Wednesday, May 23, 2012

All Sgns Point To??

Well......ya see tis like this....sigh....

                              I couldnt be more confused if I tried.

To say I was shocked when I walked into our house after being gone nearly four months, would be less than truthful.  TH hadnt cleaned the house the entire time I was gone.  The half folded load of laundry I didnt have the time to finish before I left, was just as I left it.  Our table which can seat 8 was filled from end to end, with stacks of paper, odd bits and pieces of this and that, with only a narrow area for TH to eat.  Our bathroom was worse than a truck stop washroom, disgusting to say the least.  He was glowing with pride that the dishes were washed, and counters cleaned, but the floor hadnt been touched....

The worst of it was the fact he hadnt vacuumed our bedroom, I'm very allergic to dust, and woke up clogged up, swollen face, scratchy throat, which got worse when I vacuumed.

TH got mad when I ran my name down for a new acquaintance [lets call him, Chris], Roberta, Robbie, Rob, my friends call me Rob*.  TH made a huge point of saying "Who?" to Chris until Chris just gave up, and began to call me Robbie, like TH does.

I bought several very, very thin white cotton shirts in Arizona, so thin you could see the pink of my skin glowing thru.  Shudder.  I started looking at the ladies section for a undershirt sorta thing to hide me under.  But only found silky, lacy things, vomit.  So, I purchased a pack of mens sleeveless undershirts.  And when ever he sees me pulling one on to wear under a hoodie, he makes the "hard" face.

 I've always sang, "If I were King of the forest, not Duke, not Queen, not Prince." Since we've gotten married to highlight something I would change if only I could.  But now??  TH makes the "face" when ever I do.  He no longer sniggers and smiles at me when I sing it now.

"I'm so glad your home!" repeated by TH, several times a day, only to push me to attend functions in other states, to visit friends and family who live scattered across the states.

So, I'm attending the Musicfest in Atlanta again, yippee!!!  I've missed my Steve and his hubby!!

And also I'm going to a knitting conference in November, 4 full days of non-stop knitting classes.  Yeah i like to knit, well....more like I adore knitting.  Why havent I mentioned it much before?  Well... ya see, I try to downplay the more feminine parts of me for y'all.  I know, tis a stupid thing to do, but I'm having issues being a whole person to anyone.  Have decided to attempt to be as whole a person on blogger as possible. 

Then yesterday, TH said, "I want you to attend the Transgender conference this January."  Quite shocked considering how much trouble me going the last time caused, I asked him why he wanted me to attend.  "I think it will be good for you."

And sex?  Well, he only gets frisky moments before he has to leave the house.  We are clocking in at 10 months since the last time.

The signs I'm getting from TH all lead me in circles.  He cares for me, but at the same time neglects to do a simple thing, vacuuming, to keep me healthy.  Doesnt like me being the lest bit guy, but pushes me to attend a trans conference? I'm thinking he has "evolved" as much as he is going to.

The fact that I'm a guy wont just magically go away, no matter how much I wish they would.  They have been with me all my life, with periods of me managing to burying them, only to have em pop up causing me grief until I manage to push them down, down, down.  But I cant get them to stay down, and since I woke up again 2 years ago, they wont leave me alone.  I get TH's many issues with me being a guy, totally.  But still there should be some sort of middle ground here, yeah?  Or am I just prolonging the end of us?

*yeah, you know the spiel now, right?  My name so isnt Roberta, thank gods!


  1. Wow, he reverted right back to bachelorhood the instant you left the house. I don't know what to say. And I probably know as much as anybody does, Roberta. I think he needs a good sit-down-talkin'-to. It seems the progress he'd made before (or as) you left has disappeared. I can't understand the mixed signals either. And yes, there should be some middle ground, though I honestly can't say where it should be. Only you can answer the last question about "...the end...".

    I hope things settle down. You did so well in the south, I hate to see you regressing. Much love! ***HUGS***

    Peace <3

  2. I agree with Jay.
    A talk is in order, and about more than just the laundry, although that would have set me off.
    Maybe time away is for the best.