so yeah, i've most deff been an invisible man of late. no reading or commenting on posts, i havent really been online in a long while now. why? well.....i think TH and i were both suffering from stress backlash. both of us has been worn out, and ive been flirting with severe depression, but i think that ive beaten it back.
so this is what we have been up to of late.
we got all the damned paperwork signed and received the keys on the 11th. off we go to youngest's garage to get everything that i could help move. everything that gets into the truck and my car smoothly slides into the house........except for the sofa. yeah. we get it off the truck, thru the garage, into the laundry room, only to get it stuck in the doorway into the house. think.......think.......think....
ok back it up, take legs off........fuck that didnt help at all! think...think....think........we ended up carrying that damnable sofa all the way around the back, thru the garden and into the house. my arms are ever so much longer now.
while we are moving in, every single time TH stops for a moment, or looks kinda funny, i get worried. we put our bed together, i hooked up the tv and dvd player, and when i went out to get something to eat, picked up a few videos. i was determined that TH was not going to exhaust himself if i could help it.
we finally got our direct tv hooked up 4 days ago, our internet about 6. and while i can check my emails on my phone, reading blogs is a royal pain, so thats why ive fallen so far behind.
i told TH the other day, i'm fully moved in except for the art work. he looked around at all the stuff that isnt here, and gave me the "explain please" eyebrow. after explaining to him why i feel fully moved in, he laughed, gave me a hug and agreed that yeah for me, i am moved in.
my knitting and tech are all here
dishes are all snug in their cabinet thinking, "ready for work captain!"
spices back in a comfy drawer awaiting their orders. note to self, purchase more 5 spice powder
and the books are out of their boxes ready for eager eyes to caress their pages again
while i was gone from blogworld, these things were going on in our world,
third son's first year anniversary
our anniversary
youngest's gf had a b'day
AND
he asked her to marry him, she said yes
my b'day
hopefully dear bloggers, i wont be the invisible man from now on
Last Friday, after a solid 3 days of packing, cleaning yet somehow with acres left to do, TH and I were flat out exhausted. We realized we had been working since 6:30 am, and was around 3-ish breakfast was long gone. Our favorite Thai restaurant is 1/2 mile away, and TH ran over to pick up some take out. I was upstairs when he returned and hollered up, "come down, we have a problem". His voiced sounded off, and thinking something had happened to one of the boys or a friend I darted downstairs. It wasn't the boys, nor a friend, but TH that had the problem. His family has faulty wiring in their hearts and many things can bring on an episode of afib, caffeine, exhaustion, stress, etc. Well TH had several of his triggers in spades, and his heart was thumping and fluttering and racing like crazy. I loaded him into the car and took off for the hospital. He managed to walk into the hospital under his own steam but collapsed onto a bench just inside the door. They gave him i.v. meds, to no avail, which left only two options, go on blood thinners and hope his heart converts to normalcy, or shock it into working correctly, he chose the shock method. It worked, only took one dose of electricity to make his heart behave. Completely worn out by the ordeal at the hospital, we headed back to the hotel room, where I couldn't stop hovering, it felt to me like he'd had a close look at death, and I didn't trust that he was actually ok.
The next morning I had no choice but to leave him alone in the hotel and head back to the house, we needed to be finished up that day. I worked like crazy and worried about TH the entire time. I had the house mostly done, but the garage was still a disaster zone. Calling it quits around 8, I headed back to the hotel. TH had called me while I was gone often enough that I knew he was ok-ish. While I was gone he'd called our landlords and explained what had happened and why we weren't yet moved out. Luckily they were feeling kindly, and gave us until the 4th. Sunday the two youngest boys and their wives came and helped get things finished up. They cleaned the garage out and toted stuff for me. Monday after work they showed up to help us move into the new place.
The nice cabin in the woods, turned out to be infested with mold. We woke up totally sick the next morning. Both of us had tight chests, trouble breathing, while i also had a swollen face and body. I was terrified that it might trigger TH's heart again while we tried to decide what to do. After talking to the landlord, who it turns out knew the place was moldy. How had we missed it when we viewed it before accepting it? They had a cat and a dog, and where horrible housekeepers. The loft railing was thick with animal hair and dust, so the tight chest feeling and itchy faces we thought were caused by that.
