dress up for parties etc. Whenever I'm out of my lazy home-outfit I feel awkward. Don't take any advice from me ;)



    I hope you can make up your mind, based on all those choices at the conference!

  7. Great to hear about your husband being so understanding. I think that's probably really quite rare in a situation like yours. He's struggling as much as you are, and is willing to do it with you to see you happy. Now that's something.

    Why not just wear the current decade? It makes things easy and certainly it must be a favorite for one reason or another! :-P