Sunday afternoon, Th (the husband) and I were sitting around chatting with Youngest Son, when the doorbell chimed. TH jumped up to answer the door, it was Eldest Son, DiL (daughter in law) and the grand baby. To say that we were stunned or shocked, would be to mild. How about flabbergasted?
They came in, sat down and pretended that all was rainbows and sunshine. The last time we had seen DiL was Christmas day, what a horror show that day was. Eldest"invited" us over when DiL was gone, for a grand total of 3 times.
Have I mentioned that after months of stiff silence from Eldest, I finally found out what my crime was? Why they turned on me so viciously? Supposedly I was having an affair with Newleaf. Yeah.... like that would happen. Straight people just don't seem to get that opposite sexed people can be friends and nothing more. What I think happened, is that DiL got suspicious, and planted the seed of doubt into my son's head. Who proceeded to call at least 2 of his brothers, spreading the lies further into the family.
TH dug the truth out of Youngest Son, and proceeded to set the record straight. Youngest had questions, and TH answered all of them, as truthfully as possible. And since then Youngest and I have been on good terms. And I'm sure that Youngest had a hand in Eldest and family coming over Sunday. What I think happened is that because TH told Youngest and his GF, it was ever so more believable than it would have been if it had been me that had told them. I'm sure Youngest told Eldest the truth.
Since Sunday afternoon, I've been very unsettled, and depressed. Yesterday it took all of my will power not to get fall down stinking drunk. I stood in the kitchen forever with the opener in one hand and a beer in the other.
I'm floored that we are all supposed to play pretty now and bury all of the hurtful words and actions. Like throwing away our Christmas gifts to the baby.
I'm hurt beyond belief that I'll never hear the words "I'm sorry Mom". I need to hear those words, petty as it may seem. I need to know that they understand how deeply they hurt me. And the damage they inflicted on our family.
There is a part of me that doesn't want Eldest back in my life. Why? Because my time as a closeted person is drawing to a end. I promised TH that I wouldn't physically change anything until after Third Son's wedding, nor would I come out to them. The wedding is in July. The girl suit stays, at least for now, but the closet is going. I don't imagine that Eldest will deal well with me being a guy, getting him back fully into my life only to lose him again later will just be to damned hard. I think Youngest will be ok, and will understand. Third son will have to be told by TH. Second son? While living in Japan, he knew several transsexuals, M2F's and was cool with them, so I'm hoping it will be cool cool with him. And for most of my life he has called me "dude", weird yeah?