They are letting us out of our lease, and giving our money back, so that's a good thing. However....... We have viewed 10 places in the past few days, all moldy. We are getting desperate, we have savings, but hotels here are crazy pricy, and it's tourist season, so rooms are in short supply and the prices are higher this time of the year. We got a good lead from a lady on the street today about a realtor who deals with loads of rental properties, hopefully we can find something soon. The youngest two are going to help TH empty the cabin of our belongings tomorrow, and youngest son is letting us store this stuff in his garage.
We are stressed to the frayed ends worried about finding a new home. Housing is always in short supply in Alaska, and finding half way decent housing is in even shorter supply.
This is 2nd sons duckie that I made for his 3rd b'day. I found it today stuffed in a box containing an odd assortment of items. On a whim I texted a pic of duckie to 2nd son, knock me over with a dust mote, he wants it!
That is the only good thing about packing and moving is finding bits and bobs that bring the past rushing forward in a technicolor blast. Heart warmed, we carry on.
We signed the lease on Friday, and the landlords are allowing us to put up a direct tv pole!!! Whoo-de-dooo!! This means TV!! And more importantly???
!!! INTERNET !!!
Life is tickety boo!
Yeah, I'm still packing and some how still unearthing books. I'm beginning to think that I've got a problem with the written word, maybe I should find a 12 step program?
Hello, My name is Biki and I'm addicted to reading.
In odd closets, under random items, I keep unearthing more books. Some how these ended up in the linen closet...yeah I have no idea how that happened. I just finished packing what I hope is the last two boxes of books.
Our house is a disaster zone, and its driving me nutz, crazy and around the bend. We have boxes stacked here and there, our table is covered in odd items we are unsure of if they need to be tossed or kept. The kitchen is down to one large bowl, and the bare essentials of daily cookery. Our pantry is nearly empty, except for the odd things one uses only now and then.
We are dividing up our items into things we need on a daily basis, things we want to keep and are going to store, and the stuff we are donating or tossing. Our new place is about 1/2 the square footage of our current abode. To keep straight which is moving with us and which is going to be stored, future stored items are being packed, and the stuff that is making the move is laying around in untidy heaps and piles as I rush to empty drawers and closets.
Friday the boys are coming over to move out all of our furniture that is going to be stored until TH retires. At that point the cleaning can begin, joy joy joy.
The really horrible, gnarly, hate to even think about it job will be the GARAGE OF DOOM. All winter long I was after TH to clean out the garage and start to box stuff up. He didnt clean or pack a single item in the entire garage. Each summer I clean it out, how on earth is is always such a muddled up mess?
After scouring Craiglist day after day after day, emailing people, who never bothered to email me back, I have no idea what thats about, we finally found a place. Actually we found two we really liked.
One was on the top floor of a 4 plex apartment. Mega super clean, new kitchen appliances, new washer and drying being installed while we were there, and they were top of the line too! The rent was reasonable, they paid for fuel, wow! However, it had one drawback, it was a 3 bedroom and that's just too large for two people, well really one since I'll be headed back to Arizona after the winter curtain drops.
And then we saw the second property. Its out in the woods, a log cabin and is totally quiet, and TH fell in love. As you can see, yup thats an actual pic of the place, its in a forest and as long as the trees dont revolt, its all good!
The list of things we need to have was important but small. It had to have running water, this place does, its delivered, monthly so we shall have to be careful not to run out between their deliveries.
It has a washer and dryer. w00t!!!
Our cell phones work. Yeah we looked at a place that had no service, and as soon as we found that out, we werent interested.
I need to have the internet, and we do, not DSL however...quietly weeping.....
There are a few drawbacks with the place. There is no cable service in the area, and no local tv service either! And the funny thing is we are only about 12 minutes from town, but its quite hilly without a repeater tower in the area.
Its very very tiny. As in only our tv and stand, {what? I can still rent videos and play the ones I have!} our sofa, a tall skinny dresser, a hutch sideboardy thing that will increase the amount of storage in the kitchen, and our bed is making the move, the rest will all have to be stored. I need to buy a tiny dining table for two, and a smaller computer desk, I think they will both wedge in.
