Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Sex/Gender/Sexuality Existential Thoughts

While over leaving a comment at Jay's blog, I realized that there is a subject I've yet to discuss here with y'all.  Does having a male gender truly make someone (ie me) a man? 

Does owning this

make someone a man?

Or can one be male/man without it?  

Because men who have lost their penis due to injury or disease are still considered MEN.  But what if one isn't born with one?  Is it something more than physical characteristics, or is sense of self enough to be counted as male?

Trans folk have to come out twice to everyone.  Once as trans, and then as to what sex you're attracted to.  I've been asked by GLBT'ers before if I'm gay or straight and usually my answer is "yes".  


"Yes.  Meat suit girl is straight, cause she likes dudes.  Gendered male me is gay, because I like dudes.  So, yes."

But does having a male gender enough to be able to walk about calling oneself "gay"?  What does being gay actually mean?  Feeling romantic and sexual feelings towards one own sex.  But my sex is female, only the gender half is male........ 

Round and round like a carousel,
but never quite closing the question loop.

                               One of the major malfunctions of modern society is the strict adherence of two sexes and genders.   While there seems to be only two sexes, genders like sexuality come in a wide arc.

Kinsey helped the masses decide where they fall on the sexuality scale.  I feel that a gender scale is needed as well.  Boiling down feelings and expression would be far harder than what Kinsey invented, but classifications of gender is just as important.

Kinsey's scale helped rank and file Mary and Bob understand that homosexuality is common human condition, not an abnormal one.   It helped parents and families to come to grip with a gay kid, knowing that they were "normal", not a deviant or recruited by a pervert, but normal.

Gender scales would not only help trans folks be more easily accepted, but would slacken the chains on people who are straight but perceived as being not, our gender expression brethren.  Butchy girls, femme boys.  Boys who don't like sports, roughhousing but dream nightly about pussy, pussy pussy.  Girls who hate the kitchen but love the garage, the woodshop, and lust after guys.  Those femme boys and butchy girls could now be considered "normal", not freak shows like now.

If humans were allowed to freely express both their true genders and sexualities, what changes would occur?  I would imagine bullying incidents would drop dramatically, when one counts gender expression and sexuality only.  Sadly we still have acres to go in reducing racial bullying, I'm looking at you GOP......  Would society stop stifling males emotions, allowing our boys and men to cry and express nurturing, allowing a disinterest in all things considered typically male without being labeled "a nancy boy"?  Could girls finally stop equating their physical beings with their inner selves, and know that they are more than a pretty shell to look at, would that reduce women's unhappiness?

Which brings me back to what makes men, men and females, female?  Is it more than our meat suit?  Does what lies inside trumps the outer?  Society lags behind on this conundrum, and I've yet to find a way off the carousel of what it means to be a man and a gay man at that.


  1. Excellent questions, and when I look at myself I'm confused as (censored).

    I love being in the kitchen. I also love using hand tools to fix or create things. I love being girly such as dressing up and accessorizing my outfits. I also love how sometimes I can be more butch than most men -- gay or straight.

    I'm at a point where society will not know what to do with me whether I come out or not. So maybe I shouldn't care?

  2. I always go back to what Chaz Bono said when he announced that he was transgender: "Gender is between your ears, not between your legs."

    Gay men, and women, get that confusion from the uninformed, too, when they ask, say Carlos and me, "Which one is the woman?"

    I used to give an answer about gender roles and gender identity, and how just because someone cooks, or works on cars, or does yardwork, or laundry does not define their gender or orientation.

    I get stunned looks from some folks.....

  3. I think Bob got it right with Chaz Bono's quote: I think that honestly, gender is much more what is between your ears than your legs. For instance, I've never thought of you as anything other than a man. Skin suit not withstanding. Projection is what matters, I think. Working with a trans guy at ROSMY and several trans youth has been an eye opener. In all cases, it's much more about which gender someone says they are, than what they show on the outside.

    Peace <3