Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Let's all play nice

Sunday afternoon, Th (the husband) and I were sitting around chatting with Youngest Son, when the doorbell chimed.  TH jumped up to answer the door, it was Eldest Son, DiL (daughter in law) and the grand baby.  To say that we were stunned or shocked, would be to mild.  How about flabbergasted?

They came in, sat down and pretended that all was rainbows and sunshine.  The last time we had seen DiL was Christmas day, what a horror show that day was.  Eldest"invited" us over when DiL was gone, for a grand total of 3 times.

Have I mentioned that after months of stiff silence from Eldest, I finally found out what my crime was?  Why they turned on me so viciously?  Supposedly I was having an affair with Newleaf.  Yeah.... like that would happen.  Straight people just don't seem to get that opposite sexed people can be friends and nothing more.  What I think happened, is that DiL got suspicious, and planted the seed of doubt into my son's head.  Who proceeded to call at least 2 of his brothers, spreading the lies further into the family. 

TH dug the truth out of Youngest Son, and proceeded to set the record straight.  Youngest had questions, and TH answered all of them, as truthfully as possible.  And since then Youngest and I have been on good terms.  And I'm sure that Youngest had a hand in Eldest and family coming over Sunday.  What I think happened is that because TH told Youngest and his GF, it was ever so more believable than it would have been if it had been me that had told them.  I'm sure Youngest told Eldest the truth.

Since Sunday afternoon, I've been very unsettled, and depressed.  Yesterday it took all of my will power not to get fall down stinking drunk.  I stood in the kitchen forever with the opener in one hand and a beer in the other.

I'm floored that we are all supposed to play pretty now and bury all of the hurtful words and actions.  Like throwing away our Christmas gifts to the baby.

I'm hurt beyond belief that I'll never hear the words "I'm sorry Mom".  I need to hear those words, petty as it may seem.  I need to know that they understand how deeply they hurt me.  And the damage they inflicted on our family.

There is a part of me that doesn't want Eldest back in my life. Why? Because my time as a closeted person is drawing to a end.  I promised TH that I wouldn't physically change anything until after Third Son's wedding, nor would I come out to them.  The wedding is in July.  The girl suit stays, at least for now, but the closet is going.  I don't imagine that Eldest will deal well with me being a guy, getting him back fully into my life only to lose him again later will just be to damned hard.  I think Youngest will be ok, and will understand.  Third son will have to be told by TH.  Second son?  While living in Japan, he knew several transsexuals, M2F's and was cool with them, so I'm hoping it will be cool cool with him.  And for most of my life he has called me "dude", weird yeah?



  1. Biki, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I really do hope everything works out ok.

  2. It's tough when there are stories and lies spread about you, and tougher still when it's in the family.
    Hopefully it will work itself out.

  3. Sorry to hear it was this bad. I hope in time things work themselves out.

  4. I understand completely, the whole stinking scenario. And I agree with you, apologies are in order; he's the one who acted like and a$$ and continues to allow his wife to act, well, completely screwed up.

    You've got to be excited about the wedding! Even if you have to play dress up for the day. And I'm not saying that to make fun, I'm saying it because it might be a way to help you cope with it.

    Stay outta the bottle, I'm (barely) walking proof that it does no good at all, and the results are not pretty.

    Peace <3

  5. The bottle is definitely not the answer, but you know that. Regardless, you know how to get ahold of me, should your willpower crack and you need a kick in the pants.

    BTW, everytime I look at your new header pic, I feel like I'm looking at a promo photo for a horror film.

    Verification word: phesses

  6. I'm so sorry to hear about all this Biki, I truly and honestly feel for you. I understand how the bottle can be seen as a solution, although it never is.
    Wish I had something better to say, something that would offer some sort of comfort, but I don't. Just hang in there. Hugs!


  7. If you want an apology to put things on a better footing then ask for one. Because otherwise people just won't realise.

    I don't suppose it matters whether you put that to youngest son or eldest son but put you must - or let it drop and bury the hatchet.

    And, incidentally, if eldest son and other half can't cope with your gender revision - then hard luck on them. As long as you can take TH with you then you must carry through the plan. The boys will come around (or not) in due time.

    I'll open the book on who will react how right now!

  8. Funny how life turns out isn't it... all i can say don't close em out ... not saying forget but don't carry the hurt .... when lost my mom i was shocked how my sister had held on for so long of the hurt, and how much it held her back .... so things ppl never get over , but don't carry em forever either .... hoping yall all can work it out ... and hope you get a sorry..... life short .... wishing better for you....Lee