But even with all the drawbacks, TH loves the place and couldnt be happier.
Once again ENDA is being discussed in the Senate, well its about damned time! However, the good news of this is tempered, at least for me, in how it brings out the haters, the ones who are just SURE that allowing anyone else any sort of right or boon will some how diminish their slice of cake. And you know what? It wont. Any new civil right, only increases the chance of full acceptance for all HUMANS. Yes, for all humans, not just gay, or trans or bi, or ___________, or ___________, and yes even _____________.
We honestly need to get our maturity level out of Junior High, we are no longer 12 and shouldn't act like it.
What brought this up? While reading over at Towleroad today I came across this ENDA article. To think!! An honest to goodness trans man is going to testify! Yes! Can you believe it? They are actually going to question someone who has experienced LGBT discrimination. Wow, what a concept, boggles the mind yeah? To place a cherry upon this great sundae of delights, Mr. Broadus is African American. This man knows about discrimination, in heaping dump truck loads, and these Senate sorts are going to listen to him. Mr. Broadus comments will be entered into the record for all to read, forever.
But then, like a stupid head, I read the comments.....sigh.
And over on Joemygod, was this piece about the Netroots convention and this sign.
Thanks Joe for posting this! However... many of the comments again were just sadly out of line again.
While I know that whenever humans are discriminated against, they feel the need to fight for every extra crumb they can get, because who knows where the next tidbit will arrive, if ever, it doesn't make it right to hurt others while getting your "fair" share.
So, we come to the idea of Proportional Envy-free Allocation. Which simply is the idea that if two people are warring over something allow one to cut and the other to choose. If the LGB cut the cake into two pieces that are wildly unequal then not much is left for the T's, right? But if the T's get to choose from these vastly unequal slices, which slice would you expect them to pick? However, if the cake is cut into a close as possible halves, then everyone leaves the table full and happy, and no one is a loser.
See? That's the deal here, a win for any of us, is a win for all of us. Any step whatsoever in the direction of LGBT civil rights is a win for all of us.
A WIN FOR ALL OF US.
If you have no interest in marriage? Fine, dandy, fan-freaking-tastic. But dont piss on the rest of us who want with every molecule in their being to marry their partner. All you can think about is LGBT homeless teens and how the religious ran shelters who wont accept us? Good for you! Protect the weak, the young and the elderly, a society is judged on how it treats its weakest members. But stop and give a think for a moment please.......and I want you to be completely honest here, yeah? If LGBT were 'given' the right to marry, in many ways it would legitimize us as a people. And if we are deserving to sit at the big people table and order marriage, how many other rights, would flow from that one single right? In states where we are allowed to marry, adoption is easier than an the non-marriage states. We can adopt our spouses children, we can adopt as a couple, like them straight type beings. If 'gay' marriage has no effect on 'straight' marriages, how do you think it will negatively impact your life? Is it because now your family can harass you to 'finally settle down and get married"? Does it not fall into line with your views of being a class/gender/sexuality warrior, I mean how edgy can being gay be if we are 'allowed' to marry? Get over your bad self and stand for a moment in a life not yours, ok? If our very own federal government would grant us full marriage rights, what else just might follow?
For the past week, I've been combing the classifieds and Craigslist looking for a place for TH and I. And after viewing several places, we are becoming discouraged. The three places we looked at were moldy, not a good thing when our houses are closed up so much of the year.
What really its quite surprising just how many places for rent here in town are "dry". No, they dont mean alcohol free, they mean without water.....yeah. I've done the whole last frontier lifestyle back in the day, and hellz no we are not going back to that again. Let me tell you using an outhouse in the middle of the winter is no fun whatsoever. Most people who live this way, bring their toilet seat in the house in between uses, or one can have a tendency to umm freeze down to the seat, yeah. Most laundromats here also offer shower rooms, due to the lack of water in so many of our cabins.
Here is a typical ad from Craigslist.
"For rent is a 20x30 Cabin with loft that is located on its on 2 acre
lot, the cabin was wet till the well froze so its now a dry cabin.
