As I laid in bed with TH, he began to fall apart, and started to cry. Since 2:30 pm Wednesday, he really hasn't stopped crying. He doesn't want to lose me, he can't live without me, his life has turned to black. No matter what I kept telling him, how I kept reassuring him, that I didn't want to leave him, that I still loved him greatly, that I would stay with him the rest of his life. And then went on to say, it was him that didn't want me in male form, and I totally and completely understood.
And so, there is only one thing to do that makes any sense at all to me. I have to man up to the situation. Put my needs behind me, stand firm and hold him up, until he can stand tall again.
Leaving me feeling as though I have killed, me. How do I feel about this? Numb. In shock. Grieving for the man I almost got to be. No beard, no hairy male chest, no penis................. He will have to live in my dreams, as he has my entire life.