There is a composting toilet in the bathroom located in the cabin :).
the rent is 500 a month. It has electric baseboard with a wood stove
for heat. the wood stove will be removed this summer and a oil furnace
will be installed. the stove is propane. All utilities are payed by
tenant."
TH and I have finally done some long overdue talking. We seem to be on the same page on several important things, which is great. My gender is still a tripping up point however. He is honestly adrift as to how to act and whatnot. TH was teasing me about something silly last week, and after he said "silly woman" like he has done for a zillion years, he fell silent, and the mood chilled. So, it looks like we are going to have to have that talk again. I dont mind talking about this with him, but what bothers me is how often we seem to walk the same trail over and over, and nothing ever gets resolved to anyone's satisfaction. While I dont enjoy having to refer to myself in the feminine, its ok for others to do so. Yeah I know weird, but when I do so, it feels like a violation of my self. I've never felt comfortable using the feminine words, and for years had issue even typing the word 'girl'. When others use the feminine toward me, I'm ok with it, well....more or less, because its what they see, so for them it fits.
So, far I've packed 3 boxes of books, 1.5 of which were manga, and I've still have at least 3 more boxes to pack. Wow! I didnt realize just how many books TH and I actually read. Since I've gotten the Ipad, I'd say at least half of all my book purchases are digital, thank gods for that, or I'd have even more boxes to pack. Oh, and these books were all purchased in the past 2 years....We have close to 30 boxes of books in the storage unit.
TH came in the house a few days ago to find me standing in the kitchen, fridge door open, me looking in. Nothing within looked delightful, ya know? So, after some funny banter, we finally agreed upon barbeque. Now, I dont know about y'all, but for me when I'm chowing down on some good 'que its either sweet tea or a beer to quench the thirst. This was most def a beer night. After ordering up our dinners, I asked what sorts of dark beer they stock. The sweet waitress told me, I chose, and then she proceeded to card me. Tis one of those 100% card places, its s'all good, yeah?
TH was feeling playful and told her in a shocked voice, "You're carding her? shes 52!"
Waitress rolled her eyes at him and said, "No she's not!"
At this point I whipped out the license, and proved the point.
"So, how old did you think I was?"
"31!" FTW!!!!
Grandbaby's eyes got ever so large when she pulled out her new elephant friend.
And when she pulled bunny from the bag, she shouted, "BUNNY!!!!"
I'm a thinking both of them were a hit, yeah?
Our wee grandbaby turned 2 on Towel Day, and even though she Loves any computer as befits a child born on the geekiest day of the year, if she grows up to be a surpreme geek, there is no doubt she will do it as a Geek Princess. Because this wee scrap of humanity is 100% girl, girl, girl.
We nestled into the soft sofa while I read her a picture book on my ipad. It was so nice to hold a wee one in my arms again. Sigh, while hubby wants a dog, I'd love a new houseful of kid-lings. Nothing is more fun, more engaging that small people.
Yup, tis that time of the year again. Whew! How time flies, yeah? How on earth it could be Towel Day already, is beyond me.
I just love holidays where no gifts are expected. No large meals to prepare. Just freeform fun, in any way you wish! What could be better, yeah?
So, kick back today and pick up your copy of "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" And enjoy the geekiest day of the year. Oh, and if your wondering what on earth I'm nattering on about? Linky here love.
To say I was shocked when I walked into our house after being gone nearly four months, would be less than truthful. TH hadnt cleaned the house the entire time I was gone. The half folded load of laundry I didnt have the time to finish before I left, was just as I left it. Our table which can seat 8 was filled from end to end, with stacks of paper, odd bits and pieces of this and that, with only a narrow area for TH to eat. Our bathroom was worse than a truck stop washroom, disgusting to say the least. He was glowing with pride that the dishes were washed, and counters cleaned, but the floor hadnt been touched....
The worst of it was the fact he hadnt vacuumed our bedroom, I'm very allergic to dust, and woke up clogged up, swollen face, scratchy throat, which got worse when I vacuumed.
TH got mad when I ran my name down for a new acquaintance [lets call him, Chris], Roberta, Robbie, Rob, my friends call me Rob*. TH made a huge point of saying "Who?" to Chris until Chris just gave up, and began to call me Robbie, like TH does.
I bought several very, very thin white cotton shirts in Arizona, so thin you could see the pink of my skin glowing thru. Shudder. I started looking at the ladies section for a undershirt sorta thing to hide me under. But only found silky, lacy things, vomit. So, I purchased a pack of mens sleeveless undershirts. And when ever he sees me pulling one on to wear under a hoodie, he makes the "hard" face.
I've always sang, "If I were King of the forest, not Duke, not Queen, not Prince." Since we've gotten married to highlight something I would change if only I could. But now?? TH makes the "face" when ever I do. He no longer sniggers and smiles at me when I sing it now.
"I'm so glad your home!" repeated by TH, several times a day, only to push me to attend functions in other states, to visit friends and family who live scattered across the states.
So, I'm attending the Musicfest in Atlanta again, yippee!!! I've missed my Steve and his hubby!!
And also I'm going to a knitting conference in November, 4 full days of non-stop knitting classes. Yeah i like to knit, well....more like I adore knitting. Why havent I mentioned it much before? Well... ya see, I try to downplay the more feminine parts of me for y'all. I know, tis a stupid thing to do, but I'm having issues being a whole person to anyone. Have decided to attempt to be as whole a person on blogger as possible.
Then yesterday, TH said, "I want you to attend the Transgender conference this January." Quite shocked considering how much trouble me going the last time caused, I asked him why he wanted me to attend. "I think it will be good for you."
And sex? Well, he only gets frisky moments before he has to leave
the house. We are clocking in at 10 months since the last time.
The signs I'm getting from TH all lead me in circles. He cares for me, but at the same time neglects to do a simple thing, vacuuming, to keep me healthy. Doesnt like me being the lest bit guy, but pushes me to attend a trans conference? I'm thinking he has "evolved" as much as he is going to.
The fact that I'm a guy wont just magically go away, no matter how much I wish they would. They have been with me all my life, with periods of me managing to burying them, only to have em pop up causing me grief until I manage to push them down, down, down. But I cant get them to stay down, and since I woke up again 2 years ago, they wont leave me alone. I get TH's many issues with me being a guy, totally. But still there should be some sort of middle ground here, yeah? Or am I just prolonging the end of us?
*yeah, you know the spiel now, right? My name so isnt Roberta, thank gods!
While we made fun of her, and mocked her relentlessly, our drive without her would have come at the cost of many more arguments about where to turn.... So, to our unsung hero, I tip my drink to my gps "wife". While TH knew which highways to travel, he didnt know the cities and towns along the way, and thats where the "wife" was invaluable, she led us unerringly to unfamiliar hotels, and restaurants.
When TH travels he just sticks to whatever is available alongside the highways, which led to our one and only fight when he refused to take the off ramp to a town that was 4 miles off the road, so I could use a washroom. His refusal to deviate from the highway for a measly 8 miles caused a sudden chill in otherwise happy trails. I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took things to thaw out afterwards.
For Bob who mentioned the fire at Yellowstone years ago, the park is recovering nicely. The saplings are thick as grass in some places, and lend the area the prettiest green imaginable. In places, at least on a dark and rainy day, those young trees in the distance had the look of thick pile carpeting the surrounding hills.
Montana....a land of contrasts. Rugged rocky hills.
And fabulous open, endless rolling prairie grasslands and grain fields.
Of all the places we drove thru on our 3,560 mile trek, give or take a few miles, it was Montana that captured my imagination. I wasnt prepared to fall in love with this state, but sure did. The only drawback to Montana, was the size of the cites and towns, very small and didnt seem to offer much. A cute hotel guy told us in Helena, and if its not true, its not far from the truth, "there are more cows in Montana than people." I want to go back and explore this state at leisure.
Under a glowering sky, we crossed the border into Canada! w00t! For what ever reason, to my mind, we were now half way home. Yeah, yeah I know we really werent, but to me it felt like it.
Right outside of Whitehorse, Yukon Territory is fabulous Miles Canyon. And yeah, I didnt muck about with the color on this picture thats the true and actual color of the water. Rock that is ground to flour fineness makes the Yukon River in this area that unbelievable jade color.
Now, this wee pretty bridge doenst look like it would be much of a challenge to cross, yeah? Well, for a height phobic person, this was. It sways, it bobs about, gulp. I stepped across carefully so as not to make it move about, until TH thought it would be funny to bounce up and down on one end of the bridge, causing me to freeze about halfway across. When he saw the terror in my face, he froze and allowed the bridge to come to a rest so I could creep my fearful way to the other side. I'm glad I got my fear under control so as to see more of the canyon.
Climbing out of the canyon and up to the roadway into Whitehorse, we noticed that the water around the area wasnt completely ice free. The closer we got to Alaska the more snow and ice there was still lying around, we had good and truly out drove spring! We slept at Beaver Creek, Yukon, and when we woke up, we were greeted with this....
Between the Canadian crossing and the American one, [which strangely enough is 30 km apart!] we drove into the snow that had left a dusting of snow on our steps that morning. Driving a few miles past the check point, the snow flurries increased into a fully fledged snow storm, dumping up to 6 inches of snow on the road, and my wee orange car was wearing summer tires!
It was slow going for about 20 miles. A few times it was a bit of a white knuckler, when the car wasnt listening to the commands from the steering wheel.
We out drove the snowstorm, whew!, and are getting antsy to get home, home, HOME!!!!!! A few miles outside of Delta we crossed the Johnson River, who obviously hadn't gotten the memo about spring.
Then finally, after 8 long days, we pulled into our driveway, and we were at long long last home!
Hey all, just a short one tonight, as I'm exhausted. We drove from Helena Montana to Edmonton, Alberta, a distance of 566 miles in 12 hours. We encountered loads of construction, a detour which took us all around the back side of Calgary.
The Internet here is sloooow, so no pictures tonight. Tomorrows destination is Fort Saint John, a 7-9 hour trip. If the hotels from here on up into Alaska don't have wi-fi no more updates until I arrive home. Loads more pics to share, along with some tales.
Wow! How on earth is it already time to leave Arizona? Where ever did the time fly away too? Didn't I just get here? Hmm, I suppose not, since TH is flying down to drive me and the car home again, home again, jiggity jog.
Am I happy to go back to Alaska? Well, sorta yes and sorta no. I'm happy here, happier than I've been in ages. My health has returned and even after a mega super busy day, the next day I bounce outta bed and am ready to go, go, go! No more limping, no more feeling like crapola. Tis beyond marvelous. I wont lie to ya all, living here alone has made me very lonely. I've worked on making friends. But ya know, it takes a while, and just as I'm starting to get comfy about maybe asking someone to meet up, I'm leaving. While looking for some yarn to make the grandbaby her birthday gift, I found a fantastic yarn shop. They have a table and ladies bring their knitting and sit and chat. We help each other out, giggle and just have loads of fun. Let me tell you, knitters are a friendly bunch of people, at least these ladies are. However....going to the knitting shop once a week has been rather pricey. Its rare I leave without yarn for a project. I now have 4 projects in my queue, but whats rare, is that two of em are for me. Its a rare thing for me to knit more than socks for me.
I've missed TH, I just hope we can get back to some range or normality. I'm not really sure that is possible. But I can hope, yeah? And thats what I'm clinging to, hope. I want us to work out, I want us to be something more than platonic room mates.
This trip alone has taught me many, many valuable things. That I can make it on my own if i have to, I don't need TH to exist. This time apart has given me space to decide how I want to present myself to others. And even though this is going to sound very shallow and vain, dressing like a butchy lesbian wasn't getting me the attention I want. I hated guys eyes sliding past me, like I was invisible when I would go out dressed very boyish. And the reverse, getting hit on by girls was nice, but not what I'm interested in. I've found a middle ground to stand on. Not really femme, but not to butch either. And most days I have some article of clothing that is from the mens department. After many hours of rooting around, finally I came to an answer to why some days I cant leave the house as a girl, its all about where I'm going and what I'm going to be doing. If Im confident, and self assured, then girl world clothing is ok. However, if im feeling the least bit uncertain, its boy clothes all the way. Truly, I'm happiest wearing guys stuff, I feel more authentically me, not a role acting doll, but honestly truly me.
Newleaf took me to Pride this weekend. It was umm.....boring? To me it reminded me of the state fair, with much less food, much more beer, and no live stock. There were very few people walking about, I thought it might have been the heat, but he said no. Twas 106 F [41C], yeah it was a bit on the miserable side. On the plus side???? I saw drag kings! w00t! They were really cute, and did a good job. And of course I have to mention the wee twink boys walking about in their undies and sunglasses. They didnt help with the heat level at all! LOL
See ya all on the flip side when I get back to Alaska!
Once again one of our younger members took his own life.
Total grief on yet another bright young person not being able to see that the whole of life isnt school, and that as bad as life currently is, once you're away from school, life does get ever so much better. And not just for the LGBT kiddos either. For the uber smart kids (who will most likely run our future world), the theater kids, the metal heads, shy kids, etc., etc, etc. Those years from 7th grade thru 12th for many of us was a painful period indeed. Where any sign of deviation from the accepted "norm" was dealt with by bullying, being ostracized, whisper campaigns and the like. The herd instinct is at its strongest during this age, and the need to be cookie cutter alike is the end all and the be all.
Superimposing that stage of human development with the general malaise of school districts refusing to take action to effect a change to stop the bullying of LGBT kiddos, is state and church sanctioned hate. We will never know the extent of harm that has trickled down into our youngest and most impressionable citizens, and I'm not only speaking about LGBT kiddos either. Children attend church where they hear the minister preach the mantra that God hates gays, they are unnatural and then even worse many cite chapter and verse the violent chapters about stoning them, plucking them from the breast of church and land. Parents watch the news and one hears politicians are railing against "special rights" for gays, and how the "gay agenda" is ruining our country. Common slang uses gay and fag as a put down for stupid or lame. Its day in day out indoctrination of hate, and children are sponges and absorb every last drop of this bitter bile. These children internalize the hate they hear, for the LGBT kiddos it erodes their fragile sense of self, for the straight kids it gives them carte blanche to relieve their frustrations by bullying the LGBT. In this unequal situation, the LGBT kiddos lose, again and again. First by the school administration refusing to see there is a problem, and two by creating a situation that highlights how little respect is shown for LGBT kiddos. Into the box of LGBT, I'm also tossing the kids who are straight as a ruler, but dont present as such.
Personally, I feel that one of the reasons that LGBT has come under so much hate within the last 20 years, was the vacuum of hate created by the Civil Rights Act of 1964. With one stroke of President Johnson's pen, it was the beginning of the end of state and church sanctioned hate for blacks. The NAACP jumped on any used of the "N" word in print, on tv or the radio, and within a surprisingly short time, it wasn't accepted word in polite conversation. And as time flows by, racial hate dims with each passing generation, no I'm not saying that blacks dont experience racism, but what racism does exist, its much less virulent and is illegal.
Societies for whatever reason, seem to need a scapegoat, and we are now it. LGBT are to blame for all our woes, for weakening marriages, turning our boys into sissies, and for inviting the end times to arrive earlier, on a side note....shouldnt religious people desire the end of time, so as to go and be one with their God? And of course the whole bathroom issue of women being raped by transsexual women....sigh. Not realizing that if the transsexual ladies entered the men's restroom their chances of being raped or assaulted are quite high.
Again and again cities, states and the federal government refuse to pass laws to protect LGBT folks. Instead of treating us like a valuable member of society, we are pushed to the fringes. When laws are passed that sanction discrimination, its a mind set changer for many. It takes an opinion that is oppressive and discriminatory and affixes a seal of approval, curtsy of our constitution, changing an opinion to fact.
The LGBT groups are trying hard to right these wrongs, to make heard to everyone that we are not pedophiles, not desiring to take over the country, not soulless beings, we are no different than they. And all we want, need and deserve is to be treated with the same respect as they demand, the same civil rights, the same as anyone else-period.
Kenneth James Weishuhn, you will be sorely missed, rest in peace little angel.
